


We'll Run Like We're Awesome Totally Genius

by pepperlandgirl4



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 20:24:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 62,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8259502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepperlandgirl4/pseuds/pepperlandgirl4
Summary: Written for this KMM Prompt: Where Merlin is the one getting all the girls/boys and the attention, and Arthur is the one understimating his beauty and charm.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set in an American High School...and I went to High School a long time ago. Lots of smut, but all of the participants are over 18.

Everybody at South High loved Merlin Emrys. Everybody. Including Dr. Gaius who hated everybody and insisted that the entire student body call him doctor not "Mr" or "Principal." Everybody knew him, or knew somebody who was tight with him, and they all agreed that Merlin really was great. He had an easy way about him, an effusive adoration for all things, an endless but not oppressive enthusiasm. He could charm anybody with his clear blue eyes and his smile like summer sunshine, and he could usually do it without opening his mouth. Teachers were delighted by him, the drudgery of their day brightened by his eager answers and strange questions. Nobody could quite follow the twisting garden paths his brain happily tripped down, but they were usually charmed by the attempt. Merlin could have used this power for personal gain, but it literally never occurred to him. He had a perfect 4.0 because he earned one, cheerfully working through the tedium of his homework and turning everything in on time with careful, neat writing (except for the year when his mother had been ill and he became distracted and sullen, he never received a failing grade).

Merlin knew just about everybody through his extracurricular activities. He ran track and cross-country and usually won his meets. He was on the swim team and played intramural water volleyball. He lettered in Forensics in his junior year, played Puck in a very well-received production of A Midsummer's Night Dream, and was voted class president three years in a row. He volunteered for the semi-annual blood drive, and was always the one selling tickets to dances during lunch. He read the school announcements every morning at 8:30 and dropped band because it conflicted with running, not because he wasn't a fantastic saxophonist (he also had a lovely voice, but the old dragon who led the chorus scared him too much and he never plucked up the courage to try out. When he admitted as much to Will, it quickly made it around the school that even Merlin, great though he may be, was frightened of Mr. Kilgarrah. Instead of being a point against Merlin, the student body collectively cultivated a deep dislike for the choral program). 

It would have been easy to hate Merlin, except for the fact that it was completely impossible to hate Merlin. He smiled at everybody in the hallway, introduced himself to the kids who were all wrong angles, randomly passed out the candy he always kept in his pockets, and told raunchy jokes in the back of homeroom. 

Arthur had basically loved him since kindergarten when Merlin happily handed over his graham cracker and carton of milk. Arthur had only asked because he was feeling mean like when he tormented the cat, and Merlin hadn't been upset at all. Just happy that he could do something to make Arthur happy. It hadn't been the start of a great friendship or anything--Merlin already had a best friend, a boy from his neighborhood--but Arthur hadn't forgotten it. In elementary school, they never had the same teacher. Not in six years. Arthur had contented himself with sitting on the edge of the playground, watching Merlin over the edge of the book he'd brought outside with him. 

In middle school, they had several classes together. Merlin tended to sit in the front and center of class, making himself the center of attention without a hint of self-consciousness. Arthur tended to sit in the back corner, thick glasses perched on his nose (thanks to astigmatism in both eyes), uncomfortable and awkward in clothes that never seemed to fit him right. It was difficult to concentrate on math or anything else when Merlin was right there, one of the first to go through puberty, his voice strange and gravelly and far too fascinating to Arthur's ears. 

Track This  
In high school, their lives diverged as they had in elementary school. Arthur took the easiest classes he could, including rudimentary courses reserved for students with special issues. Arthur didn't have any special issues, except for the fact that he felt stupid in the other classrooms, always struggling to keep up with pointless math, strange chemical formulas, and the completely irrational need to dissect every little fucking thing in English. He liked sports, and if he had to read, it was usually something about war. World War II was his favorite, but he liked the Revolutionary War too and he hated that they never talked about interesting things in history class. Who cared about the dates? What did dates tell you? Why not talk about strategy and sneak attacks and decisions that were just fucking crazy but actually worked in the end? 

Merlin took honors and AP courses and distance learning classes from the local university. 

Sometimes Arthur saw Merlin at school sporting events, but Merlin stuck to very solitary sports (what was more lonely than crosscountry?) and Arthur only played team sports. He liked working as a member of a team, liked the way each game of football or soccer or basketball was like a battle. It didn't matter how dense he was then--his body knew what to do.

Besides all that, Arthur had never been a fraction as popular as Merlin. Even the other jocks didn't like him that much, mostly due to Arthur's reputation for cutting remarks. His crooked mouth would screw up in a sneer and he'd say something cruel then laugh and say just kidding, like that would sooth the sting his words caused. Only he never really sounded like he'd just been joking, and for the most part, Arthur couldn't keep his disdain to himself. Except for Merlin, Arthur was his own favorite person. He might not be that bright, but he could throw the ball from one end of the field to the other with deadly precision, and his dad was rich. 

Being the quarterback for the football team wasn't as sweet as it looked in the movies. The whole town didn't worship him, the teachers didn't care if a failing grade meant he couldn't play, and the principal didn't break rules for him. The head cheerleader didn't want to date him, he didn't have a scholarship waiting for him, and he never got to be on the front page of the local paper. Soccer didn't open any doors to special treatment either. 

Being gay and completely in love with the class president didn't improve Arthur's life. The few girls who would fuck him didn't interest him at all, and as far as he knew, there wasn't another gay boy in the entire school. He tried to compensate for this by spending at least sixty percent of his waking hours watching hardcore pornography and jerking off. The other forty percent of the time, he fantasized of his favorite scenes with Merlin as one of the participants. 

Merlin didn't have a girlfriend. That fact was prominent in Arthur's mind for most their high school career but it became a matter of particular urgency their senior year. Merlin never had a steady date, but that fact seemed particularly glaring to Arthur after the Homecoming dance and the Sadie Hawkins dance when Merlin had gone stag (but he had been Homecoming King so he at least got to dance with the queen). Arthur wasn't typically one for dances himself, but he'd been obligated to go to Homecoming and Vivien had asked him to the other to make some boy jealous, and since she was buying dinner, Arthur figured he had nothing to lose. 

Arthur fantasized about asking Merlin to the Halloween dance and the winter formal. Harmless fantasies that never went anywhere because Merlin was so far out of his league that Arthur thought it best not to embarrass himself (not to mention the fact that Merlin was probably straight). But it was nice to think about wrapping his arms around Merlin and swaying to some oldie from the Goo Goo Dolls and knowing every person in the room was watching them with jealousy. It would be like starting a game, except better because Merlin was tangible, unlike a football score. In the end, Arthur had attended neither dance and heard through cafeteria gossip that Merlin had gone with a group of friends to both, but lacked a date. 

During winter break, Arthur broke his leg in Aspen, effectively ending his high school basketball career. Soccer would be questionable as well. Arthur foresaw miles and miles of free time on his hands and started to wonder if maybe he should try to talk to Merlin. Not ask him out or anything stupid like that. Arthur would sooner die than see Merlin looking at him with an earnest, awkward smile as he explained that he didn't really like boys. Arthur was certain Merlin wouldn't be rude about it, which would only make the whole thing more terrible. No, no, Arthur just wanted to spend a few months basking in Merlin's warm presence while he nursed his injury and killed time until June when he would finally be free. 

That was why in Arthur did the unthinkable when Merlin announced they were looking for volunteers to help decorate the gym for the Valentine's Day Dance and signed-up on the piece of paper posted outside the main office. 

The signup sheet said to be in the gym on February 13 (Valentine’s Day was on a Saturday this year) at three-thirty. Arthur was determined not to be the first person there. He didn’t want to stand around awkwardly while he waited for people to drift into the gym, especially since they were using the smaller gym that was close to the weight room, and the chances of running into his former teammates while surrounded with pink balloons, cardboard hearts, and crepe paper were just too great. He ran that risk no matter what, but at least if he waited until Merlin showed up, he’d be with Merlin. To that end, he casually wandered through the side entrance at a quarter to four and found Merlin already fighting with the crepe paper while Gwen held the ladder and Lance and Will shouted at him for being such an idiot. 

“Shut up. I’ve done this like a hundred times before.” 

“No, Lance has.” 

“I did it for the Halloween dance.” 

Gwen peered up at her friend who was now rather perilously balanced right at the top, reaching for the light fixture that, to Arthur’s memory, had never been used as part of the decorations before. And with good reason. 

“No, you didn’t. Merlin why are you being so stubborn about this?” 

“Because I don’t want the Valentine’s dance to be lame this year.” 

“You think crepe paper is going to make or break the dance?” Lance asked, looking over to Gwen as if to say can you believe this guy? 

“One more inch. If I could just…reach…” 

“Merlin! Merlin be careful!” 

Arthur had quickened his pace when he noticed Merlin was wobbling at the top, but he began to run (awkwardly with his fucking cast) when he saw Merlin’s long arms flailing back. They pinwheeled as Merlin struggled to keep his balance, and for a second it almost seemed to work. It may have worked if Merlin lived in a cartoon, rather than just look like a cartoon rabbit with his big ears and eyes, but he didn’t. The ladder clattered as Merlin fell away from it, and Arthur dove the final feet, getting himself under Merlin just in time to break the boy’s fall. He envisioned himself getting his arms under Merlin’s body and catching him effortlessly and painfully. 

In reality, they both crashed to the gym floor in a pile of limbs and shouts. Arthur’s broken leg flared with pain and tiny tears spilled from the corners of his eyes. Merlin was on top of him, his face just an inch from Arthur’s, his cartoon-rabbit-eyes even wider than usual and so blue that for a moment, Arthur forgot about the fact that he wanted to cut off his own leg to stop the pain. At first, Arthur couldn’t hear anything except the rapid thump of his heart, and then Merlin released a shaky breath and the world sped up again. 

Lance and Will pulled Merlin off Arthur—“Come on you got to let him breathe--“ and Gwen crouched down next to Arthur’s shoulder, her face full of concern. “Are you all right? Oh my god, I can’t believe you broke his fall. Where did you even come from? Lance, did you see where he came from?” 

“How’s your leg, mate?” Lance had a rich English accent to go along with his brown eyes and great smile and perfect body. He played lacrosse and water polo but his real passion was diving. Arthur had woodshop with him their junior year, and he liked Lance well enough. Except for the twisting vines of jealousy he felt every time he saw Merlin and Lance walking side by side, teasing each other, laughing like they were the two funniest guys in the world. 

“It hurts.” 

“Yeah, I bet. It just gave out. Do you want me to help you up?” 

“No…no, I think I want to lay here for a bit.” 

“Fair enough.” 

“Oh my god!” Merlin broke away from Will and crawled over to Arthur’s side. “Oh my god, are you okay? You saved my life. I would have died if you weren’t here to catch me. Thank you.” 

Arthur had fifty pounds on Merlin, but the other boy lifted his shoulders off the floor with hardly any effort and pulled him into an unexpected and very enthusiastic hug. Arthur held himself stiffly, but the heat from Merlin’s tight body worked into his muscles and he didn’t quite relax, but he definitely enjoyed the contact more. He awkwardly returned the hug with one arm, using the other to brace himself against the slick floor. Merlin smelled like pumpkin (maybe it was nutmeg). 

“I’m just glad I was here on time.” 

Merlin finally released him, sitting back on his heels. “What were you doing here? I mean, that’s pretty lucky for me.” 

“I…” Arthur rubbed the back of his neck and wished Merlin would stop staring at him like that. “Well, I signed up to help decorate.” 

“You did?” Merlin scrambled across the floor and snagged his bag. Gwen, Lance, and Will all sort of hovered, waiting to see what Merlin would do, though Lance kept shooting worried glances at Arthur’s leg. “Oh, you did! Your name’s right here! Fantastic!” 

“Yeah, I don’t know if I’ll be any help now.” Arthur gestured at his leg and tried to swallow the tight knot in his throat. “I’m…actually in a lot of pain.” 

“Oh.” Merlin gave a guilty start and hopped to his feet. “Lance, come on, let’s help get him down to the nurse’s office.” 

“You don’t have to do that,” Arthur protested. “Really. I’ll be…” 

“Look, I owe you for saving my life. Seriously, my head would have splattered on the floor like a watermelon.” 

“Eww, there would have been brains all over the place.” 

“And blood all over the decorations,” Lance added. 

“We could have used it to decorate his funeral,” Will pointed out. 

Gwen slapped his arm. “Don’t be disgusting. We couldn’t use pink hearts for Merlin’s funeral.” 

“What would you suggest? Black hearts?” 

Merlin brightened at that. “With black crepe paper. And you could play the Smiths or something.” 

“Why save that for your funeral?” Will asked. “Why don’t we just do that for tonight’s dance?” 

“A Goth Valentine’s Day?” Merlin shrugged. “Sounds good to me, but now we don’t really have the time or the budget to change everything. Plus, Gaius wouldn’t appreciate it.” 

“He’d love it if you did.” 

“Um, guys?” Lance gestured at Arthur, who was still on the floor and trying not to look as stupid as he felt. “Maybe we could discuss Goth Valentine after we’ve helped Arthur.” 

Merlin smiled sheepishly. “Sorry about that. Here, Lance you take the other arm. Between the two of us we should…” 

They did. But it was difficult and awkward and Arthur’s body tried to ben in ways it shouldn’t. Gwen collected the crutches he’d abandoned in his rush. He held himself steady, but Merlin still insisted on walking with him. 

“I should probably have my head examined while I’m there. So…you’re Morgana’s brother, right?” 

“Half-brother.” 

“Ah. How is she doing?” 

“I don’t know. After she moved out for school we haven’t really kept in touch.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. But she’s at least liking school, right?” 

Arthur shrugged. “I guess so.” 

“Does your leg hurt? Man, we never get volunteers, and then when we finally do, I almost kill you. I’ll understand if that was the first and last time you offered to help.” 

“Well, like I said, I’m happy to help." This was the longest conversation he’d ever had with Merlin, and he couldn’t think of anything to say. “I’ll just have to stay off my leg.” 

“How do you feel about tying strings to balloons?” 

Arthur didn’t like anything about it, but Merlin’s smile was encouraging and it was meant for Arthur, and Arthur alone. This was more than Arthur ever dared to hope for. Besides, he did commit to helping, and clearly those three needed it. 

“I am great at tying strings to balloons.” 

“Great!” Merlin slapped the back of Arthur’s back then pulled his hand away quickly. “Um, sorry. I’m not trying to knock you down again, I promise.” 

Arthur forced himself to smile, and it even looked genuine despite the pain. If he spent another hour with Merlin, the boy probably would kill him. But then that’d just mean he’d spent his last hour on earth with Merlin, and Arthur couldn’t complain about that. And as he learned on the football field, sometimes you just have to play through the pain. 

#

“Oh, Merlin, he’s cute.” 

“I know, right? I’d fall off the ladder again if I thought he’d catch me.” 

Gwen covered her mouth to stifle a giggle and snuck another glance at Arthur, who was surrounded by about a million pink and white balloons. He was the most focused, determined person in the room, blowing up three balloons per minute, every minute. 

“Don’t you think we have enough? You could probably tell him to stop.” 

“Are you kidding me?!” 

“If you keep shouting, he’ll know we’re talking about him.” 

“Oh, sorry.” Merlin ducked his head closer to Gwen’s. “Look, if I tell him we have enough balloons, he might leave. I don’t want him to leave. I can’t even believe this is happening and he’s here.” 

“Why don’t you ask him if he’s going to the dance tonight?” 

“You want me to ask Arthur Pendragon to the dance?” 

“No. Ask him if he’s going. Then if he doesn’t plan it, and he probably doesn’t, invite him. Tell him you can give him a free ticket for admission.” 

“I’m not going to ask Arthur to the dance with me.” 

“Why not?” Gwen demanded. 

“Because he probably doesn’t like boys. I’ve never seen him at one of the Alliance meetings.” 

“Please, this is Arthur. He probably doesn’t even know there is a GLBT Alliance. He only goes to the pep rallies because Coach Kanen makes him. I mean, you said it yourself, the fact that he’s here at all is pretty weird.” 

“Maybe he’s here to try to get close to you.” 

“Oh, no he’s not,” Gwen protested, but Merlin could tell she was blushing. “Invite him out for coffee at least. Or that concert you’re going to tomorrow.” 

“No, I can’t do that. He’ll think it’s a date if it’s on Valentine’s day.” 

“It would be a date. That’s the point. What’s the worst that can happen if you ask?”

“Yeah, what’s the worst that can happen?” Lance asked, putting his arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “You two talking about Arthur?” 

Merlin groaned. “Does everybody in the gym know we’re talking about Arthur?” 

“Your voice carries in here.” 

Merlin looked stricken. “Does it?” 

Lance laughed. “Yeah, but you were whispering and he is pretty engrossed by those balloons. I’m sure he didn’t hear you. Gwen’s right. You should ask him out.” 

“Don’t start with me.” 

“You should go on at least one date before you graduate.” 

“I agree, but that doesn’t mean it should be with him,” Merlin said, trying not to look over his shoulder at the boy in question. Arthur was so pretty that sometimes Merlin went ten minutes out of his way just to catch a glimpse of him. Merlin had always harbored a little crush on him, but the previous summer, Arthur had put on an extra twenty pounds of muscle and his complexion and cleared and now he was perfect. Perfect. 

“Don’t you like him?” 

“Oh, I like him plenty. But, guys, it’s not that easy. What are the chances that the most gorgeous person I have ever met is not only gay, but likes me, too? They’re impossible. It’s so impossible that we’re crazy people for even having the conversation.” 

Gwen growled. “Merlin Emrys you are impossible. He volunteered to decorate the gym. Nobody does that. We don’t even do that. We’ll actually lose marks if we don’t take care of this stuff. But he’s here blowing up every pink balloon in the city. He’s got to be doing that for a reason.” 

“I already told you. He’s interested in you.” 

Lance frowned. “He better not be.” 

“He’s not. Just try, Merlin. How much will you regret it if you never even try?” 

“How much will I regret it if I do try and he tells me to go fuck myself?” 

“Merlin, nobody would ever say that to you,” Gwen promised him. 

“Arthur might. He told Mr. Neff to go fuck himself right in the middle of class. Remember that?” 

“He was thirteen at the time, Merlin. Maybe that was a phase he outgrew.” Gwen reached out and clasped his hand. “Look, do you want to go out with him?” 

“Yes.” 

“And do inappropriate things to his body?” 

“Gwen!” 

“Well?” 

Merlin felt his face turn pink. “Yes. Though I don’t see what that has to do with anything.” 

“Everything. So since we’ve got that established, march over there and ask him to meet you tonight after the dance. Simple as that.” 

Merlin very much wanted to, but it was not as simple as that. He realized he was gay in fifth grade, and though he didn’t try to keep it a secret, he didn’t flaunt the fact. Especially around the boys he wanted to kiss, in part because he couldn’t think of anything as nauseatingly terrible as making himself vulnerable enough to be utterly crushed under a boy’s heel. So he never approached anybody, which meant that while he had a full social calendar, he was still behind just about everybody else when it came to milestones. Like first dates and his first kiss. 

“Just go talk to him.” 

It was the only way to get Gwen off his back, so Merlin squared his shoulders and crossed the gym. The rest of the decorating committee and part of the student government showed up around five to help with everything, and they had pretty much all worked around Arthur without talking to him or even asking why he was there. Arthur, for his part, didn’t seem to mind being ignored. He didn’t go out of his way to get noticed. 

“Hey. How goes the balloons.” 

Arthur looked up, then startled Merlin by flinging his arms wide and pushing his shoulders back. Merlin tried to cover the fact that Arthur had scared him with his massive stretch, but he was distracted by how nice Arthur’s shoulders looked when they were flexed like that. 

“Good. But you mind if I stop? My fingers are starting to cramp up.” 

“Oh, no, that’s fine. Honestly, this is more balloons that we’ve ever had for a dance. Usually we just get distracted by sucking on the helium. Lance sounds particularly hilarious.” Merlin raised his voice an octave and spoke in the worst English accent imaginable. “He talks like this.” He coughed and shook his head. “Actually, he sounds nothing like that. That was terrible.” 

“You shouldn’t do that, you know.” 

“What?” 

“Inhale helium. It’s not good for you.” 

“I didn’t know that. Is that how you resisted temptation?” 

“I didn’t find it that tempting.” 

Merlin blinked. He could understand finding the inner strength to stop oneself from sucking on the hose, but not even wanting to? Weird. 

“I just wanted to thank you again for volunteering. You did a great job. Maybe you could help us with the prom?” 

“Yeah, maybe.” 

Okay, so far so good. Merlin was staying on point, he wasn’t drooling, and Arthur seemed comfortable with talking to him. He also didn’t appear to hold the earlier accident against him. Merlin’s stomach was still clenched in an uncomfortable knot, and he figured the only reason he hadn’t needed to change his pants was that there hadn’t been time to shit himself when he realized he was falling. It all happened too fast. 

“Look, me and Gwen were talking and…what are you doing tonight after the dance?” 

“Um…” Arthur balanced himself on his crutches and looked over to where Gwen was not-so-subtly watching them. “Look, I’m flattered but…I’m not really interested.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Merlin felt the hot rush of humiliation crawling up his spine, but he refused to give in to it. So he’d just experienced his first rejection. It wasn’t that bad. Arthur had been polite about it, and maybe things wouldn’t be too terribly awkward between them. Not that there were things between them. “Are you heading out? Can I carry your bag to your car? It’s really the least I can do after all your help today.” 

“No, I’ve got it. Look, tell Gwen I’m sorry.” 

“Tell Gwen…” Arthur thought Merlin had been asking for Gwen? Arthur thought Merlin was asking for Gwen! “Yeah, sure I will.” 

“Thanks. Enjoy your dance, Emrys.” 

“I’m going to take all the credit for the balloons.” 

Arthur smiled. “I don’t always need all the glory.” 

Merlin was struck speechless by the smile. He couldn’t really move, either. He watched Arthur limp out of the gym and turned back to Gwen’s, whose encouraging smile had faded to a perplexed frown. 

“He doesn’t want to date you!” Merlin announced. 

“What? You weren’t asking him for me.” 

“I know, but he thought I was, and he turned you down!” 

“Merlin, please stop sounding so happy about the fact that a very pretty boy has no interest in me. It’s disturbing.” 

Merlin tried to wipe the smile from his face, but he couldn’t. Not completely. “I’m sorry, but look, maybe if he’s not interested in you, he might not like girls.” 

“Not every straight boy in the school is interested in me.” 

“Not only because Lance would kill them. But secretly? They all want you. Besides, Arthur probably doesn’t even know you’re dating Lance.” 

“I think you’re grasping at straws.” 

“I thought you were supposed to be encouraging me in this insanity.” 

“I am. What are you going to do?” 

Merlin grinned widely. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve got to get his attention.” 

“Five minutes ago you didn’t even want to ask him on a date.” 

“I know, but he smiled at me. And Gwen, his smile is…” Merlin sighed, gaze turning distant as he thought about the wonder that was Arthur’s smile. And his nose. Merlin had a thing for noses, and Arthur’s was rather exceptional. Not to mention his eyes, or the way his hair brushed across his forehead. And there was the fact that Arthur had saved his life, and who wouldn’t find that a turn on? 

Arthur beating a hasty retreat was a little disheartening, but he’d never been the most social person. As long as he didn’t run away on Monday when Merlin tried to talk to him, everything would be good. 

#

People seemed to forget that just because Arthur was quiet and kept to himself it didn’t mean he was deaf. He could hear everybody perfectly well. He knew when they were talking about him, when they were sliding their eyes sideways and muttering things under his breath, asking what he was doing there. Arthur couldn’t have been more conspicuous if he tried, resolutely filling those damned balloons and making his clumsy fingers negotiate the string until it formed a knot that would hold. Then he bundled them together in groups of twelve because Merlin never told him what to do with the damned things, and the whole time he could feel people staring at him. 

Being near Merlin was nice. Until Merlin had gone over to the corner with Gwen and started whispering about him. He knew they were whispering about him because neither of them could stop looking at him. He tried to concentrate on the stupid string, but they were just on the other side of the gym and he could feel the weight of their eyes. Then Merlin exclaimed “Are you kidding me?” like Gwen had said the most ridiculous thing ever. Arthur was just paranoid enough to suspect it had something to do with him and Merlin’s weird attempt at setting the two of them up. Merlin wasn’t very perceptive if he thought that would ever work out. Gwen clearly had something for Lance. 

Arthur was too sore and exhausted to fuck around with dinner when he finally got home, so he grabbed two packages of ramen and ate them dry while checking out his favorite sites for the most recent updates. When the pain in his leg became so unbearable even the porn couldn’t hold his attention, he took two of his vicodin and crashed. His sleep was deep enough to cover the relentless throbbing, and his dreams were like watercolors behind his eyes, images fading together and then washing away, leaving impressions but no concrete shapes. 

He would have been happy to stay caught up in that dream world for the entire morning, but some cheerful sound drilled into his brain until he sat up and shouted for Cedred to answer the damned door. Arthur shouted twice more before he remembered that all the servants had the weekend off and Arthur had the entire house to himself. The doorbell continued, chiming the same notes again and again and again. He burrowed under his pillows and tried to wait it out, but after about a half minute Arthur decided that was a stupid plan. 

Arthur didn’t bother to put on anything over his boxers. If somebody wanted to bug him on a Saturday morning, they could just deal with the view. It took him three attempts to balance on his crutches, and at least he’d had the forethought to move into a bedroom on the ground floor after getting his cast. The journey to the front door was only about a third as horrible as it could have been. 

By the time he reached the door, the doorbell had stopped and the knocking had started. Arthur didn’t know what the fuck that was supposed to accomplish. Did the idiot think that if Arthur couldn’t hear the bell, he’d be in a position to hear the door? Why didn’t the asshole draw the obvious conclusion that the house’s occupant was either gone or sleeping in? It was probably some douchebag salesman, and in that case, Arthur intended to give the jerk a very big piece of his mind. 

Arthur yanked the door open and was greeted with a fucking giant bouquet of pink balloons. Arthur stared, open mouthed, as they swayed against each other in the breeze, gently dancing and knocking together.

“Is this some sort of joke?” 

Merlin’s head suddenly poked out from the bundle of balloons, and his grin stretched from ear to ear. “It’s me!” 

Arthur jerked back. “What? What the fuck are…?” 

“I’m sorry.” The grin faded slightly, became more concerned. “Did I wake you? I thought you’d be up by now.” 

“What time is it?” 

“Eight,” Merlin said brightly. “I still had all these balloons left over from last night and I thought ‘well, maybe Arthur would like them.’” 

“Why would you think that?” 

Merlin faltered a little. “Because everybody like balloons?” 

Perhaps, but surely not these balloons. They were pink. Very pink. Like Piglet dipped in Pepto-Bismol. Arthur decided to change the subject. “Why did you think I’d be up at eight?” 

“Oh! Because I’m usually up by six.” 

“Don’t you sleep in like a normal person?” 

Merlin blinked. “Well, yeah. During the week I’m up at five.” 

“What?” 

Merlin’s smile disappeared completely, and he leaned forward with obvious concern. “Are you sure you’re all right? You must still be half-asleep.” 

“I’m perfectly awake,” Arthur snapped. “Well…some coffee would probably help.” 

“I thought so,” Merlin said, moving his hand from behind his back to reveal the most beautiful thing Arthur had ever seen. 

“Oh thank god. Wait. Why are there four cups?” 

Merlin shrugged. “In case it’s a two-cup morning.” 

“I love the way you think.” 

“There’s a Starbucks on the corner. I get a special Merlin discount because I’m there so much. I’ve even been known to ditch third period if it’s a three-cup morning.” 

Arthur grinned and pushed open the door wider. “Come in.” 

“I don’t know if the balloons will fit through the door.” 

“Well you can’t leave them out front. You’ll embarrass me in front of the whole neighborhood.” 

“They really are hideous by the harsh light of day,” Merlin mused, tugging the strings behind him as he entered. “They weren’t so bad in the gym with low, flashing lights.” 

“I bet the stoners got a real kick out of them.” 

“They’re usually the ones who enjoy them the most. They’d probably be crushed if we skipped over them.” Merlin said it with such perfect sincerity that Arthur couldn’t tell if he was joking. Not until the grin broke out again. “I’ll just leave these by the door.” 

“Thanks. I don’t think I can look at them anymore.” 

“Keep saying things like that and I’ll think you don’t like my gift.” 

“I love your coffee.” 

By the time they reached the den where Arthur spent the vast majority of his life, it struck him that Merlin Emrys was in his house. Which was really no reason to get a sudden attack of butterflies right below his heart, or suddenly have sweaty palms. He moved to wipe his hands off on his pants and that’s when he realized he wasn’t wearing any pants. 

His blush was immediate and life-threatening. It spread from his chest (Arthur was sure his nipples felt hot) to the roots of his hair. His palms tingled. His scalp tingled. He wanted the ground to open him up and swallow him whole and hold him into the cool earth until his skin didn’t feel like it was literally scalded and about to peel off his flesh. 

“I’m just gonna go get dressed,” Arthur muttered. “Makeyourselfcomfortable.” 

Arthur didn’t wait for a response before he limped to his room, moving too slow, his heart thundering in his ears the whole way. 

Merlin was in love. He felt terrible for being so shallow, but the plain fact of it was, he’d never loved anything like he loved Arthur Pendragon. Did he make it a habit out of walking around the house in his underwear? Did he do it so routinely that he utterly forgot to dress himself before opening the door and was it possible to take advantage of that fact? Could he think of a different reason to bring him around Arthur’s house every single morning? Coffee seemed to be the way to Arthur’s heart. Merlin could ply him with coffee until they were both nervous wrecks. Nervous, half-naked (God willing) wrecks. 

Arthur returned ten minutes later in sweats red and gold sweats—go Knights!—and a white T-shirt. If Arthur had to get dressed, Merlin approved of this choice. The T-shirt was especially flattering. 

“So do you live here by yourself or what?” 

“There are usually servants but…” 

“Servants?” 

“Yeah.” 

“You have servants.” 

“Um, yeah. Who else would do the work?” 

“You.” 

“I have far too much to do.” 

Merlin looked around the room, taking in the four game consoles, the Blu-Ray player, the various iPod accessories (was that iPad case?), and the two computers. “I see. What about your parents?” 

“My dad has work.” 

Arthur didn’t elaborate, and Merlin decided he didn’t need more of an explanation. “What’s your favorite console? I have an Xbox, though I think I’ll get a Wii for Christmas.” 

Arthur shrugged. “The Xbox is good. I like to play Call of Duty and World at War. You play those?” 

“Oh yeah,” Merlin shamelessly lied, “I love them. Especially the one that was just released. So, I…actually came over to ask you something. I can’t stay too long. I’m on my way to the animal shelter.” 

“Why? Are you getting a dog or something?” 

“No, I volunteer there on Saturdays.” 

“Of course you do,” Arthur said under his breath. 

“It’s fun. I just spend all morning playing with the dogs. If I could get paid to do it, I’d probably be a high school dropout.” 

“You play with the dogs?” 

“Yeah. Or pet the cats. Sometimes I help people choose a pet.” Merlin shrugged. “It’s fun. A nice way to relax at the end of the week. You should try it sometime.” 

“I don’t know. Aren’t you afraid the dogs will bite you or something?” 

“I wasn’t before.” Merlin took a sip of his coffee and grimaced. Not enough sugar, but he wasn’t about to ask Arthur if he could go find any. He needed to do what he went there to do and go about his day before he forgot he was supposed to leave. “Are you doing anything tonight?” 

“What?” 

“Are you busy tonight? I know it’s Valentine’s Day and this is crazy short notice. But I have these tickets for a concert…” 

“You’re asking me to go to a concert with you?” 

“Yeah, I won these tickets and nobody can go with me because they all have dates, and I thought maybe…since you saved my life and…I mean I’ve known you since Kindergarten but we don’t really know each other and we’re seniors, so there’s no time like the present. And I’ll…just stop talking now.” 

Arthur was staring at him like he’d grown a second head, and why did he have to be obnoxiously good looking and make Merlin so self-conscious? He’d never been self-conscious like this in his life, and his wardrobe for Midsummer had barely covered anything at all. 

“Sure, that sounds like fun.” 

“Really? Great! What kind of music do you like?” 

Arthur’s lips quirked. “Does it really matter at this point?” 

“No, I suppose not.” 

“I like anything I don’t have to dance to.” 

“Because of your leg?” 

“Because I don’t like dancing.” 

“Is that why you never go to the school dances?” 

Arthur shrugged. “Do you want me to meet you at the venue or what?” 

“No, no reason for both of us to pay a million dollars for parking. I’ll pick you up.” Like this is a real date. Oh fuck, is this a real date? Would he agree to it if he thought it was? Maybe I shouldn’t have offered to pick him up. 

“What time?” 

“Six?” 

“I’ll be ready.” 

“Great. Awesome. I’ll just show myself out and I’ll see you tonight. At six.” Merlin nearly knocked over his coffee in an uncharacteristic display of clumsiness, and he was sure his arms had suddenly spouted an extra six inches. He felt like one of those inflatable tube men he always saw dancing and bending in car lots. One that was painted the most garish, eye-assaulting shade of orange. 

“I’ll walk you out,” Arthur offered. 

“You don’t have to do that. Oh, but how is your leg? I didn’t do you any permanent damage, did I?” Merlin chewed the bottom of his lip, concern welling up. “Did I?” 

“Not that I can tell. I feel perfectly fine this morning.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, mostly. I’m sure they won’t have to amputate.” 

“If they do amputate, I’ll pay for your wooden leg.” 

“Wooden? I’d insist on titanium.” 

“They make you pay for titanium these days, don’t they?” 

“As far as I know.” 

Merlin raised his hands. “I’m flat broke. I could only afford a peg leg. But to make it up to you, I’d throw in an eye patch.” 

“I don’t want to be a pirate.” 

“You’d be a hot pirate.” 

Arthur’s eyebrow plucked with surprise, and Merlin knew he needed to get out of there before he made the situation worse. 

“But I’m sure it won’t come to that. So I’ll just be on my way. And I’ll see you tonight.” 

Arthur laughed, the sound surprisingly throaty. “Until then.”

Merlin felt hot and flushed and strangely romantic when he passed through the foyer. He plucked one balloon from the bunch and left the rest floating there beside Arthur’s door.   
#

Arthur liked his music fast, loud enough to hurt his ears, and without any discernible lyrics. He listened to a lot of thrash metal when he was working out or his dad was home and Arthur wanted to drown out the sound of his movies. Not that he had any reason to think Uther could hear them from the other side of the house, but Arthur figured he’d rather be safe than sorry. He never listened to music just because he enjoyed it, only when he preferred sound to silence, a driving bass line to his own heartbeat. He didn’t go to many concerts. He didn’t know what to expect from this one. He spent two hours floundering around his room, trying to dress in something appropriate, trying to tame his hair, cursing his stupid cast, and periodically freaking out. 

Merlin rang the bell promptly at six and Arthur forced himself to wait a full minute before he opened the door because he didn’t want Merlin to know that he’d been waiting at the door for the previous thirty. Merlin wore skinny jeans and a black Pixies T-shirt. He’d teased his hair into peaks, and he wore a leather bracelet Arthur had never noticed before. He stared at it for a little too long, then stared a little longer at the inside of Merlin’s wrist. 

“I hope you’re hungry,” Merlin greeted. 

“Why?” 

“I’m going to take you to dinner.” 

“I…did you mention that earlier today?” 

“No. Do you not want to eat? We don’t have to.” 

Arthur’s stomach growled, reminding him that he’d been too distracted to eat anything at all that day. Even if he had a full stomach, he’d never, ever turn down food. He once told Uther that he wasn’t in the mood for anymore fries, and Uther had been ready to take him to the ER over it. 

“I’m always hungry.” 

“Me too. Gwen thinks I ate my weight every day. But I’m a growing boy.” 

“That’s what I tell Uther when he bitches about the grocery bill.” 

“Uther? Your dad? Is he around tonight?” 

“Um, no. He won’t be home until next week probably.” 

“You don’t know?” 

Arthur shrugged. “I probably won’t even be around when he gets in, and he spends most of his time at his office when he’s in town.” 

“Don’t you…doesn’t that bother you?” 

“Why should it? I have the whole house to myself, I do what I want, go where I want. It works for me.” 

Merlin didn’t look entirely sold on the awesomeness of Arthur’s life, but he was too distracted by something over Arthur’s shoulder to press the matter. 

“You still have the balloons!” 

“Oh, yeah, well, I didn’t really have a chance to throw them out. Busy day, you know.” Arthur didn’t mention that he did have the time to move half of them to the den, and maybe one had followed him into his bedroom while he was getting ready for the concert(date). 

“You like them.” 

“No, I don’t. They’re hideous. I can’t believe you paid money for them.” 

“If you can’t embrace pink on Valentine’s Day, then when can you?” 

“You could possibly not embrace pink,” Arthur suggested. 

Merlin made a snorty-snuffy sound like that was the most ridiculous thing he ever heard. Arthur locked the door behind him and carefully made his way down the walk. Merlin stuck close to his side, and Arthur could sense that Merlin wanted to offer to help. It drove Arthur crazy that people thought just because he was on crutches, he was some sort of invalid. 

“Do you like Antonio’s?” 

“The pizza place? Yeah, it’s not bad.” 

“I thought we could go there. It’s the least romantic place I can think of and I thought since it’s Valentine’s Day and this isn’t…a candlelit dinner might be…not good.” 

Arthur balanced on one leg and pushed the crutches into the backseat before maneuvering himself into the passenger seat. “Pizza’s great.” 

If it were left up to Arthur, the entire ride to Antonio’s would be stiff with silence. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to Merlin, but his tongue was paralyzed and his brain kept going back to football plays and World War II strategies, and neither subject seemed appropriate for a Valentine’s Day outing-that-wasn’t-a-date-but-sure-felt-like-one. Fortunately, Merlin was more than comfortable carrying the conversation, sometimes playing both roles and answering his own questions while he sped along at about one hundred words per minutes. 

Since Arthur couldn’t hope to keep up with the conversation, he distracted himself by watching Merlin from the corner of his eye. He had enough practice that he could do it without giving himself away. Street lights rolled over Merlin’s face while they drove, his features hidden and then sharply accented against the winter night in regular intervals. That pumpkin smell was stronger in his car, buried in the upholstery and clinging to Arthur’s skin. It was far from unpleasant. Arthur wanted to bury his face in Merlin’s neck and inhale, wanted to investigate until he found the source and then cover himself in it. 

Merlin turned to look at him, making eye contact without warning and startling Arthur out of his deep thoughts. “So I’ll understand if you don’t want to help because it’s not your normal thing. But I promise, there won’t be pink balloons. Well, there will be. There will probably be a lot of pink balloons, to be honest. But you won’t be in charge of them.” 

Help with what? Another dance? Probably, if there were balloons involved. Merlin turned his attention back to the road, but as soon as he stopped at a light, he was looking at Arthur again with hopeful expectation. Arthur forgot his resolve to never help with another dance. 

“Sure, no problem. Just tell me where and when you need me.” 

“Really? God, that’s great. Where have you been all of my life?” 

Waiting for you to notice me. “In the remedial classes.” 

“Why do you even take those classes?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I know you don’t need remedial history. You knew more about it than Mr. Neff did.” 

Arthur frowned. “I hated that guy.” 

“I remember. I don’t think I ever saw anybody turn that shade of purple before.” 

Arthur laughed. “I really thought he was going to hit me.” 

“He probably thought you would have hit him back.” 

“Nah, I just would have had my dad make his life a living hell.” 

“But still. You should have taken AP History this year. I know you could pass the test, and then you’d have your history credit out of the way.” 

“I’m not good at writing essays. Plus, I don’t even know if I’ll go to college. I haven’t decided. I guess I’ll have to wait to see if I got accepted anywhere.” 

“Oh.” 

“Where are you thinking about going?” 

“I don’t know. I applied to lots of different places. The big ones because my mom wanted me to. You know, Harvard and Yale and Brown and stuff. But I’m thinking I want to stick closer to home. I’ll just have to see who wants me, I guess.” 

“Any place that doesn’t want you isn’t worth your time anyway,” Arthur said, unable to think of a single reason why the universities wouldn’t be fighting to get Merlin in their doors. 

“Thanks. So you know where the GLBT resource center is, right?” 

“What?” 

“The GLBT center? For the queer prom.” 

The what? Did Arthur just agree to do something for the queer prom? What the hell was the queer prom? The high school had a GLBT resource center? Arthur felt like he’d suddenly been thrown into the deep end of the pool, cast and all, and the water was burning his eyes and stinging his sinuses. 

“You should probably pick me up if it’s not too much trouble.” 

“No problem at all. But if I’m being too pushy, you know, you could tell me to back off. Sometimes I get like that. Gwen says I can be a bit of a bully.” 

Considering Arthur hadn’t heard ninety-five percent of what Merlin said, he couldn’t make a judgment call either way. 

“Not that I think anybody could bully you into doing something you didn’t want to do.” 

You’d probably be surprised at what you could get me to do. “You never mentioned who we were seeing tonight.” 

“Oh, sorry. Franz Ferdinand. Do you like them?” 

“Love them,” Arthur said enthusiastically, wondering if he would even recognize any songs. 

It turned out that Arthur knew nothing about Franz Ferdinand and Merlin really, really loved them. 

Arthur managed to find a chair against the wall, but it was general admission and the club was packed. Arthur didn’t catch the name of the opening act, but they got the crowd worked up to a mass of sweaty, writhing bodies. Merlin stuck near him for the set, standing in place and wiggling in the most startlingly wonderful way. It was all in the hips. Arthur felt comfortable staring a bit more openly, and stare he did until his cock started to harden and he shifted away self-consciously. 

“They were really good,” Merlin shouted over the applause as the band left the stage. “I think I’ll buy their album.” 

Arthur nodded, his ears ringing. Somehow, even more people elbowed their way to the main floor, and the crowd began to swell until there wasn’t a space of standing room. 

“I wonder if this place is up to code,” Arthur muttered. 

“What?” 

“Because of all the people. Do you think they’re over capacity?” 

“I don’t know. Probably not?” 

“I’m just saying I don’t want to die in here.” 

Merlin tilted his head. “Well, it probably won’t come to that.” 

“I just meant there are a lot of people here. Franz…um…Ferdinand is pretty popular.” 

“Yeah.” Merlin was looking at him even more strangely. “They are.” 

Arthur felt a strange suction in his chest and looked away, hoping he’d be saved by the lowering of the house lights. If the band took the stage right that second, Arthur would become their most ardent supporter and buy every single one of their albums on iTunes and CD. 

“I’m gonna get a Coke. Do you want one?” 

“Yeah, thanks.” 

As soon as Merlin disappeared into the crown, Arthur eyed the exit and wondered about making his escape. He thought he could probably make it to the door if he just tucked his crutches under one arm and hopped like his ass was on fire. Once he made it out the door, he could call a cab and be home before Merlin even realized he was gone.

Arthur rejected the thought quickly. He didn’t run away from things, even if he made an ass out of himself. Mostly. Starting now, which was as good a time as any. 

The lights went down while Arthur was still congratulating himself on his show of bravery. Merlin still wasn’t back, and Arthur rose off his stool a little, trying to catch his goofy head among the rest of the normal ones. Then the band emerged from the side of the stage and everybody went fucking wild. Arthur had never heard anything like it. Not even after a big win had excited the crowd this much. Arthur’s blood warmed, and he straightened more, absently resting weight against the bottom of his enclosed foot. The music crashed around him until his teeth vibrated and his finger was absently twitching to the beat. 

The floodlights on the stage swung outward, shining on the crowd, bathing them in crisp, white light. Arthur spotted Merlin in that split second, somewhere towards the middle of the crowd, a giant smile on his face, teeth as bright as his hair was dark. The image of him dancing burned in Arthur’s retina, and did it look like Merlin was dancing with somebody familiar? Some hippy dippy girl with long wavy hair and hemp bracelets and long skirts that fanned around her long legs. He’d seen her around the shop room because she took classes like basket-weaving and scrapbooking. 

Freya. 

Merlin was very eagerly dancing with Freya, and Arthur didn’t have a perfect view of him, but he was sure Merlin’s hands were empty. Which meant he never made it to the bar. He hadn’t been going after drinks at all. And the worst part was, Arthur couldn’t even legitimately upset. Because they were just there as friends, and no guy would be upset if his buddy found an interested girl. 

Arthur slumped back against the wall. He hated Franz Ferdinand. He hated concerts, and dancing, and people. He especially hated people. Why did Merlin always make him feel this way? Nobody on the planet made Arthur feel so utterly miserable just by being himself. 

If he didn’t have his cast, he would slam his way through the crowd, knocking people in the back and elbowing them aside to get to Merlin. Then he would…do something great. Something so irresistible, Merlin forgot all about whats-her-name. 

“Arthur. Arthur! Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Here, I got you two cokes in case you were extra thirsty from the wait.” Merlin thrust both cups under Arthur’s nose. “I was on my way to the bar, but then I ran into Freya and then the show started and I just wanted to have one dance, but then they just kept playing and I lost track of time. Here, take them.” 

Arthur obediently took the cups, trying to sort through the whirlwind of Merlin’s explanation. It was difficult to hear him because the crowd was roaring and clapping for an encore, but Merlin had never looked so sincere. 

“It’s okay,” Arthur shouted back. “I’ve just been enjoying the music.” 

Merlin beamed at him. “I’ll send you the albums if you want. I wish you could have been dancing with us. I know you said you don’t like dancing, but you would have liked this. It felt great.” 

“I…” 

The shouting and stomping increased in volume, alerting Merlin to what was happening on the stage behind him. He spun around just as a catchy riff started and when he looked back to Arthur, his face was alight with excitement. 

“Come on, you have to dance to this one.” 

“My cast…” 

“Dance with me. It’s all in the hips anyway.” 

So sexy, you’re sexy, come and dance with me Michael. 

Arthur caught sight of Freya over Merlin’s shoulder. She was moving like a shark through the mass, and Merlin was clearly her prey. Arthur’s eyes narrowed. Who did she think she was? Why did she get to hot Merlin’s attentions all night? What a hussy, throwing herself at him like that. Well, Arthur wasn’t going to stand for it. He carefully placed the cups beneath his stool and leaned the crutches against it. 

“Okay. You show me what to do.” 

Arthur had never danced in public, but he knew how to use his body. He had perfect control of it, and even during the awkwardness of his adolescence, he could never be described as clumsy. Even with the heavy cast wrapped around his leg, he found it easy to follow Merlin’s lead. He noticed Freya noticing them, stopping short as she watched the two of them dancing so close together. 

Sticky hair, sticky hips, stubble on my sticky lips. 

There were too many bodies in that room, and the air was thick with sweat and pheromones. Arthur’s hair quickly stuck to his scalp, and now he was close enough to see that Merlin was similarly drenched. What would it be like to peel that damp T-shirt from his skin and absorb some of that heat with his mouth? Oh, he could do so many things to Merlin. He knew so many things and he would be happy to show Merlin every one. Their thighs touched, then their hips. Arthur took a half-step forward and then another, allowing his groin to grind against Merlin’s bony hip. His eyes rolled up at the pressure, and it seemed like the tempo changed. The song might have changed. The music might have stopped for all Arthur cared. 

Freya began dancing near them, but of the two boys, Arthur seemed to be the one paying her the most attention. He was hyper aware of her, and he constantly checked Merlin’s line of sight to make sure that he wasn’t staring at her the whole time. But he never was, and Arthur’s anxiety gradually reduced until he was too caught up in Merlin to care about the ones who might be vying for his attention. 

The band played a second encore, and by the time they actually left the stage for good, Arthur’s clothes were soaked through with sweat, his leg was throbbing, and his cock was so engorged he thought he might actually pass out from all the blood rushing away from his head. Freya moved closer to Merlin, and Arthur decided the best defense was a strong offense. He took Merlin by the arm and pulled him closer, murmuring “My leg is killing me. Do you think you could help me out?” 

It was underhanded. It definitely wasn’t fair play. It might have even been cheating, but Arthur didn’t care because it worked. Merlin immediately pulled Arthur’s arm over his shoulder and pulled him into Merlin’s skinny body. 

“Here, just let me support your weight. Are you okay? Oh, I shouldn’t have made you dance with me. I’m really not trying to get your leg amputated.” 

“Merlin, I’m fine. It’s fine. I had a lot of fun.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. You’re a good teacher.” 

“You’re good at moving your hips.” 

“Merlin, I…” I want to pull you into the nearest dark corner and rut against your thigh until I come. I promise it won’t take long. “I need some air.” 

“We’ll go out the fire exit.” 

Arthur nodded and let Merlin pull him through the crowd until they reached the side door with a warning on it that an alarm would sound. Merlin pushed it open and was answered by silence. It slammed behind them, and Arthur realized there were alone, breathless. Merlin was slick and squirmy against him, and Arthur acted without thinking, nearly blinded by his need to just be closer. He turned his body enough to back Merlin against the brick wall, trapping him there and eyeing his wet skin hungrily. 

“Arthur?” 

Arthur didn’t know if he should blame the fresh, cool air going to his head, or the fact that Merlin had spent the past thirty minutes rubbing against him. He tilted his head and nuzzled his mouth against Merlin’s jaw, hoping praying please don’t let me be wrong about this, please, pleasepleaseplease. Merlin didn’t jerk away from him, and Arthur began to think that yeah, yeah, he could do this. Especially after he shifted his hips forward and felt the actual, undeniable evidence of Merlin’s arousal. 

“Oh God, Merlin…” 

“Kiss me, Arthur. Please kiss me.” 

Arthur had three kisses under his belt, all of them with girls, and none of them even close enough to prepare him for this. They both moved their heads at the same time, knocking their noses together. Arthur decided to just go for it and sealed his mouth over Merlin’s like a vacuum hose. He knew he was doing it, but he couldn’t help himself. Merlin made an awkward sort of protest and pulled his head away. 

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said in a rush. “I can do better. Let me try again.” 

“Here, let me.” Merlin held the back of Arthur’s head and tentatively touched their lips again. He remained still for a long moment, and Arthur realized one of them had to move or do something. He licked Merlin’s bottom lip, and the other boy jolted, lips pressing more firmly to Arthur’s as he responded in kind. They teased each other lightly, their tongues darting forward to sample the salty-sweetness of each other’s mouths before shyly retreating again. Arthur had never experienced anything so utterly perfect in every way. 

Arthur rocked against him without thought or any specific intent. Merlin rocked back, like they were dancing. Merlin’s jeans were tight, and his cock was outlined in sharp relief, the ridge more than evident pressed against Arthur’s inner thigh. What would Merlin do if Arthur shoved his hand down his pants and palmed his stiff flesh? Arthur couldn’t risk anything like that in public, but the more he tasted of Merlin’s mouth, the more he felt like he could do anything.

Arthur had been on edge before they ever stepped out of the club, but being that close to Merlin, dipping his tongue between Merlin’s lips again and again, was just too much to ignore. The pleasure stabbed at him in sharp spikes until he felt broken and desperate. It didn’t feel like the pleasant ache he got from watching his movies. This was agonizing and so much deeper. The pain seemed to be coming from the very core of him, radiating into every cell in his body. 

“Merlin…oh…” Arthur stiffened and gasped, his body shuddering as his cock twitched, soaking his boxers with warm come. Merlin echoed him, fingers digging into his shoulders and eyes rolling back as he reached his peak and rode out his pleasure. 

When their breathing returned to normal, neither one of them knew what to say. 

#

“I think Arthur’s gay.” 

Gwen’s face lit up. “So the date went well?” 

Merlin tapped his pencil against his physics book and wondered, not for the first time, whatever possessed him to take AP physics as his elective. He was going to ruin his GPA, and for what? Because Dr. Gaius had goaded him into it and made Merlin think he had something to prove, but he definitely wasn’t going to pass the test. And now that he had Arthur to think about, he’d be lucky if he even passed the class. He was staring at the distinct possibility of destroying his perfect 4.0 and all he could really think about was kissing Arthur. 

“I…I don’t know. I accidentally abandoned him during the show because I started dancing with Freya.” 

Gwen made a face. “Really?” 

“Yeah, and man, he looked pissed when I got back to him. I felt so terrible.” 

“Worse than when you almost killed him?” 

“Yeah, actually. But he also looked really hot, so I tried to get him to dance.” 

“But he has a cast.” 

“I know he has a cast. Are you going to let me finish this story?” 

“Oh, yes, of course. Go on.” 

“Thank you. So I didn’t think he would but then he did, and it was…I don’t get why he doesn’t like to dance.” 

“I think you just liked him rubbing against you.” 

“Gwen.” 

Gwen pressed her lips together and mimed zipping them before tossing the imaginary key over her shoulder. 

“So we danced for both encores, and he was really, really getting into it, you know? Then he said he needed some air, so we went out that fire exit they keep open for smokers.” Merlin paused, debating if he should tell Gwen the whole story. He always told Gwen everything. She was like his diary, except unlike a journal, she gave him advice and supportive hugs. But he’d never had to tell her anything like this. She was already leaning so far forward that she was practically lying on the table, and her eyes seemed to be warning him that he better not leave out of any of the details. “He sorta pushed me against the wall and then he…kissed my jaw.” 

“Oh my god!” 

“Shh! Jesus, Gwen, you’re going to get us kicked out of the library.” 

“Sorry, sorry, but that’s totally hot. It was hot, right?” 

“I felt like everything inside me was melting,” Merlin admitted. “Up til that moment, it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. So I…practically begged him to kiss me.” 

“Oh my god!” Gwen whispered, though it still sounded more like a shout. Merlin looked around the library to see if anybody was shooting death glares at them and sank lower in his chair. “Was he good?” 

“Honestly? Not really. It felt like he was trying to suck my face off my face.” 

Gwen’s face fell. “Oh.” 

“But then I kissed him and that was…” Merlin paused, overwhelmed by the task of finding the right adjectives for Arthur’s mouth. “Amazing. Perfect.” 

Gwen collapsed onto the desk in a fake swoon. “That’s so romantic. It sounds like you had the perfect Valentine’s Day.” 

“Well…almost.” 

“Why? What happened?” 

Merlin’s cheeks flooded with heat. “You know when you and Lance are making out?” 

It was Gwen’s turn to blush. “Merlin.” 

“Look, if you get to hear about me and Arthur, then I get to talk about you and Lance. Besides, everybody knows you two are sucking face. Why don’t you just date?” 

“It’s not that easy…” 

“Whatever.” Merlin wasn’t impressed with Gwen’s protests, especially since she had the implicit support of everybody. “Anyway, so when you and Lance are making out, does he ever…has he ever…just…finished?” 

“Finished what?” 

“Come on, Gwen. You know what I mean. While you’re kissing and not touching him or anything, just kissing, has he ever…come in his pants?” 

Gwen’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head. “Are you shitting me?” 

“Gwen! Language.” 

“Sorry, sorry.” 

“You’ve been better about that lately,” Merlin said encouragingly. 

“I would normally put a quarter in my swearing jar, but I think that was the only appropriate response. So…did he really?” 

“Yeah. We…we both did.” 

“Oh. Well. That’s good, right, that you both had a good time?” 

“I don’t know. I’d say yes except Arthur didn’t say another word to me for the rest of the night. Not until I dropped him off and he said, and I quote, ‘good night.’” 

“That’s…not encouraging.” 

Merlin hit his forehead against the thick physics book he’d probably never open again. “I know. I keep wondering if I did something wrong or if he’s just the king of mixed signals.” 

“It really doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything wrong. It sounds like you did everything right. Did you see him this morning?” 

“No. I…well, I almost saw him. But then I ducked into the music room.” 

“Why would you do that?” 

“Because I didn’t know what to say to him! Sorry for ruining your pants?” 

“It’s a start.” 

“I wonder if they make a card for something like that.” 

“No, but oh! There’s one of those machines that make personalized cards at Wal-Mart. You could use that.” 

Merlin lifted his head long enough to glare. “I wasn’t serious.” 

“Sorry.”   
Merlin huffed and dropped his head again. The textbook was smooth and cool against his overheated skin, but it wasn’t enough to distract him from the memory of Arthur’s hot mouth. If the blond walked into the library right then, Merlin would kiss him again. Merlin would kiss him anywhere, any time. Just thinking about it made his cock twitch. It occurred to him that if he wasn’t careful, he’d have a repeat of seventh grade aka The Worst Year In the History of the World. Merlin’s hormones had been out of control, and he spent every day randomly popping boners and trying to hide them by never leaving his desk and carrying his books in front of him. Merlin did not want to go through that again. Though it wouldn’t be quite the same. Maybe if he could just stop thinking about Arthur…

Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. 

“Are you going to try to talk to him, though?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe I should wait for him to talk to me.” 

“What if he’s waiting for you to talk to him?” 

“Why would he be doing that?” 

“Well, who came first?” 

“The chicken,” Merlin deadpanned. 

“What?” 

“Arthur. Arthur did.” 

“Maybe he thinks he did something wrong.” 

“Oh.” 

“Invite him to come with us tomorrow night. Arthur might like free climbing, and he might feel more comfortable if it’s not a date.” 

“Saturday wasn’t a date, either.” Merlin frowned. “I think. Though he did look really nice, and we had dinner first, and then we both got off. Maybe that is a date. Maybe I should look on the Internet. Somebody’s got to have a date checklist.” 

“Most people aren’t so socially retarded they don’t know when they’re on a date, Merlin.” 

“You just want to invite Arthur so I’m not the awkward third wheel while you and Lance make googly eyes at each other.” 

“We do not make googly eyes. Ask Arthur at lunch.” 

“No. No. I’ll ask him, but this is the sort of thing that needs to wait until after school. If I ask him before that, I’ll be too distracted for the rest of the day, and we have a test in English this afternoon.” 

“Why aren’t you studying for that?” 

“We’re just writing an essay on The Metamorphosis. I’m good with Kafka. Just not while I’m obsessing over Arthur.” 

“When’s your physics test?” 

Merlin pushed the book away from him. “Tomorrow. I’m doomed. Seriously, Gwen, I’m totally fucked.” 

“You owe me a dollar.” 

“I didn’t make you pay for saying shitting.” 

“You’re not doomed. Why don’t you ask Dr. Gaius for help?” 

“He won’t help me cheat. I already checked.” 

“He might tutor you.” 

Merlin thought about Gaius calling him a stupid boy for a whole hour while Merlin struggled through his homework problems and shuddered. “No, I’m sure the situation isn’t that dire yet.” 

“It probably won’t even matter if you don’t get an A. It’s not like Harvard will say ‘Well we did want you, Mr. Emrys, but you got a B in physics.’” 

“Ha, like Harvard would ever say anything about wanting me.” 

“What are you going to do when every single school you applied to accepts you? Do you have a game plan for that?” 

“No, because it won’t happen.” 

“Wanna bet?” 

“Sure. Regular stakes?” 

Gwen extended her hand. “Same as always.” 

Merlin clasped her fingers. “You’re on.” 

Gwen grinned and shook his hand, then pushed the physics book back across the table. “You should at least pretend you’re studying.” 

“I think I should probably just study.” 

“No, we need to figure out what you’re going to say to Arthur.” 

Merlin groaned and flipped his book open to chapter eleven. 

#

“Mr. Pendragon. Mr. Pendragon. Mr. Pendragon!” 

Arthur jerked into an upright position, blinking rapidly at the very angry geology teacher who was now towering over him. He wiped his hand over his face to clean off the drool, and felt an imprint on his cheek from the edge of his textbook. 

“Thank you for joining us, Mr. Pendragon. Now do you think you could open your book to the proper page?” 

“What’s the proper page?” 

“Two. Eight. Six.” 

Arthur fumbled with the pages until he had the right one. Chapter Twelve: Plate tectonics. Arthur hated geology. He only took it because he needed a science credit and it seemed easier than biology or chemistry. But all they ever talked about was rocks. Rocks didn’t do anything.

“What do you want me to do?” Arthur asked, looking from the page to Mr. Barker and back again. 

“Read it.” 

“You woke me up so I could read this out loud? Why didn’t you just do it? Or better yet, close the book for once. Or don’t you know this stuff without looking?” 

Mr. Barker had a fat face that always turned red when he was angry, and fat lips that would tremble like he was about to cry. Arthur couldn’t help himself. A part of him did want to see if he could make the man cry before graduation. 

“Mr. Pendragon, I have had quite enough of your attitude.” 

“If you don’t like my attitude, don’t wake me up.” 

“My classroom is not a sleep center for reprobates like you.” 

Arthur glanced around at the other reprobates and jocks, half of whom were staring intently at their phones. The other half seemed barely aware that there was even a disruption in the classroom, if their slack faces and half-closed eyes were anything to go by. 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” 

“Mr. Pendragon…” 

“Why do you keep calling me that? Did you forget my first name? It’s Arthur.” 

“Go to the office.” 

“What am I supposed to do there?” 

“I don’t care!” Mr. Barker exploded, his lips absolutely quaking with rage. “Just get out of my classroom. When you can treat me, your classmates, and this class with a bit of respect, you may return.” 

“Sounds like a good deal to me,” Arthur announced, standing and collecting his things. There were a few snickers from behind him. “You know, you shouldn’t let yourself get so angry. It’s not good for your blood pressure.” 

“Out!” 

Arthur was snickering himself by the time he stepped into the silent hallway. One of the vice-principals would probably stick him in the nurse’s office as a short-term in school suspension until the final bell rang. He could stretch out on the cot, close his eyes, and think about Merlin. His favorite, and essentially only pastime, since Saturday night when Merlin dropped him off and Arthur had been literally struck dumb with…with everything. His brain had simply disengaged, shutting down for the night and no doubt leaving Merlin with the impression that Arthur was a giant fucking idiot. With a hair-trigger. 

His book bag hit the crutches with every step, creating a steady thump-thump-thump that echoed off the bare floors and lockers. The kids on clean-up duty ignored him when he passed by, sullenly collecting litter from beneath the lockers and emptying garbage bags, their hair caught up in nets and their hands in latex gloves. The hall monitors had threatened Arthur more than once, but he would sooner go home in the middle of the day and risk the wrath of his father than clean up other people’s garbage. Gretchen, the head monitor, must have sensed that she wouldn’t win the fight with Arthur because she generally left him alone. 

Ms. Meredith looked up from her computer as he banged into the office. “What are you doing here, Pendragon?” 

“Barker said I should come down here. So here I am. Who’ll be seeing me today?” 

“Everybody’s in a meeting. Except…” She pointed down the narrow corridor to the principal’s office. “Dr. Gaius will be more than happy to visit with you.” 

Arthur’s heart sank as he realized his gambit hadn’t paid off. “Really?” 

“Really.” Her hand poised over the phone. “Should I announce you’re presence, or do you want to surprise him?” 

“I’ll surprise him,” Arthur muttered, wishing he could just teleport himself back to geology. He trudged down the hall, dragging his feet, absently brushing his shoulder against the wall. Mondays were never great, but this was turning from bad to worse. Gaius probably wouldn’t even let him go home at 3:30. 

“Merlin, I don’t care how much you want to get out of the test, I can’t help you.” 

Arthur stopped short, but it felt like all his internal organs kept moving another foot before slamming back into their rightful places. 

“I’m not trying to get out of the test, Gaius. I’m just…” 

“Whining?” 

“No,” Merlin said sulkily. Arthur could imagine him slumped in one of Gaius’s uncomfortable chairs, arms crossed, pink mouth pulled into a sad frown. “I’m not whining. I’m freaking out.” 

“Merlin, not everything in this world is going to come easy for you. It’s best that you learn that lesson now while you’re in high school and not later when it really counts.” 

“I don’t think everything in this world should come easy. It’s not like I haven’t been studying. That’s all I did on Sunday.” 

“This isn’t your first physics test, is it? How did you do on those?” 

“Okay, I guess. But this is different. It feels like everything is pressing down all at once.” 

“That’s life.” 

“But it wasn’t this hard before,” Merlin whined. 

“No, I imagine it wasn’t. But things aren’t going to get easier, you know.” 

“Thanks, Gaius. That’s a really great pep talk.” 

“Merlin, what’s really bothering you?” 

Arthur caught his breath. Something was bothering Merlin? Merlin had insecurities and problems like everybody else? Mr. 4.0 was nervous about a test? Arthur was so boggled by the revelation that he didn’t have time to wonder why Merlin went to the principal of all people with his physics problems. 

“Nothing.” 

“Come now, Merlin. You can’t fool me. You can fool everybody else, but I know when something’s bothering you.” 

Arthur could feel his hopes foolishly rising. Could it be possible that maybe Arthur himself was…

“It’s my mom.” 

“The last I heard she was still in full remission.” 

“She is.” 

“Then what’s wrong?” 

“She wants me to go to the east coast for school. She thinks I’m going to get into Harvard, and she’s been helping me with scholarships and stuff to help with the tuition.” 

“And you think you won’t be accepted.” 

“No, I think my chances are good,” Merlin admitted softly. Arthur leaned forward, trying to catch the low syllables. “But I…” 

Arthur’s crutch chose that moment to slide out from under him, and he could do nothing but crash to the ground. He put his hand out in time to stop his face from meeting the floor, but that was about all he managed. Merlin was at his side before Arthur could catch his breath or gather his dignity. 

“Arthur Pendragon! What are you doing lurking outside my door?” 

“Can’t you give him the third degree after you’ve made sure he’s okay?” Merlin took Arthur by the shoulder and gently pushed him onto his side, forcing Arthur to look at him. “Are you okay?” 

“Fine. I think somebody spilled water or something on the floor.” 

“Does your leg hurt?” 

Arthur sighed. Of course his leg hurt, and Arthur was humiliated enough that he wanted to lash out and make somebody else burn with shame. But Merlin’s blue eyes soothed that impulse even as they caused other problems inside of him. 

“I’ll be okay.” 

“Come on.” Gaius took Arthur’s arm with surprisingly strength and helped him to his feet. “Up you go.” 

Merlin was already collecting Arthur’s crutches. He passed them over with a small, shy smile that Arthur couldn’t help but return. 

“Now, what are you doing here? Don’t you belong in Mr. Barker’s geology class right now?” 

“Yeah, I…” Arthur averted his eyes, wishing he didn’t have to confess in front of Merlin. “Might have fallen asleep. But it was only for a few minutes, and he didn’t need to send me down here.” 

“And there’s no chance you got smart with him?” Gaius asked with a knowing expression. 

“A small one.” 

“Yes, why am I not surprised? Merlin, what are you staring at?” 

“Nothing, sir.” 

“Get to class. You’ve been loitering in my office long enough.” 

“But class is almost over.” 

“Yes, and you’ve missed most of it, haven’t you? Get moving.” 

Merlin ducked his head, exposing the long, thin line of his neck. It looked like a perfect fit for Arthur’s mouth. He gave himself a quick shake—Merlin did look appealing but Arthur was beginning to wonder about his apparent desire to eat the other boy. If Merlin knew how much time Arthur thought about how he would taste and the texture of his skin against his teeth, he’d be really creeped out. 

“Fine, fine, I’m going.” 

“Good. I’m tired of looking at you.” 

Merlin grinned cheekily and stole one of the chocolates from Ms. Meredith’s desk. Arthur had been a regular visitor to the school office, and he’d never dared anything that bold. 

“Well, Arthur, what am I going to do with you?” 

Arthur shrugged. “I was just tired.” 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it. Arthur, you can’t spend your entire senior year sitting in the nurse’s office. You know what your father would think of that.” 

“You’re not going to bring him into this, are you?” 

“He’s your father. It’s my job to bring him into it. That’s what they pay me for.” 

“You don’t have to. I’ll be better, I promise.” 

“You’ve been promising me that since you were a freshman.” 

“I know, but…he’s already worried enough about me. This will just upset him, and he’s in the middle of a big takeover right now.” 

“Then you better make sure you don’t give me a reason to call him.” 

“I won’t. You won’t see me again.” 

“Good boy. Now, I heard that you signed up to help with the dance last Friday. That’s good. It’s never too late to start showing some initiative, Arthur.” 

“I’m helping Merlin with the queer prom, too,” Arthur said, eager for something besides a scolding. 

“Really? How did your father react to that?” 

Arthur chewed his bottom lip. “He doesn’t know yet.” 

“Ah. Well, I’m sure it’ll be fine. But…don’t let him discourage you, Arthur. You’re old enough now to start having your own opinions and making your own choices. Understand me?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I think so.” 

“Good. Now go on. The bell is going to ring in ten minutes anyway, and I’ve got a faculty meeting to prepare for.” 

Arthur was careful not to grin until the office door shut behind him. 

#

Merlin had every intention of going to class like Gaius ordered, but he never agreed to go quickly. He stopped outside the office door to eat his candy, took his time to find a bin for the wrapper, picked up another piece of garbage on his way and circled back to dispose of it, got a drink from the fountain, and straightened just in time to see Arthur smile to himself like the cat who caught the canary. 

“What are you grinning about?” 

Arthur jumped a little, but covered his surprise with a smile. “I thought you went back to class.” 

“Nope. I waited for you.” 

“Gaius could have kept me until after school.” 

“I know, but I’m good at lurking around. Not as good as you, though.” 

Arthur cleared his throat. “Yes, well, like I said. There was water on the floor.” 

“Right.” 

“Did you wait around just to bust my chops?” 

“No, that’s just an added bonus,” Merlin said, a laugh in his throat. “I actually wanted to talk to you. Me and Gwen and Lance go free-climbing once a month and…wait you wouldn’t want to do that. You have a cast. Which she knew. Why would she suggest that, unless…” Merlin narrowed his eyes. “She tricked me. Oh that little hussy. I can’t believe she did that.” 

“What are you talking about?” Arthur drawled. 

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Do you want to go out tomorrow night?” Merlin blurted, equal parts surprised and pleased by his own boldness. He usually blurted whatever was foremost on his mind, so it wasn’t quite a huge accomplishment, but it was definitely a step above hiding (or ducking out of sight just to get his thoughts in order as the case may be). 

“Out?” Arthur blinked. “Like on a date?” 

“Ye-es.” 

“You know, Merlin, you never cease to surprise me.” 

“Do you like surprises?” 

“I do now. Do you…I know you probably have like a million things to do this afternoon and probably another dance to plan, but do you want to come over and play some Xbox?” 

Merlin really, really, really, really really hoped that was code for make out on the couch. If he did have anything else to do with his time, he couldn’t remember what it was. The need to kiss Arthur consumed his entire being. Plus, he didn’t know how to play any of the games Arthur liked, so if they weren’t going to kiss, Merlin would probably embarrass himself terribly. 

“No, I don’t have any other plans. That sounds great.” 

“Good. Did you drive?” 

“Not today. Gwen gave me a ride. How do you drive with that cast?” 

“It’s not easy, but my car is an automatic, so I make do. I sort of have to if I want to get to school. It’s not like I can walk the whole way.” 

“You could join the school’s carpooling program. You get cafeteria points if you do.” 

“Cafeteria points? Really? That’s what you’re using to sell me on this?” 

“I’ll bring you coffee on the mornings I drive.” 

“But I’ll be stuck after school those days, won’t I? I mean, aren’t you like, always here?” 

“Yeah, but there’s another way of looking at that.” 

“What?” 

“You’d be stuck here with me.” 

“Good work, Merlin. You found an argument almost as compelling as cafeteria points.” 

Merlin laughed. “I shouldn’t have to incentivize this program, you know. You’re supposed to just want to reduce your carbon footprint and live green and save the earth and all that.” 

“How much difference could that possibly make?” 

“I think we can all make a difference. Especially somebody like you.” 

“Somebody like me?” 

“Yeah.” 

“What does that even mean? What’s so special about somebody like me?” 

“Oh, I don’t know, Arthur. Maybe the fact that you’re a natural leader, you’re gorgeous, you’re smart, you’ve got enough money you could actually do something…” Merlin had more to say, but he lost momentum at the increasingly bewildered look on Arthur’s face. “Is there something wrong?” 

“No, it’s just…do you really think that about me?” 

“Yeah,” Merlin said slowly. Sometimes, he didn’t know what to make of Arthur. It was strange to know somebody so well on one level—Arthur had always been in his life after all—but at the same time not know him at all. Merlin was flummoxed and intrigued and a whole host of other emotions he didn’t understand. 

“How do I sign up for the carpool?” 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want the inconvenience.” 

“No, I want to. I guess I don’t need that whole SUV to myself.” 

Merlin leaned into Arthur’s space, drawn to him like metal shavings to a magnet. Arthur chose that moment to turn slightly, and that’s how their lips nearly met under the flag pole. Merlin wasn’t even sure how or why they stopped walking. 

“Merlin.” 

“Yes?” 

Arthur swallowed. “You never answered my question.” 

“Ms. Meredith has a sign-up sheet on her desk.” 

“I’ll stop by the office in the morning then.” 

“Arthur? That bell is going to ring in five minutes, and unless you want like a thousand witnesses, we’ve got to get moving.” 

“Good idea. Come on.” 

Arthur could actually move pretty fast on his crutches when properly motivated. Merlin had to walk at a brisk pace to keep up, marveling that he was the reason Arthur was in such a big hurry. He wanted to be alone with Merlin so they could…well what couldn’t they do? The rush of hormones shut down all non-essential brain functions until he felt like nothing more than a walking hard-on. He didn’t have the time or energy to be nervous or reasonable or anything else that might make him hesitate. 

They were just pulling out of the parking lot when Arthur broke the increasingly significant silence. “How come you’re so friendly with Gaius?” 

“Because he’s my friend.” 

“You’re friends with the principal? You know how weird that sounds?” 

“He’s a family friend,” Merlin amended. “He and my dad worked together.” 

“Your dad worked at the high school?” 

“No, they worked together in a research laboratory. He is an actual doctor, you know.” 

“I figured he had some bullshit degree in education or something.” 

“No, he has an actual medical degree.” 

“Then why on earth is he a principal of all things? Oh my god, why would anybody choose to stay in high school forever?” 

“I asked him that once. He told me he liked it. That he felt like he was doing some good in the world.” 

“I think being a doctor is doing plenty of good in the world. So since he’s known you since birth, does that mean you get special treatment?” 

Merlin snorted. “I wish. It means when I fuck up, he gets to yell at me extra. He even yelled at me before I ever got to high school.” 

“Yelled at you, Merlin?” 

“It’s like he’s yelling when he’s disappointed in me. He might as well be.” 

Merlin drummed his fingers on his knee, and it wasn’t long before Arthur was doing the same against the steering wheel, matching Merlin’s rhythm. Smiling slightly, Merlin quickened the tempo. Arthur mimicked him. 

“You really could fit a lot of people in here, though. I bet we could most of the track and field team. We’re all pretty skinny.” 

“With their muddy shoes?” Arthur looked a little green at the thought. 

“You play football. I bet you have muddy shoes all the time.” 

“That’s different. And also, I don’t track mud into Excal—“ 

“What? What was that?” 

“Nothing.” 

“No, you were saying something. Was it a name? Did you name your car?” 

“No,” Arthur said tightly. “I did not.” 

“You did.” 

“No. Shut up.” 

“Were you going to say Excalibur? Did you name your car Excalibur?” 

“I really love this truck, okay?” 

“What’s so special about it?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Come on.” He touched Arthur’s arm, fingers lingering. “You can tell me. Then I’ll tell you something about myself if you want.” 

“It’s not a big deal, Merlin. It’s just…a stupid inside joke. My dad picked it out with me on my sixteenth birthday. I thought he was in India, but he came home early so we could go buy this…and well, I told you, it’s stupid.” 

“It doesn’t sound stupid to me,” Merlin said. He knew Arthur wasn’t so indifferent to his father’s absences. Only now that he did know that, he kind of wish he didn’t. He hated Uther Pendragon for it. He’d never formally met the man, but Merlin had a few memories of him going to school functions and even speaking at the junior high once. Merlin also remembered when Arthur’s mom died. They’d been in the second grade, and the teachers thought it best to assemble all of the kids to explain what happened and answer any questions they might have had. They meant questions about death. Merlin had asked who would hug Arthur now his mother was gone. 

#

They were side by side on the couch, cans of Coke sweating on the table in front of them—carefully placed on coasters—and some sitcom on the large HD television. Arthur was sure that Merlin hadn’t come home with him to awkwardly watch TV, but getting started was a tricky thing. It had been easier after the concert because he’d been high from the dancing, his blood pumping richly through his veins. The kiss hadn’t really felt like the beginning of anything, but now he was going into it cold, except for that strange little moment beneath the flagpole. It was just…did Merlin want him to kiss him again? The disaster of his first attempt was still ripe in his memory, and maybe it would be better for Merlin if Arthur didn’t take the lead. 

On the other hand, Arthur wasn’t a fan of wasting time or waiting. He put his hand on Merlin’s thigh before he could lose his nerve, relieved when Merlin didn’t jerk away from him. He took a few deep breaths before slowly moving his hand higher. His fingers crawled up Merlin’s leg like a tentative spider, and Arthur found his breath coming in shorter and shorter intervals. Merlin was breathing harder, too, and when Arthur’s knuckles skimmed across his cock, he whined softly and spread his legs. 

Arthur looked up to meet Merlin’s glassy eyes. His cheeks were slashed with pink, and Arthur noticed the blush had spread to below the collar of his T-shirt. Merlin fisted Arthur’s shirt, pulling him closer and closer until their lips nearly touched. 

“God, Arthur. I’ve never wanted anything like I want to kiss you.” 

Arthur made an entirely undignified sound in response and tilted his head forward. Merlin twined his fingers through Arthur’s hair and pulled forward until their mouths were finally touching. Arthur didn’t part his lips, though he wanted to thrust his tongue into Merlin’s mouth and taste every inch of him. He let Merlin’s mouth massage him, lips pliant and sweet. He had time to inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale again. He was hyper-aware of his own breathing, certain his lungs would seize any moment from the slick, sharp desire, the pure want. 

“Arthur…” Then Merlin’s tongue was tracing his lip, gliding over him like hot silk. Arthur moaned and opened to the caress, inviting him to go further, to probe deeper, afraid if he moved he wouldn’t be happy until he’d consumed all of Merlin. His tongue slid against Arthur’s, pushing deeper, sweeping through Arthur’s mouth with surprising ease. Arthur might have remained as the grateful, passive recipient of Merlin’s attention, but then Merlin’s light fingers settled over Arthur’s growing erection. 

The pressure startled Arthur into shifting forward, immediately greedy for more. Merlin made a sound of approval, and Arthur’s tongue wrapped around his. Merlin sank back against the couch, pulling Arthur with him until he pinned Merlin to the cushions, their bodies rocking together, their mouths growing in urgency until they lost the shape of the kisses and devolved to attacking each other’s lips and chins and cheeks. 

Merlin tilted his head back and pressed Arthur’s mouth to the column of his throat, jerking his hips every time Arthur sank his teeth into the smooth skin. He kissed away the sting, laved the marks with his tongue, sucked until a bruised form and then licked that until Merlin’s entire frame was shaking. Arthur saw the purple marks forming but waited for Merlin to stop him because he couldn’t stop himself. Every pale stretch of skin was pure, salty temptation. There was more under that, though. The nutmeg taste and the spicy cinnamon taste and the rapid flow of Merlin’s blood just below the surface, his pulse throbbing erratically. 

Arthur needed more. Merlin’s neck wasn’t enough. He clumsily fisted Merlin’s shirt and dragged it up his ribs, Merlin’s whipcord muscles twitching every time Arthur’s knuckles brushed against him. Merlin lifted himself as much as he could, given that he was imprisoned between the couch and Arthur’s demanding mouth, and helped Arthur push the shirt up and over his head. Merlin always looked so skinny when Arthur watched him lope from class to class, but he wasn’t skin and bones. His body was hard, unyielding, carved by years of hard work and still perfect in his youth. 

Arthur wanted to never stop touching him. He closed his lips around one of Merlin’s nipples, afraid of what stupid things lurked, just waiting to spill out of his mouth. Arthur’s other hand still rested on Merlin’s cock, and he pressed the heel of his hand into the hard flesh, massaging his length through the soft denim. 

“Arthur, I need to feel you. Please.” 

He moved to unzip Merlin’s pants, but his fingers were trembling. He tried again, growling with frustration when he couldn’t catch the zipper between his thumb and finger. He felt Merlin’s smile, then long fingers wrapped around his wrist and pulled his hand away from the effort. Merlin brought it up to his mouth, sucking two fingers into his mouth and tonguing them enthusiastically while his free hand moved to his fly. Merlin made short work of the fastening, then guided Arthur’s now slick fingers back to his waiting cock. 

At the first touch of Merlin’s hot, satin skin, an answering thrill went directly to Arthur’s groin and his balls clenched ominously. He shuddered and tried to force the pleasure back, determined that he was not going to blow his load in his pants again. He had Merlin there, writhing beautifully beneath him, twisting his body and rising to meet Arthur’s hand and mouth. He wasn’t going to do anything to fuck that up. With that thought in mind, some of the pressure in his lower abdomen eased, and he was able to stroke Merlin’s cock without fear that his own would explode in response. 

Their mouths found each other again, and Arthur was surprised to realize that Merlin’s constant moans somehow made the kisses sweeter. He wanted to melt right into Merlin’s body, wanted to sink lower and lower until nothing could separate them. No matter how he deepened the kiss or stroked Merlin’s shaft, it didn’t relieve the incessant need to be inside of Merlin. 

Merlin tore his mouth away and arched beneath Arthur. “Need…need more. Fuck, Arthur. I need more.” 

So did Arthur, but he couldn’t even begin to sort out what more meant. He’d never imagined anything as simple as holding Merlin to the couch and jacking him off, but none of his fantasies had been this perfect. He’d never even considered how vocal Merlin would be, what his arousal would smell like, how his pre-come would be hot and slick and coating Arthur’s fingers until he couldn’t even grip Merlin properly. 

Merlin answered Arthur’s unspoken question by smoothing his hand down Arthur’s chest, gathering the shirt in his fingers, and yanking it up. He couldn’t get it completely off without Arthur’s help, and Arthur wasn’t about to stop what he was doing, so Merlin had to settle for rolling it up to his shoulders and then arching again, letting his chest and stomach move against Arthur’s. The shock of skin touching skin took Arthur’s breath, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep himself under control for much longer. 

“Oh, fuck, Arthur. Keep doing that. That. Please.” 

Arthur nodded, his lips brushing over Merlin’s damp skin. The tip of his tongue slid over the line of his jaw, gathering tiny drops of sweat, further overwhelming Arthur’s senses. 

“Merlin. Merlin. Touch me.” 

Merlin didn’t fuck around with Arthur’s zipper, just pushed his long fingers down the front and twisting his wrist to get his fingers wrapped around Arthur’s throbbing length. 

“Oh…oh you’re so hot…oh shit Arthur…I’m so close…fuck I’m going to make a mess. I’m going to make a—ah.” 

Merlin tensed beneath him, his fingers automatically flexing around Arthur’s cock, squeezing almost to the point of pain. Arthur moved his hand faster, aiming Merlin’s cock so the cum would paint his chest. The first splash reached Merlin’s chin, and the long strings after that settled in thick ropes on his chest. Arthur stared at the glistening skin, mouth parted and slick with hunger. He bent his head before he could lose his nerve, the tip of his tongue catching one of the strings from Merlin’s skin and pulling it in his mouth. The texture was strange, but the taste was pure Merlin and Arthur wanted more. 

He also couldn’t keep his excitement at bay for another second. Merlin wasn’t even stroking him. Just squeezing him with too-tight, too-hot clammy fingers. His hips stuttered and then the pleasure broke over him and he had to kiss Merlin again to keep from moaning his name. 

“Well, at least we got to touching this time,” Merlin said, mouth moving against him. 

“Took the edge off.” 

“Maybe next time we’ll manage to get our clothes off.” 

“You’re already half way there. And I need to clean you up.” 

“You do?” 

Arthur nodded and moved down Merlin’s body, taking a deep breath before dragging the flat of his tongue over the ridges of his stomach. Once again the texture startled him, almost enough to make him abandon the idea, but the bitter, salty taste of it only made his mouth water for more. Her persisted until he was accustomed to how it felt, focusing on the flavor and the way it mingled with Merlin’s sweat and the way Merlin’s breath hitched like he couldn’t quite get enough air to speak. Merlin’s hand was still down Arthur’s pants, fingers massaging his half-hard flesh until it began to swell again. 

“Can we get rid of your clothes now, please?” Merlin said, pulling his hand free of Arthur’s pants, much to his disappointment. 

It took great willpower for Arthur to separate himself from Merlin and stand. He shucked his clothes quickly, not a bit self-conscious about the fact that Merlin was staring at him with wide-eyed hunger. That look of hungry grew more wolfish when his attention settled on Arthur’s cock. Once he was naked, he hooked his fingers around Merlin’s pants and yanked them to his ankles. Merlin kicked them off with his shoes, and that was it. They were both naked and hard again and Arthur quickly lowered himself to the couch again, pressing into Merlin to soothe his desperate skin. 

“Tell me what to do,” Arthur said breathlessly. “Tell me what you want. Anything, Merlin, name it.” 

Merlin’s answer was quick and sure. “Your mouth. I need more of your mouth. I want to feel it everywhere.” He caught Arthur’s bottom lip and bit gently. The shock of pain was enough to distract him from his returning arousal, but only for a few moments. Then it was just another sensation to add to the cacophony under his skin. 

“I can do that. I’ve been dying to do that, Merlin. You have no idea.” 

“Nobody’s going to walk in and catch us, right?” 

“Right.” 

“What about your servants.” 

“Luann, the maid, is the only person here right now and trust me, she’s not going to walk in.” 

Merlin pushed lightly on his shoulder and settled himself more comfortably against the cushion. “Good.” 

There were still thin lines of cum on Merlin’s stomach, and Arthur was sure to tongue each glistening strand before moving lower to nuzzle his nose in the curly hair. Merlin’s scent was overpowering that close, deliciously musky without being sharp or bitter. Arthur closed his eyes and absorbed the smell, so unlike anything Arthur had ever experienced. He didn’t move until Merlin tugged at his hair with low, impatient grunt, then he was distracted by the corded muscle in Merlin’s thigh. He mouthed along the flexed ridge, biting into the tender, waiting flesh. Merlin yelped and wrapped his legs around Arthur’s shoulders—Arthur found it was a position he rather liked. 

Arthur had seen thousands of cocks since he was eleven and had the brilliant idea of searching for words like “penis” and “dick”. Big ones, thin ones, short ones, crooked ones, curved ones, thick ones, and every other variation and possible color. Arthur had very specific preferences for his movies, but all of his preferences and opinions fled his mind when he got within an inch of Merlin’s long, thin cock. It was flawless white, except for the smudges of pink across the crown and where Arthur had been holding him, like he’d branded Merlin with his fingers. His balls were compact, fitting nicely in Arthur’s palm. Arthur wanted to feel that silky skin in his mouth, and he pressed Merlin’s cock to his stomach, his nose rubbing against as he pulled Merlin’s sac between his lips. 

Arthur experimented with his tongue and lips, carefully to keep his teeth from snagging on the loose folds. He hollowed his cheeks and was rewarded with Merlin keening, his heels digging into Arthur’s shoulders, bony and insistent. Arthur pulled his mouth away with a soft pop, too tantalized by other options to remain still for long. He left a trail of tender kisses along the bottom of Merlin’s shaft, finishing with a long, lingering caress at the tip. He looked up with his lips still sealed to the tip, holding Merlin’s gaze as he pressed a final kiss to the damp skin. 

“Arthur…I swear…you’re so…I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.” 

Arthur blinked, surprised by the sincere emotion behind the declaration. He was even more surprised by his desire to echo it back to Merlin. He wanted Merlin to know exactly what Arthur thought of him, including how much Arthur simply wanted to gaze at him and make note of every single detail. He couldn’t think of a way to share that without sounding like an idiot, so he decided to show Merlin instead. 

Arthur didn’t feel a twinge of uncertainty or hesitation before wrapping his mouth around Merlin’s cock. Just because he’d never done anything like this before didn’t mean Arthur had no idea of what he wanted. He made it halfway down Merlin’s cock before he was forced to slide up again, the tip just reaching his throat and his gag reflex. Arthur pulled back till only the slit touching his lips, puffy skin pressed against his clenched teeth. He waited for a long beat, then relaxed his jaw, opening his mouth as wide as he could before engulfing Merlin’s cock. 

#

Merlin was already an hour late for dinner when he finally had the strength to untangle himself from Arthur and crawl off the couch. Arthur watched him quietly while Merlin rooted around, searching for his clothes, his cock flaccid and raw against his thigh. He’d never come so many times in his life, not even on those sticky summer nights when he had nothing better to do than lay in bed and jerk off until he was utterly spent and his sheets were soaked through with sweat. He felt fucking fantastic. Running always gave him a great high, but it couldn’t even touch the peaks Arthur brought him to. 

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Arthur asked while Merlin balanced on one foot and tried to pull on his pants. 

“Yeah. I have study hall third period.” 

“Perfect. I have math.” 

“You shouldn’t skip out on your math class.” 

“What difference does it make? I’m just going o be thinking about you anyway.” 

Merlin blushed with pleasure at that. “You think you can meet me out behind the library?” 

“No problem.” 

“We shouldn’t meet at school, you know. Do you want to get caught and dragged to Gaius?” 

Arthur frowned. “I can’t think of anything I’d like less.” 

“Exactly.” 

“But that just means we’ll have to be careful.” 

“How am I going to be careful? I can’t even think when I’m close to you.” 

“I’ll make sure we don’t get caught. Trust me, please, Merlin. I don’t think I can wait until tomorrow after school to see you again.” 

“You sound like we’ll be waiting for a decade or something.” 

“Do you not want to meet me behind the library?” 

Merlin sighed. “Of course I do. I don’t even want to leave you now and I’m starting to chafe.” 

Arthur smirked with far too much self-satisfaction. “Then it’s settled. Are you sure you don’t want me to give you a ride home?” 

“No, I want to walk.” 

“How do you even have the energy to walk after all that?” 

Merlin grinned. “I’m always amped after a meet, too.” 

“Wait. Put your number in my phone.” Arthur pulled it out of his discarded jeans and tossed it Merlin’s direction. Merlin caught it and quickly programmed in his number, then memorized Arthur’s. 

His phone chimed with his first text from Arthur before he reached the front door. 

#

My dick’s hard. Cant stop thinking about u. 

Its only 1st period we cant meet until 11

I know where r u right now? 

AP gov. so boring. Cant concentrate. 

I vant to suck your cock. 

Vant? U a vampire now? 

*want. Meet me behind the annex. 

No. we have to be careful Arthur. 

Please. U can come in my mouth like the 2nd time last night. 

11\. Behind the library. Like we planned. 

Going to die. 

Gwen leaned over. “Who are you texting?” 

“Nobody,” Merlin muttered,clearing all the messages in case his phone got confiscated. Mrs. Fitzgerald would take it if she thought he wasn't paying attention to her lecture about the Federalist Papers. The Friday before, he’d been fascinated by the pamphlets, eager to learn all about James Madison’s theories on how to properly run a government. But now his cock require too much of his attention. He didn’t have anything left over for history. 

“I saw you. And since I know it’s not me…” 

“Gwen, nobody. Shh. Drop it.” 

Gwen’s mouth shifted into a wry frown, and then she was scribbling something on her notebook. She subtly slid it Merlin’s direction so he could read the words: Who are you texting? And where were you last night? Did you talk to Arthur? You need to tell me all about it during study hall. 

Merlin shifted in his hard chair, wishing he could swap out the unforgiving plastic for something cushioned with a bit of give to it. He never realized how difficult it was to sit in those things. Merlin’s phone vibrated against his thigh, and even though he knew he shouldn’t fish it out again, shouldn’t risk it, shouldn’t give Gwen more reason to be suspicious, curiosity got the best of him and he pulled it out. 

want to crawl under your desk right now and suck you off until you jizz all over my face. 

Merlin rested his head on his desk and stared at his feet, silently gasping for breath as the image wormed its way inside his mind and planted itself at the very front. He was wearing a long T-shirt. Could he get away with unzipping his jeans? Just a little bit? Just enough to relieve the pressure so he didn’t die before he met Arthur at eleven? He snuck a glance at the clock and almost whimpered—it wasn’t even nine yet. 

He quickly scrawled out to Gwen. Just studying last night for the test. I did talk to Arthur. We’re going out tonight somewhere but not free climbing—did you forget about his CAST? Can’t talk during study hall. 

Gwen eagerly took the notebook back from him, a slight frown forming as she scanned his response. 

It’s good you’re going out and that you talked to him. We could do a double-date tonight if you want. What are you doing during study? 

Arthur, clearly not dissuaded by Merlin’s lack of response, sent him another text. 

Or I could lay on my back and u could fuck my mouth. 

Two minutes later: 

Y didn’t we try to 69? We should do that tonite. 

Merlin’s fingers were slick with sweat, and they suddenly felt three times too big. Yes, we should. But you’ve got to stop. You’re distracting me.

Meet me behind the annex & ill show u distracting. 

No. No more texts. 

Meet me in the bathroom. 

Merlin concentrated on holding his pen, though his handwriting was getting worse by the second. The tremor in his fingers didn’t help, but he felt like he was brimming with excitement and every word from Arthur made it worse. Maybe he could meet Arthur in the bathroom? It would be quick. Nothing fancy. He just needed to take the edge off to get through the rest of his morning. How could he concentrate on learning French if he just wanted to shove his tongue down Arthur’s throat—which was not the sort of French his teacher had in mind. They could meet in the bathroom now and then they’d only have to last two hours until their planned rendezvous. 

We can double later this week. Arthur already made plans. I have an important meeting during study. I’ll see you at lunch. 

Gwen read, frowned again, and wrote back what about studying for your test? 

“I’ll be fine,” Merlin mouthed before fishing his phone out again and bending to shield the sight of it from Mrs. Fitzgerald. 

bathroom by the cafeteria. 5 mins. Okay? 

Arthur’s response was almost instantaneous. Oh my way. 

Now Merlin had no choice. He cleared the messages again, tucked his phone away, and casually stood. It was no different from the dozens of times he’d legitimately needed to use the hall pass to go to the restroom, but he was quite certain Mrs. Fitzgerald would see right through him and stop her lecture to demand to know just what Merlin thought he was doing. But when he glanced her way, she was writing big loopy letters on the blackboard, and didn’t seem to be paying him the slightest attention. He scribbled his name on the sign-out sheet, grabbed the wooden paddle that doubled as a hall pass, and slipped out of the room. 

He walked at a brisk pace, almost a jog, looking around each corner suspiciously. Nobody else was in the hall though, and Merlin reached the bathroom without getting accosted. He specifically chose that bathroom because it was the only one with stalls on the doors. Probably the stalls had been removed from the other bathrooms precisely for this reason—which meant Merlin better take advantage of the situation while he could. 

“Arthur?” 

A strong hand grabbed him by the shoulder and yanked him into the handicapped stall. “I knew you couldn’t refuse me.” 

“Arthur, please…” 

“Please?” Arthur tugged at Merlin’s pants, getting them open with much more ease than the day before. Merlin shivered and wrapped his arm around Arthur, leaning into him for support as his legs began to tremble. Arthur fisted his cock, thumb wiping over the tip before he stroked him. “Fuck Merlin.” 

“You can’t send me texts like that all day.” 

“Why not? Don’t you like it?” 

“That’s not the point. You can’t just…oh…” 

“Oh,” Arthur echoed, backing up and perching on the edge of the toilet, his leg stretched out in front of him. “Oh, indeed.” 

Merlin bit down on his tongue to keep from shouting as Arthur swallowed his cock. Arthur still didn’t quite have the hang of kissing but he was already an enthusiastic and talented cocksucker. He didn’t hesitate to take Merlin clear to the back of his throat, already adept at ignoring his gag reflex, and he practically vibrated with satisfaction. Merlin buried both hands in Arthur’s hair, clutching his head to hold him in place for as long as possible. Arthur’s hands found Merlin’s ass, and he gripped like he didn’t plan to ever release him. 

Arthur moved first, pulling Merlin away from him to expose inch after inch of Merlin’s wet length to the air. Merlin stared at Arthur’s lips, so sweetly pink and tight around his shaft. When Merlin’s tip was just at his lips, he yanked him forward again, groaning as Merlin hit his throat. Merlin couldn’t help his strangled protest as Arthur tried to take it slow again—they didn’t have time for that. Mrs. Fitzgerald would get suspicious if he was gone for twenty minutes. 

“Please, Arthur,” Merlin murmured between closed lips. “Please. Just…” He yanked forward on Arthur’s hair to clarify and Arthur’s teeth hit just at the base of his cock. They both froze, trying to swallow echoing groans. Merlin had never yanked at Arthur like that, too grateful and awed to be forceful about it. Also, there had been no need, not with Arthur’s insatiable curiosity and want. 

When Arthur didn’t move for a handful of seconds, Merlin tentatively tugged on Arthur’s hair, guiding him back. Arthur followed willingly. Merlin shifted direction again and Arthur went, his tongue leaving a hot trail along the bottom of his shaft. Merlin yelped at the revelation of being in control, the sound far too loud, echoing off the bathroom tiles. Arthur slammed his hand over Merlin’s mouth and looked up through his lashes in what was probably a glare—Merlin couldn’t quite tell with his head swimming as it was. 

Lust coupled with the constant awareness of the passing time pushed Merlin into action, fueling the rapid snap of his hips. He drove his cock into Arthur’s mouth again and again, not taking the time to truly savor the curves of his cheeks or the change of texture along the roof. He just wanted heat and suction, wanted that perfect friction of wet lips and a soft, curious tongue. He licked at Arthur’s palm and then bit into the skin, the cries building and building in his chest until all he wanted to do was shout enough for the whole fucking school to hear. 

Merlin didn’t have the chance to warn Arthur, who only groaned slightly as the cum splashed on the back of Arthur’s tongue. Merlin’s cock jerked again and again, pulsing like it had been weeks since Merlin got off. Arthur happily swallowed it all and even tried to milk more from him before releasing Merlin’s softening length. 

“Oh shit,” Merlin sighed. 

“Is there anybody in here?” Gretchen’s voice booming from the doorway. 

Both boys froze, eyes wide and locked together. Finally Arthur mouthed answer her. 

“It’s just me, Merlin,” Merlin called back, quickly zipping his pants. 

“You have a hall pass, Merlin?” 

Merlin gestured at Arthur’s cock apologetically. Arthur shook his head and shoved him at the stall door. Merlin double checked to make sure there were no visible signs that Arthur tried to suck his brains out, then pushed the door open enough to escape. Arthur caught it nearly caught Merlin with the edge he closed it so fast. 

“Yes ma’am, I do have a hall pass.” 

Gretchen eyed him with a little too much suspicion for Merlin’s liking, but allowed him to pass. He hurried away, risking a quick glance over his shoulder to confirm that she’d moved on to check for delinquents in the parking lot. Hopefully she would find one so Arthur didn’t risk crossing paths with her again. 

He was settled in his chair again and staring blindly at his empty page of notes when his phone buzzed. 

Made it back to class.

Sorry had to leave u like that.

No prob. I took care of it. 

Had no choice. There was still cum on my fingers. Licked them clean. 

Merlin felt warmth pooling in his stomach. 9:15. Somehow, eleven seemed further away now than it had at nine. 

Arthur was a good thirty minutes early, and he knew Merlin wouldn’t sneak out of his second period just because Arthur wanted him to, so he paced as effectively as he could with his crutches behind the library, hungry and restless. He could still taste Merlin’s come, could still smell the distinct musk of Merlin’s arousal on his fingers, but far from calming him, the memory of their surprise meeting in the bathroom just stoked the flames. He brushed his fingers under his nose every few minutes, and his cock twitched every single damned time. He was already making plans to keep Merlin with him, knowing they could stay there throughout third period, and if Merlin had first lunch, Arthur would skip his fourth period, too. 

Asking Merlin to skip his fourth period to stay with Arthur through his lunch would probably be too much, though. He didn’t want to look like some sex obsessed freak. He wasn’t. He was a Merlin obsessed freak, though he honestly couldn’t imagine spending time with Merlin at this point and keeping his hands to himself. 

He stopped and leaned against the wall, fumbling with his phone, considering yet another text. His bill was going to be astronomical. It felt like he had something he needed to tell Merlin every other minute. He didn’t. He actually had nothing at all to say that Merlin needed to hear, but that didn’t stop him. When he was carefully pecking out the words, it made him feel more connected to Merlin. His existence had become an exercise in connecting to Merlin. 

The final ten minutes dragged by so slowly, Arthur wondered if his phone had malfunctioned and suddenly couldn’t keep time. When the five minute bell rang, Arthur’s heart rate soared. Soon Merlin would be there and they’d be kissing and touching and the horrible itching under his skin would be temporarily soothed. That’s what Merlin was like. Ants marching under his skin, or bees swarming over him. 

At eleven, Arthur put his phone away and set his crutches against the wall. He wanted both hands free when Merlin arrived, even if that did mean he was trapped against the bricks, waiting instead of dragging Merlin to him. 

Merlin rounded the corner two minutes later, out of breath and smiling, bag slung over his shoulder. He dropped it to the ground and reached for Arthur, gripping the back of his neck and yanking him into a rough kiss. Arthur moaned and rested his hand on Merlin’s hip, tongue pushing into Merlin’s mouth without hesitation. The kiss started even but quickly grew sloppy, Arthur’s tongue enthusiastically clumsy. Finally, he moved beyond the bounds of Merlin’s mouth and attacked his neck, feeling like he was finally in the place where he belonged, where he wanted to be. 

Merlin rained kisses on his temple and brow, pausing every few moments to take a deep breath, his nose buried in Arthur’s hair. 

“I thought eleven would never get here,” Merlin said, swiveling his hips. Arthur gasped, holding Merlin closer to try to compensate for the ludicrous number of barriers between them. “I’ve been taking French for four years, and I’ve forgotten all of it.” 

Arthur wanted to say I know what you mean but he couldn’t do more than moan before he bit at one of the thick tendons straining beneath the skin. He’d never felt anything as smooth as Merlin’s skin. Were boys supposed to be that soft? Were they supposed to smell that good? 

“Arthur…Arthur…stop for a sec…” 

Arthur lifted his head and blinked dazedly. “What?” 

“I’m going to look like somebody attacked me.” 

Arthur licked his lips. “Where a scarf.” 

“I can’t wear a scarf. Do you know how dumb that’d look?” 

“It could be a fashion statement. Oh, or maybe a bandana.” He bent his head and slid his tongue over the shell of Merlin’s ear. “A bright red one.” 

“Arthur…” 

“Turtle necks are coming back, aren’t they?” 

“It’s been in the seventies every day this week.” 

“Yeah, and I wouldn’t want to deprive myself of the view of your neck. Your skinny, lovely…” Arthur zeroed in on the skin beneath Merlin’s ear. “Delicious neck.” 

Arthur's hand moved of its own accord, sliding from Merlin’s hip to push under his shirt and spread his palm over the small of Merlin’s back. Their bodies rocked together in a steady, unconscious rhythm, one that would have been perfect if Merlin had his mouth wrapped around Arthur’s cock. 

Merlin’s mouth found his again, and he took control of the caress, kissing Arthur unhurriedly, like he wanted to make it last all day. Arthur relaxed in increments until the desperation that had swelled at the sight of Merlin ebbed and he could almost breathe normally again. 

“Take it easy. We’ve got a full ninety minutes.” 

Arthur nodded, a part of him scoffing at the thought of ninety minutes being enough time. 

“Do you have lunch next?” Arthur asked between kisses. 

“Yeah.” 

“Then we’ve got two hours.” 

“Do you have first lunch?” 

“No.” 

“Arthur, you can’t miss so much class.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“Don’t you get in trouble when the school calls to get an excusal?” 

“I think my dad has his secretary or something excuse my absences. I’m sure Uther means to talk to me about it, but he hasn’t gotten around to it in the past four years. I don’t think he’ll start now, do you?” 

“No. No, probably not. But…we can’t stay standing back here for the full two hours. Your leg…” 

“When there’s a problem with my leg, I’ll let you know.” 

There were no more protests after that. Merlin surrendered himself to Arthur, melting against him and letting Arthur plunder his mouth again. There were no blowjobs this time—as willing as Arthur was to drop to his knees right there—but there were long, breathless kisses and slow, teasing hand jobs. Arthur bucked against Merlin’s hand, squirming and twisting and pulsing fresh pre-come into Merlin’s palm. Merlin brought him to the brink, held him there, then let him deflate, only to begin the process again. It was exquisite torture. 

“You know what I can’t stop thinking about?” 

“Sucking my cock?”

Arthur grinned. “Good guess.” 

“It’s not a guess. You’ve been telling me about it all morning.” 

“Which idea was your favorite?” 

“Sixty-nine,” Merlin answered quickly. “Can we do that?” 

“Oh yeah, we can do that. We can do that all night if you want. You can lay on top of me so your cock slides right down my throat. If you come home with me, we could be doing that in twenty minutes.” 

“No…no Arthur. Don’t ask me to do that. Please.” 

“You’re right, you’re right. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s just…it’s just I really want to. And I can’t. It’s harder to remember that when you ask me and I don’t want to constantly be telling you no…” 

“I know, it’s all right. I shouldn’t have said that.” Arthur flexed his fingers and twisted his wrist. “Don’t worry about it.” 

Merlin buried his face in Arthur’s neck, rolling his hips to match Arthur’s quicker tempo. Arthur waited until Merlin’s breath quickened before he spoke again. “I wish we had a class together. I’d never stop touching you.” 

“Would you really do that where anybody could see?” 

“Sure.” 

“So you could be…you wouldn’t mind if…you’d be my boyfriend?” 

“Are you asking me?” 

“I’m asking if I could ask, I guess.” 

Merlin’s fingers were long and sticky, his breath hot and dry, and he fit everywhere so nicely. Arthur would be Merlin’s boyfriend if he wanted. If Merlin wanted to be out and proud to the whole school, what difference did it make to Arthur? He didn't really care what anybody thought of him.

“I’ll be anything you want.” 

“Damn, this is happening fast.” 

Arthur laughed. “You asked me.” 

“I know, I know, it’s just…this time last week I was happy just to get a look at you and now you’re…we’re…” 

“You liked me last week?” 

“Course I did.” 

Arthur lifted his head and his hand stilled. “Really?” 

“Yes, Arthur. Why are you stopping?” Merlin thrust forward. “Arthur, please, I was so close.” 

Arthur obeyed, moving faster as Merlin moaned, the thick vein pulsing under Arthur’s thumb just before Merlin shot his load. Arthur carefully cupped his palm to catch every drop, bringing his hand to his mouth as soon as Merlin stopped trembling. The first taste was, as always, hesitant, but it sent a familiar thrill down Arthur’s spine, and he licked greedily at his palm as the pleasure washed over him. 

#

The rest of the week passed in a blur for Merlin. He was either dreaming of Arthur, thinking of Arthur, or with Arthur. His notebook pages were empty except for half-hearted scribbled notes of what Merlin considered to be the really important ideas. The salient points of the lecture and homework assignments. Not that he did any homework assignments. He didn’t have the time. He did have a three-page composition due in French, an article summary for Government, and they were going to be discussing Macbeth in English which meant he had an implied date with Gwen to go to the library and watch the BBC’s production of the play. Gwen had not been pleased when Merlin told her he couldn’t make it, but what was he supposed to do? He felt nervous and on edge when he wasn’t with Arthur. 

Then. Then there was the weekend. He did make it to the animal shelter, and he did spend three hours walking the dogs, but he went to Arthur’s right after that. For the first time in his high school career, he didn’t finish his homework, and he broke curfew, and then he lied to his mother and snuck out the next morning because Arthur was waiting for him. It was safe to say that he forgot all about Physics, and it never occurred to him that Mr. Anhora would have the tests graded by Monday. Merlin slipped in late and took a place in the back, trying to keep his chin tucked to his chest so nobody would see the evidence of his hour and a half necking session with Arthur. 

Anhora slapped the test down on his desk without saying a word. 

Merlin didn’t even recognize the shape at the top of the page at first. Anhora was saying something about his disappointment in the class in general, and for the first time Anhora had reason to be disappointed in him. Merlin was going to puke. He was sure of it. The clammy hands, tunnels vision, and roaring in his ear couldn’t mean anything else. He swallowed convulsively, trying to reassure himself that it would be fine, that he would just need to talk to Mr. Anhora and it would all be fine. 

Merlin managed to remain seated until the bell rang, then he was out of his chair like a shot, rushing to the front of the room so nobody could beat him to Anhora’s desk. The old man didn’t seem the least surprised to see him. 

“What can I do for you, Emrys?” 

“This test. I got an F.” 

“Yes, it was rather disappointing.” 

“I…look I had a really hectic weekend. Helping my mom. I couldn’t study and…” 

Anhora looked pointedly at his neck. “Yes, I see you must have been quite busy.” 

Merlin’s hand flew to his throat and he swallowed. “Could I retake the test? I know I could do better than this.” 

“You know my retesting policy.” 

Merlin shook his head. “No, no I don’t. You have a retesting policy? So that means I can retake it?” 

Anhora’s sigh was long-suffering and did a good job of making Merlin feel about three feet tall. “You have one week. You must schedule a time with me after class or during my prep hour, and you can’t score higher than B.” 

Merlin never scored higher than B, so that seemed fair. “Great, great. I’ll schedule a time right now. Friday at three thirty.” He probably could have used the extra time over the weekend to study, but it was bad enough that he’d have to avoid Arthur all week. He didn’t want to be carrying this burden with him over the weekend, too. 

“Fine, Emrys. I suggest you review everything. You made errors one every level. I eally did expect more from you.”

“I will. I promise. I’ll review the whole book. I won’t let you down again.”

Merlin left the classroom in a daze, moving like a zombie through the hall to his next class. At least it was just the student government class. He’d go through the motions to start the meeting, take the roll, remind everybody of their tasks for the day, and then he’d hide in the back corner and quietly die. 

“Hey stranger.” 

The guilt twisting inside of Merlin grew teeth. She was going to want to know why Merlin blew her off every single day for the past week, and he thought she might understand what he was going through, but he didn’t want to admit that it was all Arthur. Everything was about Arthur. 

“Hi.” 

“You look like somebody ran over your dog.” 

Merlin pulled the shameful test out of his book and shoved it under her face. 

“An F? How did you get an F? How did you fail? I know you were having problems before, Merlin, but I didn’t think you’d fail. Is he going to let you retake it?” 

“Yes, on Friday afternoon.” 

“Well, that’s good.” 

“It doesn’t feel very good right now.” 

“I know, but it’s not the end of the world. I’ll help you study this week, okay? Lance will too.” 

“That’s incentive for you, Gwen. Not for me.” 

“Haha. Speaking of, we missed you on Thursday night.” 

Merlin didn’t even know what she was talking about. “Yeah, sorry. I was...Busy.” 

“Yeah, I know what you were busy with.” 

Merlin had the grace to blush. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” 

“I know. You don’t think I know what it’s like? But I think you need to join the real world again this week.” 

“I agree. I’m definitely returning to the real world this week. This F was just the wake-up I needed.” 

“Well, I’m sorry it needed to come to that, but at least you’re awake now.” 

“I am, I…” Merlin stopped as he caught a glimpse of golden hair from the corner of his eye. He looked around quickly, a smile lighting his face as Arthur waved at him. He forgot that he was in the middle of a conversation with Gwen about waking up, drifting over to Arthur without saying a word of farewell. 

“I was just looking for you,” Arthur greeted. 

“I had a feeling. How was your lunch?” 

“I spent it thinking about you. How was class?” 

“It…” Merlin’s face fell as he remembered the test. “It was terrible.” 

Arthur took Merlin’s shoulder, guiding him away from the rest of the crowd. Several students waved or smiled at Merlin as they passed, but Arthur blinded him to their friendly efforts. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“My physics test.” 

“What? Did you get a B instead of an A?” 

“I got an F.” 

Arthur gaped. “What? Really? Has that ever happened before?” 

“Not since junior high.” 

“So how much is it going to bring down your grade?” 

“It won’t be too bad. I’m retaking it on Friday.” 

“Oh. Then why are you upset?” 

“Why am I upset? I failed Arthur. I…I didn’t get anything right. Did you see all the red marks on this page? It’s like he slit his wrist and bled all over it.” 

Arthur shrugged. “You had a bad day. It happens.” 

“Arthur, I took this test last Tuesday. While you were sending me dirty texts. I didn’t have a bad day, I was distracted.” 

“So it’s my fault you failed?” 

“You definitely didn’t help. I told you I needed to concentrate that afternoon and all you could do is think about your dick.” 

Arthur pulled back. “Right. Like I was the only one thinking about my dick. Besides, you were worried about that test before I even showed up.” 

“I should have been studying that day. Not running off to screw around with you.” 

“I see. Well, I’m sorry I wasted so much of your time. It won’t happen again.” 

“That’s not what I meant, Arthur.” Merlin stepped to the side, blocking Arthur’s escape route. “I’m just really frustrated and disappointed. And I hate that fucking class so much. And now I know another fucking dollar to Gwen. Two dollars.” 

“What?” 

“For the swearing jar. It’s not a very nice habit.” 

“I like it.” 

“You’ve got a dirty mouth.” 

“Why don’t you just drop the class? You don’t need it to graduate, do you?” 

“That’s not really a solution to my problem. We’re already a month into the semester. They won’t let me transfer.” 

“Gaius will let you transfer. If you don’t need the credits, why are you doing this to yourself?” 

“I’ve got to go. I’m going to be late.” 

“Are we going to meet at the flag pole?” 

“Not today. I’m going to the library afterschool and staying there until they kick me out.” 

“You can study at my place.” 

“No, I can’t. You’d never let me get anything done.” Merlin squeezed Arthur’s forearm and wanted to move in for a kiss, but he wasn’t quite comfortable with that level of openness. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

That was more for his own benefit than Arthur’s. A reminder that Arthur was not the top priority in his life. Arthur’s face flickered with something Merlin didn’t recognize, and then settled back into the handsome mask Merlin was accustomed to.

Im sorry. R U studying? 

Merlin would have felt annoyed by the text, except it was already after six and that was the first he’d heard from Arthur all evening. To be honest, he was more relieved than anything to have an excuse to look away from the book. He hated that textbook. He hated the dull, steady ache behind his eyes and the kink in his neck and the way his fingers cramped around the pen. 

Yes. @ the library. Very tired. 

“Merlin.” Mrs. Anderson touched his shoulder. “We’re going to be closing up here in about thirty minutes.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Are you okay? I have some water if you’re thirsty.” 

Merlin smiled. “No, thank you. What I need is caffeine. Maybe Camelot Coffee is still open.” 

“Perhaps you should go home,” Mrs. Anderson suggested gently. “I know you need to study, but it’s not good to overload yourself. Your brain is like any other muscle, Merlin.” 

Merlin’s phone vibrated as soon as she walked away. He scooped it off the table and eagerly read. Come over for dinner. Promise I wont cook or harass you. 

Merlin idly flipped through the pages, looking at the numbers and figures and words that were becoming more meaningless by the second. He couldn’t retain any of this shit. And why did it matter? Was he ever going to use this? Was he ever going to need it? Yes, it would be nice to get the college credit for it, and maybe it would look a little impressive on his transcripts, but he hated it. Arthur had a really good point. Why should he put himself through this if he didn’t need to? He had a really busy schedule and plenty of important things to worry about (besides Arthur even). 

Just the thought of walking away from the class overwhelmed him a bit. Merlin had only ever quit one thing in his life, and he agonized over that decision even though he’d really had no choice at all. This was different. For one thing, neither Hunith nor Gaius would support him on it. For another thing, he had no good reason to just transfer out of an AP course. He could think of some good excuses, if pressed, but that’s all it would be. An excuse. 

Leaving the library in about 10. Will be there in 30.

Good. What do u want 2 eat? 

Pizza & you. 

Don’t want to distract you from test. 

Merlin chewed on his thumb nail and flipped through his notes. At the beginning of the year, he’d been excited to be in the class, eager to prove himself. They became less and less thorough as the months progressed, and honestly, it wasn’t too difficult to see why he had such a hard time with the most recent unit. He was mentally checking out before Arthur became the center of his everything. 

“Oh fuck this.” Merlin swept his books into his bag and walked as briskly as he could through the library. This was ridiculous. Why was he killing himself over this when Arthur was waiting for him with food? 

Leaving now. Will be there in 20.

Good. Missed u. Worried. 

Worried about what? 

Thought you were mad at me.

Not mad. See u soon. 

It took less than twenty minutes to navigate the very familiar route to Arthur’s house. It was always a little strange to Merlin to drive into Arthur’s neighborhood like he belonged there. It was one of the newer developments in the area, and none of the homes were less than four thousand square feet. Merlin didn’t exactly live in the bad part of town, but where he came from, everybody drove used Hondas and leased Toyotas, not brand new BMWs and Jaguars. Sometimes, it felt like Arthur came from a completely different world, one Merlin would never understand. 

Arthur met him on the porch, his hair still damp from the shower, a well-worn T-shirt stretched over his shoulders. The collar was frayed and pulled low, exposing his throat and the dark mat of hair on his chest. Merlin stared at the V of skin, swallowing to dampen his suddenly dry mouth. 

“You were right,” Merlin blurted. 

“About what?” 

“Physics. I don’t need that crap.” 

Arthur’s hopeful expression transformed into a frown. “Are you sure? Didn’t you want the college credit?” 

“I’m taking AP Government, English, and French. Not to mention the fact that I took AP Biology last year. It’s too stressful.” 

“Yeah, if it’s stressing you out, you should try to change it. Pizza’s on the way,” Arthur said, nudging him into the house. 

“Does that mean we need to stay dressed until the delivery boy shows up?”

“It’ll only be a couple of minutes,” Arthur promised him, wrapping his arm around Merlin’s waist. “I wish you could take my fourth period.” 

“It wouldn’t work with my schedule,” Merlin said regretfully. 

His mouth was already attached to Arthur’s neck, lips drawn to the smooth, perfect skin. He nuzzled against Arthur’s Adam’s apple, then nipped at the prominent edge of his collarbone. Arthur swallowed repeatedly, his muscles working beneath Merlin’s hungry kisses. He tasted like hot water and the barest hint of fresh soap. He mouthed lower, kissing Arthur through the tin material of his shirt until his lips brushed over one of his hard nipples. 

“Merlin…I thought we were going to wait.” 

“I am waiting to get you naked. I didn’t say I’d wait to keep my mouth off you. Except…” Merlin bit a path from shoulder to shoulder then skimmed his teeth down Arthur’s flat stomach. “I want to get this shirt off you right now.”

“Wait a sec…” 

Arthur managed to wrestle away from him long enough to pull out his wallet. Merlin’s eyebrow climbed into his hairline as he watched Arthur count out two twenties, open the door, secure the cash under the knocker, and grin. 

“There.” 

Merlin wouldn’t have considered that particular solution, but he didn’t quibble. Arthur leaned on him, hands busy, groping and molesting Merlin and being altogether distracting. 

“I’m going to fall on you again if you keep that up.” 

“Just wait til we get to the bed.” 

Merlin laughed, but managed to keep his footing. It wasn’t easy with Arthur’s weight pulling him down, and they collapsed together on the mattress, their mouths sealing together as soon as they were horizontal. Their tongues twisted together, Merlin tearing at Arthur’s shirt until the material ripped. Merlin muttered an apology before spreading his fingers over Arthur’s chest, his palm rising and falling with each rapid breath. He tilted his head and nosed at the curly hair next to his fingers, shivering with delight at the familiar smell on Arthur’s skin. He dreamed about that smell. He balled up his own shirts at night and brought them to his face, trying to detect traces of Arthur in the material. 

Arthur buried his hands in Merlin’s hair, holding him a little too tightly, guiding him lower. “Fuck, Merlin, I love your mouth. Can I just feel your mouth all night?” 

“Where?” 

“Anywhere. Everywhere. It’s so good. Your lips, your tongue, fuck, I love it.” 

“Tell me where,” Merlin encouraged, body thrumming with excitement at the familiar give and take. The rumble of Arthur’s voice in his chest was like an earthquake, and nothing ever sounded like this, like Arthur stretched out beneath him, muscles rolling under his skin like continents shifting. 

“Suck me, Merlin. Swallow my cock. I want to feel the back of your throat. I need it. You have no idea how much I need it.” 

Merlin unzipped Arthur’s pants, pulled them down, kissed over Arthur’s abdomen until he reached the slick tip of his cock. An almost clear string of pre-come stretched between Arthur’s cock and his stomach. Merlin huffed and caught it with the tip of his tongue, then closed his lips around the crown. Arthur pressed on Merlin’s head, but Merlin didn’t need the encouragement. They were all lopsided on the bed, tangled up in clothes and each other. 

“Merlin…I want…I want to feel your mouth…other places.” 

Merlin rolled his eyes up, silently asking Arthur for clarification. 

“Other…places…” 

Merlin groaned and pulled his mouth away. “Is that some sort of code? I don’t understand.” 

“Lower.” 

Merlin rubbed his cheek against Arthur’s thigh, lapping at his balls. “Here?” 

“No…I mean yes. That’s nice. But…” 

“Arthur, you have to tell me.” 

“My ass.” 

Merlin’s jaw dropped. “Oh.” 

“It was just something I saw and I was curious and I thought maybe you wouldn’t mind trying if I showered…” 

“You planned this?” 

“I was hopeful.” 

Merlin erupted with laughter. It bubbled out of him all at once because Arthur really did look devastatingly hopeful, like he fully expected Merlin to outright refuse. And maybe Merlin would have, except he always wanted more of Arthur. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. I didn’t…it’s just…” Merlin watched as Arthur’s blush deepened, and he tried to squirm away, but Merlin held his hip. “I’ll do it. I want to. Let’s get rid of your pants.” 

Between the two of them, they made short work of the clothes. Merlin took advantage of the short respite to suppress his almost giddy, nervous laughter, reassuring himself that even if it felt strange at first, it’d be worth it in the end. 

Arthur laid back on the bed, his legs bent outwards, cupping his balls to hold them out of Merlin’s way. Merlin laid flat on his stomach, eyeing Arthur’s ass, surprised by how much he appreciated it at this angle. He used one hand to pull Arthur’s cheeks apart, further exposing the tiny, tight pucker. With a tentative sigh, he wiggled the tip over Arthur’s hole, prepared for a less than pleasing taste and texture. 

Merlin realized two things at once. First, the flesh just tasted like Arthur, maybe a bit earthy. Second, Arthur really liked it. He sucked his breath in sharply and bucked forward, fingers entwining in Merlin’s hair again. Merlin tried again, letting his tongue linger for a little longer, tracing the muscle. 

“Oh God…oh Jesus Christ…Merlin…this is so so good. This feels so good. You feel so good. I can’t…I can’t take it…don’t stop. Please.”

Merlin lost himself in the wave of words, closing his eyes and letting his tongue move in endless circles. Arthur was vocal, but Merlin had never done anything that pulled this sort of response from him. He pushed into the hole a little, retreating quickly to drag his tongue over the opening before trying again. Arthur lost his words at that point, reduced to keening and gasping, hips rocking. The sound did strange things to Merlin, hot pleasure spiking through his chest until he thought he’d choke on it. 

Long minutes slid by before Arthur finally croaked a single syllable. “More.” 

Merlin didn’t more he could do—or at least how much more Arthur wanted. He had a feeling Arthur didn’t know, either. Hoping he was making the right choice, he pulled his mouth away and sucked on his finger, wetting it before he rested the tip against Arthur’s opening. He paused, waiting for a protest that never came, then pushed forward to his first knuckle. Arthur tensed then, making it impossible for Merlin to probe further. 

“Arthur…” Merlin wrapped his other hand around Arthur’s cock. “Relax. Do you want me to stop?” 

“…no.” 

“Then you’ve got to take a deep breath and relax.” 

Arthur obeyed, the muscles locked around Merlin’s finger easing ever so slightly. It was enough for Merlin to slide his finger in all the way. Arthur’s grip tightened until Merlin’s scalp tingled, but he wasn’t trying to pull Merlin away, just hold on for dear life. He was making that keening sound again, and it traveled straight to his groin, pulling his balls painfully tight. He stroked Arthur’s cock like he wanted to be touched, pumping his wrist in quick, sharp motions. 

“Merlin…Merlin…I’m so…so close…Merlin…fuck!” Arthur’s final shout rang out, echoing in Merlin’s ears as the hot come splashed over his wrist and fingers. He stroked until Arthur collapsed bonelessly on his mattress, face slack with pleasure and satisfaction. Merlin carefully extracted his finger and slid up Arthur’s body to claim his mouth. He didn’t need to say a word. Arthur palmed the back of his head, tongue breaking into Merlin’s mouth, while he fisted Merlin’s throbbing cock. 

Two strokes, and Merlin’s gasp sounded more like a squeak as he spent himself. 

“God, you’re so amazing,” Arthur sighed, words fluttered over Merlin’s face with his hot breath. “You are.” 

#  
February rolled into March, the temperature rising steadily until even the mild winter chill disappeared and spring was fully upon the Bay Area. The rain didn’t completely dry up, and they were in that golden period where everything was green and the girls wore shorts to school every day. The mild air called to Merlin, drawing him out of doors and out of Arthur’s arms for thirty or forty minutes at a time so he could run through the neighborhoods and watch the gardens bloom. 

The entire senior class was tense and distracted, waiting for early notification letters and SAT results, caught in a limbo between current responsibilities to school and the stress of planning for a future that seemed to be right at their doorstep but still hazy and pliable. Mostly, though, there was a fresh sort of excitement in the air, a buzz that seemed to be communicable. The student government started their preparations for the proms in earnest, while new To-Do lists were formulated for all the activities surrounding graduation (senior trip, senior party, cap and gown vendors) and the upcoming elections for the next year’s government. Midterms loomed, but they weren’t quite as scary as the senior projects everybody had to do for graduation, or the special projects assigned in the AP and honors courses. 

Merlin’s plate was full to overflowing, and he lost many, many hours to Arthur. Not that Merlin considered that lost or wasted time. He couldn’t blow off his student government meetings, but he did take to leaving them early so he could meet Arthur. He still snuck around with Arthur during his third period, until Gwen simply gave up waiting for him in the library. That fact bothered Merlin, but he didn’t know how to bring it up to Gwen. Especially since he didn’t want to defend himself and he wasn’t sure he should apologize. After all, Gwen was his best friend, not his wife, and he didn’t have to justify the time he spent away from her. She did challenge him when she found he dropped physics, but that move worked out for Merlin in the long run. He took Mythology instead, and it quickly became his favorite class. Mr. Jones just read to them for the entire period, and he was so engrossed in his books that he never noticed Merlin texting in the back. 

Merlin was always careful to attend his courses, knowing that they would call Hunith if he missed them. But he was less conscientious about his homework, turning assignments in if he had time to do them in the morning before the first bell, or during one of the planning meetings, but not giving other assignments a second thought. He couldn’t think about them, because then he felt guilty. Really, really, terribly, horribly, sick-to-his-stomach guilty. Everything inside of him wanted to apologize for slacking off and try to pull it together, but then Arthur would smile his crooked smile and take Merlin by the hand, and the guilt was smothered. In the back of his mind, Merlin believed that things would be okay. He was smart, his teachers loved him, and the finish line was so close he could taste it. 

Arthur was the golden sun at the center of Merlin’s world. Merlin rotated around him, with him, breathed for him. In turn, Arthur rewarded him with a fierce dedication that made Merlin feel like the only person on the planet. Arthur only cared for Merlin’s happiness, eagerly giving everything he had of himself. Merlin basked under the attention, absorbed it like a newly blossomed flower under the sun’s yellow rays. 

It was spring and Merlin was in love. He lived under a perfect glass dome of contentment, believing they were untouchable in a way that only a boy could. Merlin even started to understand old love songs--really understand them, and he couldn’t help but make Arthur playlists at night after they finally got off the phone with each other. 

Merlin could have continued like that indefinitely. Until Dr. Gaius blindsided him. 

“Do you know what this is?” Gaius asked, rattling a stack of papers.

Merlin bit the inside of his cheek. He’d been inside Gaius’s office many times before. But never like this, with Gaius glaring at him and sticky hot shame crawling up the back of his neck. He knew what it was, but he didn’t answer. He didn’t even bother to look. 

“Merlin Emrys look at me.” 

Merlin refused. If he looked at Gaius, he would have to explain himself. And he couldn’t explain himself. 

“I know I’ve been impatient with you before, Merlin, even cross at times. But I have never been disappointed. What have you got to say for yourself?” 

“I…” 

“Well?” 

“It’s not that bad,” Merlin finally tried, desperately. 

“It’s not that bad? It’s not that bad? Merlin, what has gotten into your head? Do you know who I spoke to today? An admissions counselor at UCLA. There’s a red flag on your records right now because of your failing grades.” 

Merlin winced. “I didn’t do well on the midterms but…” 

“You’re only passing three of your classes right now. One of them is mythology for God’s sake. Who even authorized that transfer?” 

“I was stressed from physics.” 

“You were stressed." 

“Yeah. You know how much I’m doing right now. I’m busy. Physics was just too much,” Merlin said, growing comfortable with the half-truth. 

“Is that so? Do you know what I think happened?” 

Merlin shook his head, winning his staring contest with the floor. 

“I think you’re all twitterpated over Arthur Pendragon.” 

That caught Merlin’s attention. They weren't open with their relationship, both aware if they allowed themselves to be affectionate in public they’d be inseperable. He hadn’t mentioned Arthur to anybody, either. Not really. 

“Oh yes, Merlin, I know. You’re not exactly subtle, are you? You walk around here with your head in the clouds and hickeys all over your neck. And Arthur has been particularly truant lately. He’s doing even worse than you are, if that’s possible.” 

“Gaius…” 

“I have stayed out of it until now because you’re technically an adult, and frankly, it’s none of my business. But you are ruining your life, and I’m not going to let that happen.” 

Merlin lifted his chin, full of brittle bravado. “You’re not going to let it happen? What are you going to do about it? Forbid me from seeing Arthur? Hold me in detention until I tell you what you want to hear?” 

“No. I’m going to appeal to the fact that you’re a reasonable boy and your mother has worked very hard and sacrificed a great deal for your welfare.” 

Merlin rose to his feet on a wave of anger, stung from the betrayal. How dare Gaius bring his mother into it? Gaius stood, clearly unimpressed with Merlin’s blustering display. 

“You have no right to…” 

“It’s only the truth, Merlin.” 

“You can’t hold her against me! That’s emotional blackmail.” 

“I’m not holding anything against anybody. I’m asking you to consider the fact that you don’t get a second chance at this. If you fuck this up, you’ll regret it and you’ll realize Arthur Pendragon isn’t worth it.” 

Merlin gaped, too stunned by Gaius’s slip into profanity to immediately process the rest. “Arthur’s worth it. Arthur’s better than either of us ever will be.” 

“You’re infatuated with him, Merlin. This sort of love isn’t special. You two are not unique in this world. It happens to everybody, and it goes away. A nice memory, but nothing more.” 

“How can you say that like you know anything about us?” 

“Merlin, my boy, I know everything about the two of you. Please, reconsider what you’re doing. Arthur’s path, wherever it takes him, isn’t yours.” 

Gaius phrased it gently, but Merlin still understood. Arthur had deplorable grades and only an outside shot at playing college ball, with a bad attitude for anybody who wasn’t Merlin. In the weeks they’d been together, he’d never indicated he had a plan for his life. But still…

“You can’t just give up on him.” 

“I haven’t the time to fix him, Merlin.” He tilted his head, his brow arching. “Neither do you.” 

“Oh…fuck.” 

Merlin flung the door open and marched out of the room. He knew he was flouncing, knew it was rather childish, but he couldn’t help himself. He wasn’t in control of himself, his anger jerking him around like a puppet. Hot, angry tears pooled from the corners of his eyes, which just made the shame burn brighter, lighting him from the inside. He fumbled for his phone, trying to text through the haze that had settled over his eyes. 

Meet me at ur car need u 

#

Arthur didn’t know who was responsible for making Merlin cry, but when he found out he was going to find that person and beat the shit out of them. Merlin didn’t answer him when he asked through gritted teeth, fists already balled up and ready for action. Just sniffed and told Arthur he wanted to get out of there. 

“Please, Arthur just take me somewhere.” 

Arthur had ditched Spanish without even nodding at the teacher. Just gathered up his bag and limped out, able to move faster now that he was on a cane instead of crutches. It never occurred to him to ignore Merlin’s text. He would go anywhere Merlin needed him, any time. He hadn’t been worried, though, just hopeful that Merlin was in the mood for a rare post-lunch quickie. The worry came when he reached the edge of the lot and could just make out Merlin’s outline on the other side. Even from a distance Arthur could tell something was wrong. When he got close enough to see actual tears streaming down Merlin’s cheeks, Arthur was more than prepared to put somebody in the hospital. 

He’d subdued his anger long enough to do as Merlin said. Midday traffic was light, and so Arthur decided they didn’t have to go home. He got on the I4, certain that a trip to the marina would cheer Merlin up. Who could be sad that close to the ocean? 

They were standing on the pier before Arthur tried again. “What happened?” 

“Nothing.” 

“It clearly wasn’t nothing, Merlin.” 

“I got in a fight with Gaius.” 

“What? A fight? Over what?” 

“Nothing. It’s not…it doesn’t matter.” 

“The fact that you don’t want to tell me makes it pretty clear it does matter. Now out with it.” 

“I’m failing half of my classes. Gaius was obviously concerned.” 

Arthur knew Merlin’s grades were slipping, but he had no idea things were like that. “All your AP courses?” 

“I’m passing English, mythology, and student government.” 

“You don’t even have tests in mythology and student government.” 

Merlin sighed. “Exactly.” 

“Merlin…this is…you can’t fail your courses.” 

“I know that! God, do you think I don’t know that? Do you think I don’t feel like shit right now? I’ve never failed anything until…” 

“Until I came along.” 

“That’s not what I was going to say.” 

“You didn’t have to say it, Merlin. I’m not that dumb. I should have known.” 

“What?” 

“That I’d ruin your life.” 

“Arthur, no. No, no.” Merlin wrapped his arms around him, pressing against him in a fierce hug. Arthur had never cared for hugs, but when it came to Merlin, it was easy to get caught up in a swell of affection, his arms sliding around the thinner man easily. “You didn’t ruin my life. You’re the best thing that ever happened to my life.” 

Arthur sighed. He didn’t want to start a fight. He couldn’t exactly protest that he was really the most terrible thing that could ever happen to Merlin. No matter how true it was, Merlin wouldn’t believe him. 

They stood like that for a long time, then walked right up to the end of the pier and stared out over the choppy, grayish waves. There were sails on the horizon, red and green splashes against a blue sky. Arthur tracked them with his eyes until he couldn’t see them anymore, wondering who was out there sailing in the middle of the day, and wishing he was with them. Merlin took Arthur’s hand, but didn’t say anything. Arthur could feel him thinking, practically hear his mind whirling. Was he envisioning his life without Arthur? Or one where Arthur remained? Arthur couldn’t decide which was worse. 

“I don’t think he’s right, Arthur. I know I’ve got to get my grades up, and that’s my responsibility. It’s not like you keep my chained to your bed. Though I know you would if you could.” 

“Yeah, probably. I’ll take you back. You probably won’t miss the last period.” 

Merlin shook his head. “I don’t want to go back there today.” 

“Merlin, come on.” 

“No. I…look, if I’m serious about this then it’s going to have all my attention for the next two and half months. Let me have today with you.” 

Arthur shouldn’t give in to the big puppy eyes. He should stand firm on the issue and insist that they both go back to school. That Merlin had to start making changes now. Merlin, he should say, we both need to be stronger and put the rest of your life in front of our own needs. 

But Arthur’s needs were so strong. The earlier rush of anger hadn’t completely faded, and the desire to make Merlin happy was still paramount. 

“I’m holding you to that,” Arthur warned. “Starting tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow,” Merlin echoed. 

Merlin seemed somewhat soothed by the time they returned to Arthur’s SUV, but Arthur’s mind still raced. He wanted to believe in his own nobility and Merlin’s common sense. He would just have to find something to keep his mind off Merlin. Physical therapy accounted for six hours a week, but the rest of his schedule was wide open. And he never grew bored with Merlin. There was always something to discover or relearn, always something for Arthur to dwell on until it drove him crazy and he had to see Merlin.

How could he avoid getting in Merlin’s way when his goal in life was to encompass Merlin? 

How would Merlin ever accomplish any of his goals if he flunked out of high school and failed to graduate? Merlin didn’t hate Arthur now, but he would, and who could blame him? 

“Arthur, please stop worrying.” 

“I’m not worrying.” 

“You are. It’s going to be okay. I promise.” 

“I know.” 

“I’ll talk to my teachers and see what I can make up. None of them want me to fail. I’m sure they’ll help me.” 

Arthur had to believe him. He’d always felt vaguely persecuted by his own teachers, convinced they disliked him on sight and were more often than not out to make his life miserable. But Merlin always chatted with his teachers like they were old friends. Arthur had seen him lingering between classes, lingering at desks to finish his conversations through the warning bell. Well, Merlin used to do that. But not recently. Not since Arthur. 

“Just trust me,” Merlin added. 

“I will. I do. And I can be a slave-driver, if I have to be.” 

“Now I’m imagining you all dressed in leather.” 

“With a whip?” 

“Yeah. It’s not half bad.” 

Arthur tilted his head, considering. “I could wear a nice pair of chaps. No vest, though.” 

“You’d look great in a vest.” Merlin swallowed. “Really great. You wouldn’t happen to own a leather vest, would you?” 

“I think there’s a camouflage vest in the garage.” 

“Why?” 

“One year, Uther took up hunting. He said it was the new golf or something. It didn’t take.” 

“It’s not quite the look I was going for, but I think it’d work.” 

“How about when we get to my house, I just take off my shirt?” 

“That’ll work to. You could take it off now.” 

Arthur laughed. “I’m driving now.” 

“I could help.” 

“Don’t you dare.” 

Merlin grinned. “Scared I’ll tickle you again? I’d never do that while you’re driving, Arthur. I’m not crazy.” 

“I’m not so sure. You keep your hands to yourself while I drive.” 

“Fine, fine,” Merlin grumbled. “But you’re ass is mine when we get home.” 

"Yes, sir." 

"I'm serious." 

"I know you are." 

Arthur didn't realize until they were both naked in bed that Merlin had been quite literal in his declaration. 

#

Arthur covered his face with a pillow, holding it in place with both hands so that it would muffle his screams. He probably sounded like somebody was murdering him, but when he tried to bite down and stifle the sound, it felt like his chest would burst. All of this strangeness inside of him had to go somewhere. There had be to be some outlet, and since he couldn’t touch or kiss Merlin, the energy escaped through sound. Merlin twisted his wrist, burying three fingers deep in Arthur’s ass and holding them there, letting him adjust to the intrusion. 

Merlin used his mouth to distract Arthur from any discomfort he might feel, generously sucking and bobbing his head, occasionally sinking all the way down to the root. He’d swallow as he pushed forward, simultaneously holding and filling Arthur, tearing him in two equally exquisite directions. He tried to move his hips to maximize both sensations, jerking gracelessly, holding Merlin’s head down. There was something, some spot, and Merlin kept touching it. It was so sensitive that Arthur couldn’t even tell if it hurt. The lines between pain and pleasure were blurring so rapidly, the signals crossing in Arthur’s head until there wasn’t a distinction to be made. That was when Arthur wanted more. 

“Fuck me, Merlin. I’m ready. I’m ready for you to do it.” Fearing Merlin wouldn’t be able to hear him under the pillow, he flung it away and repeated himself more forcefully. 

Merlin lifted his head. “I heard you.” He licked Arthur’s crown, his wrist moving faster. “But isn’t this nice, too?” 

“It is. It is. It’s very nice. Great. I love it. Fuck…fuck…I really do. But I want more. Merlin.” 

“Are you sure? You can change your mind…” 

“Yes, I’m sure!” 

“Okay, Okay.” Merlin sat up, easing his fingers free. “Do you want to stay on your back or roll over.?” 

“Yes. Whatever, I don’t care. Whatever you like.” 

“I think I’d like to see to your face. Here give me your other pillow.” 

Arthur chucked at him without hesitation. Merlin slid it under Arthur’s hips, propping him enough to get a slightly better angle. Arthur watched as he gripped the base of his cock and leaned forward, catching his breath as the smooth crown nudged his hole. Arthur had thought himself adequately prepared, but at the first touch of the hot skin, it occurred to him that this might not work. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Merlin said, like the same thought had just occurred to him. 

“You won’t. It’ll be fine.” 

“But…you’re so tight and…I’m scared it probably will hurt.” 

“Merlin, do you want to fuck me?” 

Merlin exhaled. “More than anything. It’s all I’ve been thinking about.” 

Arthur gripped his hip, tugging him forward. “Then fuck me. I want you to Merlin.” 

“Okay. Okay. But stop me if I hurt you.” 

“Yes, yes, alright.” 

Merlin screwed his eyes shut and pushed forward. Then pushed a little harder. The slick muscle gave way to the force, creating a tight seal around the tip of Merlin’s cock. Merlin stilled, taking ragged breaths while they both adjusted. Arthur hooked his leg around Merlin, pulling him closer, silently begging him to keep moving. The next inch was painful, but the lubricant helped reduce the friction, and the burn wasn’t so terrible Arthur couldn’t stand it. 

Merlin gasped and jerked back, sliding out of Arthur. “Fuck.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I just…I didn’t want to just slam into you and I…” 

“Merlin, calm down. I know you don’t want to hurt me, but I promise, it’s fine. The good is definitely outweighing the bad.” Arthur sat up to palm the side of Merlin’s head and draw him into a slow kiss. He worked his mouth over Merlin’s until he felt the tension drain from him, his body leaning into Arthur’s. “Listen to me, okay? I want you to fuck me, and I’ve wanted it for a long time. I know it’s not going to be completely pleasant at first, but it’s going to be worth it. I promise you that.” 

“Okay.” 

“Will it be easier if I turn around?” 

“No, I need to see your face.” 

Arthur caught his bottom lip, sucking on it gently before sweeping his tongue through Merlin’s mouth. When he settled back down, Merlin’s face had a lovely flush and his eyes were shining with renewed determination. He paused long enough to smear more K-Y over his cock, then the blunt tip was pressing for entrance once again. This time Merlin didn’t need Arthur’s assistance to breach the muscle, and the first inch was easy. 

“Come on, Merlin. Fuck me…that’s right…like that…” 

It was obvious that Merlin was still nervous about the ordeal. He didn’t pull away again, but he only moved his hips gradually and paused often to check Arthur’s face for any signs of pain. He started stroking Arthur’s cock, but Arthur had to put a stop to do that, afraid he would come before Merlin was even fully inside of him. That was the very last thing he wanted.

It might have taken an actual eternity. Arthur’s sense of time was all fucked up since he couldn’t take his attention from Merlin, and his brain wasn’t processing anything besides the sensation that danced between pain and satisfaction. The fullness didn’t just feel good, it felt right. Like the two of them had been born to do this to each other, and Arthur just wanted more. Finally, thoughtlessly, he used his superior strength to force the issue, locking his arms and legs around Merlin and guiding him forward until he was completely buried. 

“Oh god, Arthur. Oh my god.” Merlin braced himself over Arthur’s body, letting the tip of Arthur’s slick cock slide across his belly. Arthur relaxed his legs, allowing Merlin to ease back, but he didn’t go all the way. They both moaned as he rolled his hips forward, and Arthur felt like he was going to lose his fucking mind. Despite Merlin’s best efforts to prepare his body for this intrusion, Arthur wasn’t even close to ready for something like this. Merlin pressing down and in, skin hot and slick, chest jerking with each gasp, his entire body throbbing. Merlin was inside of him, finally joining with him, completing him even though Arthur hadn’t been aware that he was somehow incomplete. 

“Keep moving. Please keep moving.” 

Merlin wanted to stay buried and just rock his hips, but Arthur needed more than that. He felt like he was smoldering but the friction would be enough to start the fire. They fought each other silently, both of them struggling for control, pushing for what they each wanted instead of what they needed to give the other. But somehow, through the moments of resistance and begging, they worked out a rhythm that satisfied them both. 

Their bodies crashed together in beautiful ways, all desperate fingers and hungry mouths, fitting together perfectly and not fitting at all. Arthur wanted more before it was even over, a dedicated part of his mind contemplating all the ways Merlin could fuck him, all the different positions and speeds and fuck they should have been doing this for weeks. 

When Merlin’s hand returned to Arthur’s cock, he didn’t push him away a second time. He still wanted to make this last as long as possible, but he was drowning and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t form the words. Speech was impossible, and a statement as simple as Don’t touch me yet because I really don’t want to come was completely beyond his ability. He moaned and jerked his hips, hand covering Merlin’s as his fingers wrapped around his shaft. His balls were tight and there was a certain tingling at the base of his spine. It intensified as Merlin’s long, skinny fingers skimmed over his skin, flexing to press into the swollen flesh. 

“Faster, Merlin. Fuck…need more…” 

“I can’t,” Merlin ground out. “Any faster and I’ll…” 

“Any faster and I’ll come. Please.” 

“Arthur…Arthur…” 

“A little harder…just a bit...let go, Merlin. You can let go.” 

Merlin pushed himself to his knees and Arthur quickly took advantage of that, resting his legs on Merlin’s shoulders to open himself even wider. Merlin gripped the back of his knees, holding him with enough force to leave marks as he snapped his hips forward. Arthur shouted and Merlin made a strangled, whimpering sort of sound. 

“Again,” Arthur choked out. 

Merlin pulled back until only the tip remained, paused until Arthur thought he was going to crawl right out of his skin, then thrust with as much force as before. 

“Oh fuck.” 

“Arthur…” 

“Again.” 

Merlin complied, shuttling his cock until Arthur was reduced to moaning and half-words, the sound easily traveling through the house until Luann and the gardener and the men hired to clean the carpets all knew exactly what was going on behind Arthur’s closed door. It didn’t last for long. Neither one of them had quite mastered the art of self-control, and they were both lost in waves of pleasure that crested at higher and higher peaks before tottering under their own weight and crashing down on the unsuspecting boys. 

Arthur’s back arched off the bed, and he rose higher and higher, his body pulling so tight he thought he would crack and break apart like glass. He was so close…so close…so…so…he tried to tell Merlin, tried to beg him to end this suffering because he couldn’t even breathe and he could feel his heart pounding right through his skin, like it planned to burst out of the cave of Arthur’s chest. 

“Merlin…please…I need…” Something. Anything. Whatever it took. 

Merlin bent over his body and sealed their mouths together, taking Arthur with a final, powerful thrust. At the first brush of Merlin’s tongue, Arthur went soaring. He shouted against Merlin’s mouth, felt his cock jerk and flex, felt everything break apart and come back together again in new ways that Arthur had never considered before. Merlin’s breath hitched, and then the thick cum pulsed deep into his ass. 

They rocked together slowly until Merlin’s cock stopped twitching against Arthur’s walls. They were both covered in thin, sticky ropes, and Arthur knew a shower and an icepack would probably be necessary. His ass was already starting to hurt a little. Sitting probably wouldn’t be any fun for a few days. But somehow, the number one concern in his mind was When can we do this again? 

“You okay?” Arthur asked when Merlin’s collapsed on top of him, head pillowed on Arthur’s shoulder. 

“I think I should be asking you that.” 

“I’m great.” 

“I wasn’t too rough?” 

“No, you were great.” 

“I loved it. Being so close to you.” 

Arthur exhaled. “Me, too. I loved every part of it.” 

“When do you think you’ll be able to do that again?” 

“I don’t know. In June after we’ve graduated?” 

Merlin lifted his head. “What?” 

“Didn’t we just decide you need to focus on school? You won’t be focusing if you’re more concerned with my ass.” 

“But we don’t have to wait until June.” 

“Consider it extra incentive,” Arthur said, trying to sound stern about the whole thing. He hoped Merlin believed in his sincerity, because if Merlin tested him or pushed just a little bit, Arthur would have no choice but to give in. He was weak. He needed Merlin. But he could try to be the strong one for Merlin’s sake. 

#

Twenty minutes passed in silence. Teachers had been separating Merlin and Gwen since grade school because they couldn’t stop the chatter. Merlin compulsively shared every thought, and Gwen was always a receptive and often encouraging audience. They had been inseparable for so many years of their lives that Merlin had never considered what it would be like to not know what to say to her. It wasn’t that he didn’t have anything to say to her. He had so much that he was bursting with it, but she did such a swell job of pretending he wasn’t there that he couldn’t even begin. 

“Merlin, have you finalized the hotel for the prom?” 

“What?” 

She rifled through the papers, her frown deepening. “There’s no receipt for the hotel deposit. I’m checking our budget and I thought it was a little high…” 

“The hotel…” 

“You were supposed to do that in February. Merlin, every hotel in the city is going to be booked.”

“No, I called. I did. It was on my to-do list for the Monday after Valentine’s Day. I remember because we settled on the hotel we wanted the Tuesday before the dance, but I was really busy that week so I was going to wait until things slowed down and do it on…on Monday…” 

“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you didn’t book the hotel, Merlin. This is our prom.” 

“I’ll do it now. I’ll just call right now. It’ll be fine.” 

“It won’t be fine. Every high school from San Francisco to Stockton has already reserved the hotels. Honestly, we shouldn’t have even put it off as long as we did.” Gwen stood, her face crumpled with anger, tears shining in her eyes. “Is there anything else I should know about? You know what, forget it. I’ll just worry about the Prom myself. You don’t have to worry about it.” 

“Gwen, I’m sorry. I didn’t do it on purpose.” 

“So? What difference does that make? Yes, okay, it would be worse if you purposefully sabotaged the senior prom, but this is still pretty bad.” 

“Let me fix it.”

“No, Merlin. Don’t fix it. Don’t do anything. Just…don’t even be here.” 

Merlin blinked. “What?” 

“Leave. Go be with Arthur, where you want to be. I know that you don’t give a shit about any of this.” 

“That’s a quarter.” 

“Don’t! Don’t make a joke out of this.” 

“Gwen, I’m sorry. I do give a shit. Why would you think I don’t?” 

Gwen gaped at him. “Are you serious? Are you even taking this seriously at all? You’re never here. When you are here, you’re barely present.” 

“I’m here every afternoon! I haven’t missed a single class or a single meeting.” 

“You spend the entire time texting Arthur.” 

“You’re just jealous,” Merlin flung back, unable to defend himself in any other way. 

“Yes, Merlin, I am jealous. I’m jealous that Arthur gets every free second with you. I’m jealous that I’ve lost my best friend. I’m falling in love, too, and it’s great and I’d love to talk to you about it, but you couldn’t even give a fuck. Talking to Lance isn’t the same as talking to you and you don’t even…” Gwen stared at him for another beat then shook her head. “Forget about it. I’ll call the hotel. Maybe…” 

Merlin acted without thinking about it, all of his protective instincts and fierce love awakened by Gwen’s very obvious determination not to cry. She wasn’t staving off angry tears. Merlin had seen that look before, when her pride battled with her broken heart, and her broken heart was winning. He’d done that to her. 

“Gwen, wait. Please. I don’t know what else to say except I’m really sorry.” 

“You don’t have to keep apologizing. It was bound to happen sooner or later, wasn’t it? Nobody keeps their high school friends when they get to college.” 

“Whoa, Gwen, what? No, no, that’s not…why would you think that? We’re going to be best friends forever. Remember, we had a ceremony and everything?” 

“We were eight.” 

“It still counts. It always counts. That’s the point of the ceremony.” 

“What am I supposed to think, Merlin? You’ve completely shut me out. I don’t know anything that’s going on with you right now. You didn’t even tell me about getting called to Gaius’s office. I had to hear that through the grapevine. You never study with me anymore.” 

“I know. I know I’ve been a terrible friend. It’s like, I don’t know, Arthur’s a drug in my system. I’m always thinking about when I can see him again. Remember when we marathoned Intervention. It’s like that. Except Gaius has already tried an intervention and I’m not sure it even worked but I’m trying.” 

“That’s…that’s really not healthy, Merlin. You shouldn’t be addicted to people.” 

“I know. But I’ve never met anybody like Arthur. Being with him…I don’t know. My life is falling apart around my ears. I’m failing my classes. I’ve fucked up the Prom. You hate me. But you know what? One text from Arthur and I forget all of that. I don’t want to be this way. Please don’t hate me.” 

“I don’t hate you. Haven’t you been listening? If I hated you, this wouldn’t hurt my feelings so much.” 

“Can I make it up to you?” 

“No.” 

“Can I try?” 

“No.” She still sounded firm, but Merlin could tell she was wavering. 

“What if I make you an I’m-Sorry-I’m-So-Stupid-Sundae.” 

“What’s on that?” 

“Well, it starts with three different types of ice cream. It also includes warm fudge, strawberry syrup, mashed up Oreo cookies, and…warmed up peanut butter.” 

“With peanut butter ice cream?” 

“Of course.” 

“You can’t just buy your way back into my affections with sticky, gooey treats.” 

“What if the sticky, gooey treat is a standing date? Every Wednesday night, we’ll meet at my house for I’m-Sorry-I’m-So-Stupid-Sundaes.” 

“I don’t know, Merlin. I know it’s dumb, but I don’t even know if I can trust you to keep that date.” 

“You can,” Merlin said earnestly, taking her hand. “I swear Gwen. On anything. Name it.” 

“Swear on Archimedes,” Gwen said without hesitation. 

“He’s not here with me.” 

“We’ll have a more formal ceremony tonight over ice cream.” 

“Okay. I, Merlin Emrys, swear on Archimedes that I will never, ever stand you, Gwen Smith, up on any of our standing dates from now on.” 

“If you do, I get Archimedes.” 

“Ah, come on Gwen, really?” 

“I have to know you’re serious about this, Merlin. Now, promise.” 

“I promise that if I ever do miss a standing date with Ms. Guinevere Smith, I will cede all prior rights to Archimedes the Great Stuffed Owl.” Merlin lowered his voice. “So it is written, so it shall be done.” 

“It’s not written, you dork.” 

“I expect you’ll request it in blood with two notarized witnesses.” 

She swatted at his arm. “No, this will suffice. Honestly, Merlin, you’re lucky I let you keep the owl this long.” 

“It’s my owl.” 

“I won him.” 

“For me!” 

“It wasn’t for you!” 

“It was. I said, ‘Oh Gwen, please win that owl for me. I want him ever so much but I throw like a girl.’ And then you said, ‘I’m a girl, Merlin.’ And then I said, ‘Yeah, but you don’t throw like one.’” 

“No, you bullied me into playing that stupid game with the rings.” 

“I? Bullied? Like anybody could ever bully you. You wanted to win that owl for me. You knew it would cheer me up.” Merlin squeezed her fingers. “It worked, too.” 

“Do you still sleep with it on your bed?” 

“Every night.” 

“Then I guess it would be cruel to take it from you.” 

“Extremely cruel. Inhumane. It’d be a crime in some countries, actually. And it’d be a severe punishment in others.” 

“I suppose that means you better not go back on your vow.” 

Merlin grinned. “You’re wily, Gwen. I like that in a girl.” 

“That’d probably mean more if you like girls. Oh! That reminds me, though. I want all the dirty details.” 

Merlin gulped. “All of them?” 

“Yes.” 

“I don’t know. There are kind of a lot Gwen.” 

“You’ve never had a problem sharing before.” 

“I’ve never done…anything like this before. There’s not really a precedent for this, Gwen, trust me.” 

“Sounds kinky.” 

“No,” Merlin protested. “No, it’s not kinky. It’s…exciting. How far have you got with Lance?” 

“A lady doesn’t kiss and tell.” 

“I don’t see a lady around here.” 

“Ha ha ha. I’m serious.” 

“But I have to share all my secrets with you? That’s not very fair, Gwen. I have to tell you all my secrets but you don’t have to tell me yours?” 

“Yes. You’re the bad friend here, so I think it’s only fitting.” 

“Tell me one thing about Lance and I’ll tell you one thing about Arthur.” 

“Merlin.” 

“Come on, Gwen. One thing.” He led her back to the table, gently pushing her towards her chair. “You know you’re dying to tell me something. You already said you wanted to talk to me about it.” 

“Okay. One thing. But…and I’m serious…you have to promise not to laugh.” 

Merlin’s lips twitched. “Oh, I can already tell this is going to be good.” 

“I’m serious.” 

Merlin composed himself. “Me, too. Look, I’m not even smiling.” 

“Okay…sometimes…when Lance is really getting into it…” 

“Into it how?” 

“What?” 

“What are you doing to him? It might be important to the story later.” 

“It’s not important to the story,” Gwen said, a blush crawling up her neck. “It’s not important to the story at all.” 

“I’m just saying, if it’s your hand or your mouth…” 

“Merlin. I’m not…it doesn’t matter, okay? Just when he’s getting into it, sometimes he…well sometimes he sounds like a sheep.” 

Merlin had to bite down hard on his tongue to keep from laughing, but somehow, it wasn’t enough to keep the amusement from his voice. “A…sheep?” 

“Yes. A sheep.” 

“How…” Merlin swallowed twice. “How does he sound like a sheep, Gwen?” 

“It’s just a sort of…baa sound.” 

“A sort of…baa sound.” Air was becoming a precious commodity. He couldn’t think about Lancelot suddenly baaing in the middle of sex. If he did…oh if he did he was going to lose it and then Gwen would kill him and he didn’t want to die with so much of his life ahead of him. So he couldn’t laugh. No matter what. “He baas.” 

“It’s not funny.” 

“Yes, it is,” Merlin choked out. “It’s…it’s the funniest…oh my god a sheep…” Merlin’s voice cracked as he said sheep, and then the laughter was escaping from him in nothing less than guffaws. It came from deep in his diaphragm, shaking his whole body until the sound dried up and all he could do was gasp for breath. He’d feel terrible about it if Gwen wasn’t covering her face with both hands, her shoulders shaking with just as much force. 

“At first…at first I thought it was just a fluke, but…then he did it again. And again. And I realized it was his thing.” 

“Oh my god. Oh my god. Please tell me it’s loud.” 

“Merlin…” She took his arm and looked him dead in the eye. “It’s like it comes from his heart.” 

Tears streamed down Merlin’s cheeks, and he had to press his face to the cool desk to try to ease the flush under his skin while he struggled for breath. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so hard at anything, and his abdomen muscles were actually beginning to hurt. 

“Oh my god, you’re killing me. I’m going to laugh myself to death, like the weasels in Roger Rabbit.” 

“I know,” Gwen gasped. “I know exactly what you mean. Okay, you’re turn.” 

“I don’t have anything as good as baaing. I don’t think anybody does.” 

“No, come on, it’s only fair.” 

Merlin sat up and used his shirt to wipe the dampness away from his eyes. “Okay…let me think. Um. He loves to cuddle. Sometimes he pretends to sleep on the couch so he can get away with cuddling.” 

“Are you kidding me, Merlin? That’s not funny, that’s adorable. And sweet.” 

“I know, right? He’s adorable and sweet all the time.” 

“Arthur Pendragon.” 

“Yes. All of the time.” 

“Hmm. That’s a pretty killer combination with those looks. It’s no wonder you’ve been so spacey.” 

“Well, he’s no prize sheep. You must be using your mouth when he does that, otherwise how do you keep from laughing?” 

Gwen’s sigh was long-suffering. “Yes, okay, you figured it out. Now no more about that.” 

“Why are you so shy? Ooh, I could give you pointers. See if you could inspire any other inner farm animal.” 

“You think you’re that good.” 

“No, but Arthur is.” 

“You just want to brag about your boyfriend.” 

“And help you at the same time.” Merlin leaned forward. “There’s this thing that you could do with his your tongue that’ll probably make him bray like a donkey.” 

“Eww, no, are you serious?” 

Merlin waggled his brows at her. “I’m telling you, he’ll follow you anywhere if you do this.” 

Gwen leaned back, like she was done with the conversation, but her resolve was weakening by the second. Finally she nodded. “Tell me.” 

“Will you help me with my French?” 

“That wasn’t part of the deal.” 

“Hey, you can’t get something for nothing in this world.” 

“Fine. Deal. Then the Sundaes.” 

Merlin held out his hand in a familiar gesture. They must have shook on deals a million times in their lifetimes, but for Merlin, this was the one that meant the most. 

#

Merlin thought it a little ironic that after four years of tireless service to the student body, he’d be remembered as the asshole who ruined everybody’s senior prom. All of the work he did to improve the taste and nutritional value of the food in the cafeteria, the car pool program, the amped up recycling program, the really awesome senior gift he’d planned, not to mention all the other great dances including the unparalleled success of their junior prom, and this would be his legacy. And all because he fell in love with a boy. 

It wouldn’t be so bad if the date wasn’t already set in stone. He knew there were already deposits put down on tuxes and limos, already reservations made for elaborately planned dates. If he announced they were moving it, he’d probably have a riot on his hands. Gaius would not be impressed with that. Not that there was a huge window of possibilities. As Gwen had predicted, nearly everything was booked. Merlin had never realized just how many conventions and conferences were going on all the time. 

He didn’t need this stress on top of his failing grades. Going to Gaius for help was the obvious solution, but it wasn’t even an option. Gaius wouldn’t lecture him again, but he’d give Merlin that look , and he wouldn’t have to say anything. He didn’t want to given another guilt trip about Arthur, when this wasn’t even Arthur’s fault. Not entirely. It was his own fault for putting off the phone call and then forgetting about it. 

Merlin mulled the problem all day, subtly using his phone to check hotel websites, scribbling down numbers that he called between classes and over lunch. May was just a very busy time, and the reservation clerks added helpfully, usually booked months in advance. By the end of the day, he was wondering how to tell everybody that their magical evenings would be taking place in the gym, making it just as special as the holiday dances. 

After school, he put his time in at the library, completing the French assignments he’d happily overlooked before. He only had one destination in mind when the library closed. Arthur’s mansion basically felt like home now, but only because he knew Arthur would be waiting for him, actually impatient to see him. All the more impatient because Merlin couldn’t stay later than ten. So far Operation Don’t-Destroy-Life-With-Sex was a success, but it was also only two days old. 

Merlin didn’t even have the chance to knock on the door before Arthur yanked it open, pulled him inside, and greeted him with a hard kiss. 

“Do you know how hard it was to stop myself from marching to the library and dragging you out?” Arthur asked against his mouth. 

“About as hard as it was to stop myself from leaving. But I was a good boy and focused on my work.” 

“Would you like a reward?” 

“Yes, please.” 

“Go get naked and wait for me.” 

“God, you give the best rewards.” 

Merlin left a trail of clothes, like breadcrumbs for Arthur to follow, behind him, and flopped onto Arthur’s bed with a grateful sigh. He loved Arthur’s bed, adored the smell of his sheets, wanted to bury his face in the cool pillows. He lay on his stomach, eyes closed, letting the stress of the day seep out of his limbs. It wasn’t difficult to compartmentalize and lock all the horrible things out of his mind when he was wrapped in Arthur’s thick comforter. 

A soft kiss on the small of his back alerted Merlin’s to Arthur’s presence. He left a line of kisses up Merlin’s spine, ending at the nape of his neck. “Do you have any idea how delicious you look like this?” 

“Have you had dinner yet tonight?” 

“No.” 

“So basically when you look at me you see a roasting turkey?” 

“Yes, like in that episode of Seinfeld.” 

“That’s worrisome.” 

“Indeed. I might just lose control.” Arthur sank his teeth into Merlin’s shoulder. 

“Just like all the other times, then?” 

“Smartass. Keep it up and you won’t get your reward.” 

“I thought this was my reward.” 

“No, the bowl of chocolate pudding is your reward.” 

Merlin whipped around so quickly he nearly bashed Arthur’s nose with his head. “You have chocolate pudding? Where did you get chocolate pudding?” 

“Luann made it and let it for us.” 

Merlin rolled onto his back. “Why did I have to get naked to eat pudding?” 

“You didn’t. The nudity was my reward.” Arthur sat back on his heels and dipped his finger into the bowl, coating it. Merlin licked his lips and opened his mouth, happy to suck it off Arthur’s finger. But Arthur bypassed his lips, choosing to smear it over his chest instead. 

“Hey! I wanted to eat that.” 

“Shh.” Arthur bent his head and dragged his tongue from Merlin’s collarbone to his abdomen, licking away every trace of the pudding. Merlin caught his breath, forgetting about the pudding completely and just hoping Arthur would move lower. He smeared another line of pudding over him, licked it clean, did it again. “Mmmm. This is really good.” 

“You should share.” 

“Okay, if you’re going to keep going on about it.” He scooped more pudding out of the bowl and brought it to Merlin’s mouth. Arthur watched with heavy eyes as Merlin wrapped his lips around Arthur’s finger, his tongue winding over the digit, eagerly taking in every bit of the sweet treat. The pudding really was delicious. Merlin loved pudding. “Like that?” 

Merlin nodded enthusiastically. 

Arthur smiled and coated his finger again. He smirked at Merlin and painted his own chest with it. Merlin didn’t need to be told what to do. He pushed himself to his knees and attacked Arthur with his mouth, cleaning away the pudding quickly. Merlin didn’t stop there, though. He lapped at Arthur’s nipple until it the flesh was hard, then pulled it between his teeth. Arthur moaned, holding Merlin by his neck, fingers massaging the stiff tendons. 

“You’re really tense,” Arthur said. 

“It’s nothing,” Merlin said swiftly, wiggling his tongue over Arthur’s skin, hoping it would distract him. It didn’t. 

“Did something else happen at school today?” 

“No.” 

“I can tell when you’re lying, you know.” 

“Okay, but do you care? I’m trying to eat a bowl of pudding off your naked body.” 

“You plan to eat the whole bowl?” 

“Yes.” 

“You can’t have it until you tell me.” 

“Arthur, it’s nothing.” 

“So that means it’s something.” 

“I’ve ruined senior prom.” 

Arthur twisted his fingers in Merlin’s hair and pulled his head back. “What?” 

“I’ve ruined the prom. I didn’t reserve the hotel in time, and now it’s not available.” 

“So use another one.” 

“Thanks, Arthur, I never would have thought of that.” Merlin settled against the pillows, too depressed even for the combination of pudding and Arthur’s body. “There aren’t any hotels available on the night we already announced and in our price range. Our budget is pretty limited.” 

“Why didn’t you get the reservation?” 

“I forgot. And now everybody is pretty much going to hate me.” 

“What has Gaius said?” 

“Nothing, because I haven’t told him. Are you kidding me? I’ve already heard enough from him. I don’t need to hear another round of why you’re such a bad influence on me.” 

Merlin didn’t realize what he’d said until Arthur looked away sharply. “I didn’t know he thought that about me.” 

“Oh, he doesn’t. I mean, he doesn’t think anything bad about you. It’s nothing, Arthur. Who even cares what he thinks?” 

Arthur sighed. “Am I the reason you forgot to make the hotel reservation?” 

“No. Not directly.” 

“So what do you need? A ballroom?” 

“That’d be ideal, yes.” 

“Okay. Consider it done.” 

“What? How?” 

“There’s a ballroom at the top of Pendragon Tower. I’m sure my father will agree if I ask him.” 

Merlin’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “Are you serious?” 

“No, Merlin, I’m joking.” 

“Oh my god, Arthur, if you could really do this, I’d…I’ll do anything you want. I’ll even share this pudding with you.” Merlin flung himself at Arthur, and would have toppled them both off the bed if Arthur hadn’t caught him. “You’re sure your dad would let us?” 

“Yeah, I don’t see why not. Don’t worry, Merlin, I’m not going to let the whole senior class try to run you out on rails. Plus, you have enough to worry about without this.” 

“I love you.” 

Merlin just said the words that might begin to summarize the riot of emotions that Arthur inspired in him, especially in that moment. But neither one of them had ever said it before, and Merlin froze, watching Arthur’s face warily. It couldn’t have been a surprise to him, but Merlin still braced himself. 

“Do you…do you mean that or are you just swept up in the excitement of planning the prom?” 

Merlin licked his lips, suddenly very aware that he was laying on Arthur and their faces were only a few inches apart. “I mean it.” 

“Say it again.” 

“I love you,” Merlin repeated, still a little unsure of where this was going. 

Arthur flipped him onto his back, his leg fitting between Merlin’s thighs, his hips pressing down on him. “Merlin…” 

He claimed Merlin’s mouth, sinking into the kiss until Merlin whimpered and gripped Arthur’s shoulders. Arthur cupped the sides of Merlin’s head, his large hands cradling him gently, his thumbs moving in slow circles over Merlin’s cheekbones. Merlin bucked his hips, his cock hardening against Arthur’s thigh. 

“I love you, Merlin. I’ve been wanting to say it.” 

Oh, Arthur, why didn’t you? Arthur’s mouth descending on his again stopped him from asking the question, but he thought he knew the answer. He slid his hands lower on Arthur’s back, molding his hands against the flexing muscles until he reached his ass. Merlin cupped both cheeks, fingers dipping between the flesh to find his hole.

“Merlin…” 

“I’m not doing anything.” 

“Yes you are. What did I say?” 

“But what about special occasions? We love each other and you’ve just saved my life. I pretty much have to have sex with you now. That’s how it works in movies. Besides, I’ve done all my work for the day.” 

To his credit, Arthur really did try to resist temptation, but in the end, Merlin’s persuasive powers were too strong for him. His resolution wasn’t even a week old yet, but they were both more than ready to break it. Merlin stayed on his back, marveling at the sight of Arthur spreading lube over Merlin’s cock. But that was nothing compared to the sight of Arthur fucking himself with two fingers, kneeling over Merlin’s thighs, erection jutting against his stomach. Merlin touched Arthur everywhere he could reach, caressing his chest, palming his balls, stroking his cock and spreading the pre-come around his crown. 

When he felt himself sufficiently stretched, he grasped the base of Merlin’s cock and angled it towards his entrance. Merlin bit his lip and curled his fingers in the blanket, holding himself stiffly as Arthur sank back until the head pushed through the tight muscle. The heat and pressure took Merlin’s breath away, and he’d never seen a more beautiful sight than Arthur arching his back and pushing down until Merlin was fully sheathed. 

“Merlin…fuck…” He swiveled his hips. “You feel so good.” 

“So do you…so do you…move Arthur please move please. I can’t…I just need…” 

Arthur obediently shifted his hips, sliding up Merlin’s body, pressing their mouths together. Merlin moaned into the kiss, lifting off the bed so he could thrust back into Arthur’s body. He might have wanted Arthur to move, but he couldn’t stand to lose an inch of that tight grip, of the incinerating heat of Arthur’s body. They shared breath, the kiss fading but their mouths still touching, catching each other’s moans and grunts. Arthur’s teeth occasionally scraped against his lips, and once Merlin had to seal their mouths together to keep from shouting right in Arthur’s ear. 

Merlin gripped Arthur’s cock, squeezing his wet shaft without stroking him. Arthur throbbed around him and above him and against his palm. Merlin loved that he could feel Arthur’s blood thrumming through him, feel the life pulsing beneath his skin and the steady, strong beat of his heart. He loved that Arthur clearly loved Merlin’s cock and the way he made him feel. He loved every inch of Arthur, loved every breath and sigh, loved the shape of his mouth and his nose and cheeks and eyelashes. Loved him more fiercely with each second, the emotion building on itself, looping through him again and again until he shattered with Arthur’s name on his lips. 

 

#

rthur and Uther spent a lifetime perfecting the art of avoidance. Uther hovered on the fringes of Arthur’s life, a great imposing figure who seemed to know everything and who existed everywhere and nowhere at once. They danced around each other for their own reasons. Arthur’s were simple. He learned at a young age that it was much easier for him if he simply didn’t attract his father’s attention. Every decision was the wrong one, every action a disappointment. But Uther only attacked when provoked, and if Arthur didn’t give him a reason to notice his poor grades, lack of social life, lack of ambition, and homosexuality, then Uther wouldn’t go out of his way to mention those things. 

They’d held a tentative peace since the winter vacation and Arthur’s broken leg. Arthur had honestly expected Uther to raise hell after the midterm when failing notices were sent out. When Uther hadn’t mentioned it, Arthur had quietly thanked his lucky stars and went on obsessing over Merlin. Speaking to Uther for any reason would invite an altercation, and if he wanted to save the day for Merlin, he would need to hold his temper and bite his tongue. Which meant taking Uther’s litany of frustrations without saying a word to defend himself. But that would only continue for a few hours, and when it was over, he’d be rewarded with Merlin’s pleasure. 

Arthur never considered changing his mind or going back on his promise. No matter how unpleasant the task, disappointing Merlin would be worse. Merlin trusted him, loved him, and Arthur wanted to prove himself worthy of his affection. He’d sooner die than give Merlin one reason to lose faith in him. 

Arthur rehearsed the conversation over and over while he waited for Uther. He’d explain that the hotel originally booked had sustained water damage and cancelled the reservation. Uther would retaliate with all the reasons why Arthur was a terrible son. Arthur would tuck his tail between his legs like a chastised puppy and be the very picture of contriteness. Then Uther would yell until he was bored of it, agree to lend the space to the school, and send Arthur on his way. All in all, Arthur believed it a solid plan. 

Uther came in around eleven. Arthur heard him in the kitchen, making himself a pot of coffee. He swallowed the automatic knot in his throat and left his room, walking into the kitchen as casually as he could. 

“I didn’t expect to see you tonight,” Uther greeted. 

Arthur took a deep breath. “You’re home earlier than usual.” 

“I have an early meeting with the east coast office. Do we have anything decent to eat?” 

Arthur shrugged, relieved Uther didn’t know about the missing pudding. “I was going to make myself a sandwich.” Not true, but he’d take any excuse to have a sandwich, and softening Uther with food may be worth a try. “Want one?” 

“Yes, thanks,” Uther said, settling on one of the barstools at the island. Arthur studied his father from the corner of his eyes as he opened the fridge, noting there was more gray in his hair and fresh lines around his mouth. He looked older than Arthur remembered, looking like a man ten years older even though he still ran his business like a man half his age. “How is your leg? You’ve been attending your physical therapy sessions?” 

“My leg is good. I’ve been going three times a week. I should be off the cane soon.” 

“Will you have time to salvage your soccer season?” 

Arthur hadn’t given a second thought to soccer. Practice, conditioning, and playing would take up countless hours every week, and Arthur would honestly rather spend that time with Merlin. As far as Arthur was concerned, no goal or victory was half as much fun as getting on his knees for Merlin. 

“No, unfortunately. It’ll be too late by the time I get the okay from the physical therapist.” 

“That is unfortunate. What about schools? Any news from them?” 

“Most of the letters will go out in April,” Arthur answered, head down while he carefully spread mayonnaise over the thick slice of sourdough. 

“And what news do you think those letters will have for you?” 

Arthur swallowed. He’d waited too long to make his request. “I’ve got a good shot at being recruited at a few different schools.” 

“There are schools that…” 

“Arthur.” 

Arthur layered thin slices of roast beef of the bread, carefully placing them in thoughtful layers. Arthur had definite opinions about sandwiches, including the best way to layer roast beef. He didn’t allow Merlin to watch him make sandwiches anymore because he was always too impatient, grousing while Arthur labored to create perfection. Maybe he could work in a deli for the rest of his life. Surely he was qualified enough for the grocery store. 

“Are you even going to graduate?” Uther demanded. “Or are you still failing all of your courses?” 

“I fell behind at the beginning of the semester…” 

“I spoke to Dr. Gaius and requested a detailed progress report.” 

Oh. That was why Uther had left his office in time to catch Arthur. And Arthur had gone and made it easy for him by offering to make a fucking sandwich. Now he was trapped, and if he wanted to salvage the conversation at all, he had to stay there and take whatever abuse Uther felt inclined to dish out. 

“You spoke to him?” 

“Yes. He’s also very concerned about your current situation. We’ve decided a conference with your teachers is in order.” 

“A conference? That’s not necessary.” 

“Yes, it is, Arthur. I had hoped that you would be responsible enough to do something as simple as graduate high school, but I see now that I shouldn’t have been so optimistic. The meeting is tomorrow afternoon at two.” 

“And will you be attending this meeting, or will it be a conference all?” Arthur asked. 

Uther’s lips thinned. “I will be attending. And you will be there at two o’clock sharp if you know what’s good for you.” 

Between the two of them, it was far more likely that Uther would be the one tardy or absent. He bit his tongue to stop himself from saying so, but the injustice of it pricked at the back of his neck. He heard the resentment in his father’s tone, as though he couldn’t believe Arthur was so inconsiderate as to need his intervention. But he had never forgiven Arthur for his inconsideration in being born. 

“I’ll be on time.” He slid the sandwich across the counter. “I wanted to talk to you about something. A favor.” 

Uther arched his brow. “Really? Let me make something clear to you, Arthur. You are eighteen years old now, you’re in danger of flunking out of high school, and you have no discernable skills or job experience. You have very few favors left from me if you don’t turn things around. Do you understand me?” 

“Yes. There’s been water damage at the hotel they booked for the senior prom. They can’t find a new venue. I was wondering if we could use the ballroom at the Tower.” 

Uther’s lips thinned and he fixed a calculating eye on Arthur. “Why are you involved with this?” 

“My friend is the class president. He was the one who told me about it.” 

“Who is this friend?” 

“Merlin Emrys.” 

“I’ve never heard of him before.” Which was Uther’s way of saying he didn’t know Arthur had any friends, and he wasn’t quite convinced the boy existed now. 

“We didn’t really get to know each other until this year.” 

“Very well. I’ll include a donation to the class as well.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Put Merlin in touch with Mary to work out the details.” 

“I will.” 

“It’s just a shame you didn’t get involved like this before, Arthur. Maybe taking on some responsibility would have been good for you.” 

“I’ve taken on plenty of responsibility,” Arthur ground out. 

“Do you mean with your football team? God knows, Arthur, that I was relieved you found something you actually cared about. But you didn’t care about it enough to make a real effort, did you?” 

“We only lost two games this year,” Arthur said. “We went to the state championship.” 

“You lost that game, Arthur. And you never did enough to attract any attention from scouts. Anybody else would have taken advantage of the opportunity, but you never even tried.” 

Uther couldn’t have hurt him more if he struck him in the face. Arthur knew he could be lazy at times, and even downright apathetic. But he’d always done his best for the football team, always gave one hundred percent. What Uther viewed as lack of effort was merely lack of talent. Either way, Arthur supposed he shouldn’t be surprised that his great accomplishment was nothing more to Uther than another example of Arthur’s failure. 

“I’m going to bed. Got a long day tomorrow,” Arthur mumbled. 

“You have nothing else to say for yourself?” 

Arthur’s hand clenched into a fist. “What do you want me to say?” 

“Perhaps you could explain to me what is going on in your head, Arthur. I’ve been trying to work it out all day and I simply don’t understand.” 

Arthur didn’t have anything to say for himself. He didn’t have an explanation or an answer. He couldn’t tell Uther what he’d been thinking or what he was now planning. He didn’t have any of the answers, and it didn’t matter how much Uther glared at him. 

“It’s a little bit late to be having this conversation, isn’t it?” 

“You’re right, Arthur. I should have realized sooner that I would have to hold your hands through the entire process. Go to your room. We’ll discuss this more tomorrow.” 

Arthur gratefully took the opportunity to leave the room, fleeing the kitchen without his sandwich. At least he had good news to deliver to Merlin. 

Talked to Uther he agreed now get some sleep.

OMG! That’s great! Thank u thank u thank u. Then a few seconds later. Love u 

Arthur sighed, staring at the message for several seconds before responding with the same sentiment. Arthur could feel good about what he’d just accomplished, but he knew it was a very small effort in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps literally the least he could do to make Merlin’s life better after he’d nearly destroyed it. Merlin was very careful not to blame Arthur for his current situation, and Arthur appreciated his kindness, but in the end they both knew who was responsible for shifting the direction of Merlin’s life. Before Arthur, he’d been popular and successful. After Arthur, his entire future was in jeopardy. 

Unlike Merlin, Arthur didn’t have it in him to turn everything around and suddenly raise all of his grades to Cs. Merlin’s teachers had been more than eager to help him create a plan to finish and submit his homework, but none of Arthur’s teachers would go out of their way to piss on him if he were on fire. He’d never given them reason to care one way or another about Arthur’s ultimate fate. 

He may not graduate high school. Uther would no doubt kick him out if he failed to walk on graduation day. Where would he go? Where would he work? How would he live? These were all questions he should have been asking himself for months, if not years, but he’d never felt their weight before. 

There had to be a solution. Nobody was going to fix this for him, not even his own father. He had to find a way to fix it himself. 

#

Uther wasn’t late to the conference. In fact, Arthur was summoned from his class fifteen minutes early, and when he reached Gaius’s office, Uther was already waiting for him. Over the following ninety minutes, each one of Arthur’s teachers came in to repeat what they’d already said in the progress reports. Arthur was failing, Arthur was already so far behind he may not be able to get caught up again, Arthur was fucked. 

Arthur felt like he was on trial. Gaius sent him the occasional sympathetic glance, but he never acknowledged the older man. He sat with his arms folded, staring straight ahead, not really listening to what they all had to say. He could tell that a few of them took great pleasure in reporting his zeroes, his tardies, his absences. Uther’s face darkened with each subsequent report, and Arthur realized he hadn’t really looked at the progress reports. Despite knowing things were bad, Uther hadn’t been fully aware of the extent of the problem. 

“I’m sure all of Arthur’s teachers would agree he’s bright. He just doesn’t apply himself,” Gaius said, once they heard the final verdict on his math class. She didn’t even think he could pass Algebra 2. She suggested he stay for summer school and retake geometry. Uther’s mouth had pulled into a silent snarl at that. He looked at Arthur then, eyes full of bitter disappointment and indignation. How dare you the steely depths seemed to say. How dare you call yourself a Pendragon? 

“What do you suggest?” Uther asked. 

“He may have to repeat his senior year at this rate.” 

“No,” Arthur cut in, speaking for the first time that afternoon. “No, I’m not going to stay here for another year.” 

“Arthur, you simply have too many failing grades.” 

“I’m not staying here for another year,” Arthur repeated firmly. “In fact, I’m not staying here for the rest of this year.” 

Uther tensed, his voice deceptively calm when he asked, “You’re dropping out?” 

“I’m eighteen. Legally, I don’t have to be here anymore.” 

“Arthur, legally, of course, you’re right. But you need to think about how this will impact the rest of your life.” 

“I have. I cut my first period today and went to Martinez.” Arthur took a deep breath. “I enlisted in the US Marine Corps. You don’t need to graduate high school, you just need to have your GED. I’m on a deferred enlistment until I pass the test.” 

Both men stared at him, but it was Gaius who spoke first. “You’ve already signed the contract?” 

“I have.” 

“Without even consulting me?” Uther asked. 

“What was there to consult you about? I’m a legal adult and you already told me that you weren’t going to help me out. I’m going to fail this year. That’s just reality, and it doesn’t matter how many conferences we have to discuss the issue. What other choice did I have?” 

“Arthur, that was a very rash decision.” 

“It’s already done,” Arthur said, cutting Gaius off from a lecture, still smarting from the revelation that he thought Arthur a bad influence on Merlin. 

Merlin. Who was sitting in English right now without a single clue about what was happening in Gaius’s office. Arthur still hadn’t figured out the best way to tell Merlin what he’d decided, though he thought it was good that he’d already enlisted. Now nobody could try to convince him to change his mind. Uther wouldn’t have been successful in the attempt, but Merlin would have just had to look at Arthur with his big, blue eyes and that would be it. Merlin would be angry at him, and Arthur regretted that more than any other consequence of this decision, but in the end, he hoped Merlin would understand. He hoped Merlin would see that this truly was the best choice for him. 

Arthur hadn’t slept at all the night before as he considered the decision. What it all came down to was the simple fact that he had nothing to offer Merlin. What was he going to do? Flip hamburgers while Merlin went to Harvard? Smother Merlin with his love until neither one of them had a life outside the other? Try to pretend that he was worthy of Merlin while they both knew better? And then, when the pretense was over, what would happen to him? Sooner or later, Merlin would come to his senses about what a loser Arthur was. And if Arthur took a fifth year to finish high school, Merlin’s epiphany of Arthur’s true nature would be much, much sooner than Arthur would like. 

Once Arthur compiled a list of his interests and abilities, it became clear that his options were limited. But he knew military history. He’d scored very high on his ASVAB test, and according to his research, his score was good enough to qualify him for almost every job in the Corps. Despite his leg, he was at top physical condition. He didn’t fear hard, physical labor. And there was something intrinsically satisfying about the thought of serving his country. He’d never been the kind to wave flags and announce his patriotism, but Arthur was patriotic in his way, and obviously deeply loyal to the military he spent so much of his life studying. 

If anything, Uther should have been surprised that Arthur hadn’t already planned to enlist after graduation. 

“Arthur, the GED is not a simple test. It’s going to take a great deal of hard work to prepare to take it. Have you already registered?” 

“I have. I’m taking it May 4th.” 

“I can help you find a tutor,” Gaius said. “There’s also classes you could take through private organizations like Kaplan.” 

“Thanks, but this isn’t really any of your business anymore.” 

“Arthur, I’m only trying to help.” 

“I don’t want it.” 

“No,” Uther cut in. “But you need it. And you will take it, if you wish to stay another night in my house. If you must do this, Arthur, you should take the time to do it correctly.” 

“Then I’ll move out.” 

“Where will you live? Your car?” 

Arthur lifted his chin. “If that’s necessary. Do you really think that kicking me out will actually improve my chances of passing the GED?” 

“I have no reason to believe that you will pass it on your own, Arthur. Judging from your past performance, it may not even be fair to assume you’re literate.” 

Gaius cleared his throat. “Arthur, most of the tutoring will cover test taking strategies that will help you improve your score. While your grades have always been lackluster, I have no reason to think you’re incapable of passing the exam. Mr. Pendragon, I would suggest that a young man in Arthur’s position needs stability more than anything else. The stress of losing his home would be sufficient to distract him from accomplishing his objective.” 

“Yes, of course you’re correct,” Uther said through gritted teeth. “As you can imagine, this has been a very trying afternoon for me. Oh, if you’ll excuse me…” He took his iPhone from his pocket. “I need to take this call.” 

The atmosphere in the room changed as soon as Uther stepped out of the room, and Arthur found it much easier to take a deep breath. Gaius studied him with thoughtful eyes, and Arthur thought he saw something there besides curiosity. Maybe something like respect. 

“Does Merlin know about this?” 

Arthur did not expect Gaius to start with that. “No.” 

“For what it’s worth, Arthur, I support your decision. I think you made the right choice, and I want to do what I can to help you succeed.” 

“Even if I’m not one of your students anymore?” 

“Oh, Arthur, you’ll always be one of my students. I only wish that I could have helped you more.” Gaius drummed his fingers against the desk. “Merlin has a great deal of faith in you, you know. He thinks very highly of you. And I think I’m beginning to see why.” 

Arthur flushed under the unexpected compliment. “Do you think he’ll understand?” 

“Merlin is a very thoughtful boy. I think after he gets over his surprise, he’ll understand. But…he may not reach that understanding right away. If I may ask, why the Marines?” 

“I wanted to be one of the best.” 

“You know that you will probably be sent to Iraq or Afghanistan, yes?” 

“I know. I’m not stupid, Gaius. And I’m not afraid, either.”

Gaius smiled a little. “No, of course not.” 

Arthur stood. “Uther’s not going to come back. He’s probably forgotten why he’s even here instead of at the office. I’m done here, right? I don’t need to go back to my classes or anything, do I?” 

“No, I’ll take care of everything.” Gaius stood as well. “If you change your mind about the tutor, call me. In fact, if you need anything at all, feel free to let me know.” 

Arthur shook his hand and promised he would call, but as far as Arthur was concerned, this was goodbye. 

#  
Arthur decided to give himself the rest of the week with Merlin, torn between the desire to put off the conversation as long as possible and the knowledge that Merlin deserved the truth. After the initial rush of making the decision, doubts crawled through his mind. Small, worm-like things that would fit into the nooks and corners and burrow in so deep, Arthur couldn’t pluck them out again. He still felt in his heart that he had done the right thing, but Arthur had learned that it was possible to be right and still feel wrong. 

The worst part was thinking about the enforced separation. He had an entire lifetime with Merlin, and he had wasted ninety-nine percent of that time and for what? Cowardice. Arthur was tired of being a coward, and he knew if he wanted to get his life on track, he had to stop being afraid, had to stop hiding from anything that might be awkward or unpleasant, or painful. Risks were worth taking. Merlin had taught him that, if nothing else.

He took Merlin to the city on Saturday night, eager to give Merlin a wonderful date with Uther’s credit card. They ate in the Castro district, strolled around to check out the shops, paused to study the wares the street vendors sold. Merlin cracked jokes, smiled at everything Arthur said, and was enthused over everything. He became enraptured with the thought of seeing the bay at night, so Arthur allowed himself to be dragged to Fisherman’s Wharf, even though it was nothing but a tourist trap. Merlin didn’t care about that, of course. He even claimed that he liked the overpriced crap they sold in all the shops and the endless barking from the harbor seals on Pier 39. 

“You hate every second of this, don’t you?” Merlin asked as they wandered through the crowd, hand in hand because there was nobody to hide from there. 

“Yes.” 

“You could have said ‘No, Merlin, I hate that place.’” 

“Then you would have looked at me with puppy dog eyes, and I would have given in anyway.” 

“You are a bit of a pushover. Do you want some ice cream?” 

“Is that your way of telling me to buy ice cream?” 

“It’s my way of asking.” 

“What flavor?” 

“Triple chocolate brownie.” 

Arthur ordered two triple-scoop ice cream cones, and promptly forgot to eat his while he watched Merlin lap at the dark chocolate, his pink tongue darting out between stained lips. How violently would Merlin react if Arthur knocked the ice cream out of his hand and attacked his mouth? He’d definitely be disappointed about losing his dessert, but he might forgive Arthur if the kiss was good enough. 

“You know it freaks me out when you stare at me like that,” Merlin finally said. 

“Like what?” 

“Like you’re going to knock this ice cream right out of my hand and ravish me in front of everybody.” 

“You’re actually pretty good at reading my intentions.” 

“That’s because I know you better than anybody. Don’t trash my ice cream, please. It’s quite tasty. You should eat yours before it melts.” 

Arthur grudgingly brought his cone to his mouth, but the cookies in the cookies and cream felt like grit against his tongue. It definitely didn’t taste as good as Merlin’s lips would. They walked the length of the wharf and found a bench at the end of the pier, facing the Golden Gate Bridge. Boats glowed brightly on the inky water, and the hill on opposite side blazed with light. It was still chilly at night, the cool breeze pushing in off the water. Merlin tried to pretend it wasn’t bothering him, but Arthur could see he was shivering. He wrapped an arm around Merlin’s shoulder and pulled him close, using his broader body to shield Merlin from the cooler air. 

“Thanks. Why are you always so warm? You’re like a furnace.” Merlin rested his head on Arthur’s shoulder, probably wiping chocolate off on Arthur’s white shirt in the process. Arthur kissed the top of his head. “Tonight’s been fun. Just what I needed after this week.” 

“Did you stick to your plan?” 

“I did. I’m nearly completely caught up in Government. French is more of a struggle, but I persevere.” Merlin snuggled closer and contentedly nibbled on his waffle cone. “It helps that I have you to look forward to.” 

“Merlin…” Arthur tossed the rest of his cone over the concrete barrier, his appetite completely gone. “I have something I need to tell you.” 

“What?” 

Arthur guided Merlin’s head back to his shoulder, wanting to prolong the contact as long as possible. Plus, this would be easier to say if Merlin wasn’t watching him. He rested his mouth on Merlin’s hair and closed his eyes, lost in the warm scent of Merlin’s skin, which he now knew was definitely cinnamon and not, as he’d first thought, pumpkin. He felt so fiercely protective of Merlin, so jealous and greedy for his attention, that sometimes it frightened him. 

“When progress reports went out, Uther actually saw them. When he realized I might not graduate, he told me that if I failed to get my diploma, he’d kick me out of the house.” 

Merlin jerked back, his cheeks and eyes blazing with righteous anger. “What? He would never do that.” 

“He would. He might not want to, but now that he’s said it…well, he can’t go back on it now.” 

“How far behind are you? We can work together and…” 

“No, Merlin. That’s not…I couldn’t even ask you to do that. You have so much to do, trying to help me would just set you back even further.” 

“Then what are you going to do? Hire a tutor? Take summer classes?” 

“No. I can’t get caught up now, Merlin, and I don’t want to take courses over the summer. Or next year. I can’t even…I’d end up living in my car and retaking geology. No thank you.” 

“There must be something we can do, Arthur. It’s not too late.” 

“Well, there is something. I…Merlin I enlisted in the Marines. I’m going to take my GED and as soon as I pass that test, I’ll be going to San Diego for training.” 

Merlin broke away from Arthur’s grasp, his ice cream now forgotten as well. “You what? You’ve already enlisted? Like, you’re committed to this?” 

Arthur nodded. 

“And you didn’t even tell me? You didn’t even talk to me about it? Oh my god, are you breaking up with this me?” 

“What? No, no, of course not. Merlin, I know this is going to change everything, but things between us…I thought…I hoped…they would be the same.” 

“They can’t be the same if you’re in the Marines. You’ll be gone. How long will you be gone?” 

“I signed up for three years.” 

“Three years? Three years? Arthur…you’re going to leave for three years. You could be deployed. You could die.” 

“I know. I thought of that, Merlin. I thought of everything.” 

“Everything except talking to me. Did you talk to anybody about this?” 

“No.” 

“How could you make this decision without mentioning it to anybody?” 

“Who would I have talked to? Uther had already threatened to kick me out of the house. Gaius thinks I’m just this bad influence.” 

“Me! You could have talked to me Arthur. You could have called me after your fight with Uther. You could have told me about the grades. Why wouldn’t you talk to me?” 

“Because this is my mess and I’m the one who should fix it.” 

“Arthur…you don’t have to fix everything by yourself.” 

“What would you have suggested? That I stick around through summer? That I stay an extra year?”

“I would have thought of something besides you leaving for three years. That’s…that’s going to ruin us, Arthur.” 

“Only if we let it. Besides, what do you think would happen to us if you went off to Harvard of Berkeley and I stayed back to finish Algebra 2 and Geology? Do you really think we could survive that? How would you feel when you told all your new college friends that your boyfriend is so stupid he couldn’t even graduate high school? Or would you be too ashamed to mention me at all?” 

Merlin sucked his breath in sharply. “You’re not stupid, Arthur.” 

“I must be.” 

“No.” Merlin took his hand, fingers wrapped tightly around his. “You’re not.” 

“It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m sorry, Merlin. I know you’re upset, and you have every right to be. But…you deserve better than who I am right now.” 

“That’s not true.” Merlin wiped his face with the back of his hand, but he didn’t release Arthur first. Merlin’s hot tears scalded his skin, burning him like tiny drops of hot oil. “I know who you are, Arthur. I can see the goodness in you, and how much you really do care, you just…pretend that you don’t.” 

“If you see that, then you must know why I had to do this. Why I didn’t have a choice.” 

“What am I supposed to do without you? What am I supposed to do when you’re gone and I can’t see you? How am I supposed to let you go, Arthur? How am I supposed to function or do anything when all I can think about is you getting hurt or worse?” 

“I think there are worse things than death.” 

Merlin released him suddenly, the gesture almost violent. “That’s real easy for you to say, Arthur. But you’ll never make me believe it. You’ll never make me believe there’s anything worse than you’re death. Can’t you see?” 

“Can’t you? You’ve got the whole world open to you, Merlin. You’re so smart, and you’re so friendly, and you’re so fucking special. I’ve spent my whole life wishing I could just a fraction as…as good as you. And what have I got? What the fuck have I got? Money? That’s not mine, it’s all my dad’s. You? Trust me, you’re smart enough to figure out what a loser I am.” 

“But you’re not…” 

“Then let me prove it!” 

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” 

“I meant what I said earlier. About the two of us.” 

“Things have to change. We’re going to be thousands of miles apart and you…fuck, Arthur, you’re not even allowed to be gay.” 

“Maybe, but they can’t stop me from being in love with you. And when my tour of duty is up, I’ll find you.” 

“How long until you leave?” 

“I’m registered to take the test at the beginning of May. If all goes to plan, I’ll leave for San Diego in mid-June.” 

“So soon.” 

“I thought it was better that way.” 

Merlin sighed. “I can’t…I can’t talk about this anymore right now.” 

“Do you want me to take you home?” 

“I think that might be for the best.” 

Merlin didn’t pull away from Arthur’s grip when he took his hand again, but there was a new tension in Merlin’s body. He held himself slightly away from Arthur, his shoulders rigid, his jaw jutting forward. He known Merlin would be angry. He’d been prepared for it. But that didn’t lessen the sting, and the doubt he felt before completely overrode every other thought. No matter how he tried, though, he couldn’t imagine a feasible alternative. 

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said, the words ripping out of his chest. “I’m sorry if I fucked this whole thing up. Just don’t…don’t hate me because of it.” 

Merlin responded by dragging Arthur down a narrow alley between two of the buildings. The seals were louder there, just feet away, in a dog pile on the shore. “Arthur Pendragon, listen to me. I will never, ever hate you. I couldn’t hate you. I’m really angry right now because I love you and I’m scared and…” 

“Merlin…” 

They both moved into the kiss at the same time, mouths still eager to express emotions they didn’t have words for. They clung to each other like drowning men, neither knowing just who was supposed to be rescuing who. Arthur tasted salt in the kiss, but he didn’t think the tears were Merlin’s alone. Normally, white-hot shame would overtake him at even the thought of crying, but he was terrified and so deeply in love he thought it might kill him. Did Merlin understand that? Did he feel the same way? Maybe they were both just as lost, and Arthur had only tricked himself into believing Merlin had it all together. Maybe everybody felt this lost, flailing and shouting in a vast ocean of indifference, and if he could just grab a hold of something, if he could just rest for a few minutes to catch his breath, he’d survive. 

“Come home with me.” Arthur kissed at Merlin’s cheeks, catching the tears with his tongue before they could travel any further. “Stay with me. Please.” 

“You know I can’t.” 

“I can’t stand to let you go tonight, Merlin.” 

Merlin’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “Okay. I don’t want to leave you.” 

Arthur didn’t feel triumph at the concession, just a ball of pulsing desperation settling low in the pit of his stomach. 

#

Neither one of them put into words what they wanted. Not until they were naked and wrapped around each other, Arthur settled over Merlin’s body, fingernails and teeth scraping across damp, flushed skin. Merlin buried his face in Arthur’s neck, the heat from his own breath warming his stained cheeks each time he exhaled. His head was swimming from the smell of Arthur’s sweat. Every time he remembered that Arthur would be leaving him, he bit down to stop the cry of protest, to punish Arthur, to do something. Arthur never pulled away from him, even when his back arched and he groaned out Merlin’s name like a plea. He was already covered in bruises from Merlin’s mouth, but he seemed to want them. Merlin liked the sight of them. He liked the color and the shape, the way they said property of Merlin. 

They both knew what was going to happen. Merlin could tell from each thrust of Arthur’s hips, the angle of his cock as it slid across Merlin’s belly. He could tell by the way they rocked together, the way they fought each other’s touch before conceding the battle and sinking into the heat of the caress. Merlin strained against Arthur, spine bending, hand going to his hip, his ass, his thigh, his chest. He couldn’t push Arthur away, even when he needed to catch his breath, and he couldn’t pull Arthur closer, even when he felt suddenly lonely, aching and empty. 

It wasn’t easy, the difficulty compounded by their frustration, by the way Merlin flinched away and Arthur’s hands trembled. The first slide of a well-lubricated finger into his ass made Merlin’s stomach tighten. He twisted and pushed back, letting Arthur sink in to the knuckle, stretching the virgin passage until the pain receded. Arthur took his time, patient though Merlin could feel the desire coursing through him, see it in his eyes. He always looked at Merlin like he was some sort of special treat, but there was fresh urgency now. There was a ticking clock above both of them, counting off the seconds until they would be separated. And how would they ever find each other again? 

You can’t leave, Merlin wanted to say with each kiss. You can’t leave me. Selfishness burned through him, made him hold on too tight, made him sob for more when Arthur twisted his hand and pumped his wrist. When Arthur added a second finger, Merlin welcomed the new burn that distracted him from the pain in his chest. He cupped the side of Arthur’s face, held him gently as he ravished Arthur’s mouth, letting his teeth cut Arthur’s lips, plunging his tongue between the cut and bleeding flesh. He pushed his fingers through Arthur’s hair, touched the nape of his neck, traced the shell of his ear, thrashed and bucked. 

The third finger was almost too much. Merlin dragged Arthur’s mouth from his and held him to his neck, shaking with relief when Arthur followed the silent command and bit into the tender flesh. The sharp sting of Arthur’s teeth distracted from the harsh burn spreading and consuming him. He sank deeper and deeper, and the pain fought for dominance, tearing Merlin in two different directions until it threatened to rip him apart. Arthur finally lifted his head, gasping for breath, his eyes glazed over and heavy. His swollen lips were gleaming, red and bruised, and maybe Merlin took a modicum of pleasure in the sight. Maybe the part of him that raged impotently at the stupidity of it all wanted to hurt Arthur a little bit, even if he really didn’t mean it. 

Merlin took the lube from him and poured it in a thick stream over Arthur’s shaft. He used both hands to spread it, dragging first his right and then his left palm down Arthur’s length. Arthur shuddered, bucking against Merlin’s hand, searching for more. His pre-come mingled with the lube, slicking the crown, his cock jerking hard each time Merlin stroked the tender skin. Merlin had never seen Arthur like this, holding himself back with all of his strength, blood rushing close to the surface of his skin, coloring it from his throat to his abdomen, drops of sweat clinging to his throat and shoulders. His fingers were still buried in Merlin, but he stopped moving except for an occasional twitch. 

“Arthur.” 

Arthur nodded, easing away from Merlin and gripping the base of his cock. Merlin wondered if it would be easier on his stomach, but Arthur clearly had his own ideas. He rolled away from Merlin and sat with his back propped against the wall. Merlin frowned at him in blurry confusion, his ears buzzing. Arthur tugged Merlin onto his lap, making him fold his legs against Arthur’s. He cupped both hands under Merlin’s ass and pulled him, his head tilting back to study Merlin’s face. Merlin reach behind him, curling his fingers around Arthur’s shaft and guiding the crown to his opening. 

From there it was just a matter of sinking down. Arthur let him control the pace, fingers strong but simply holding him. Merlin didn’t want to take it slow. He couldn’t, when this was all he wanted and there was so little time. His body tried to resist Arthur at first, but Merlin didn’t let the sharp sting deter him. He bent his head, finding Arthur’s mouth as he took the final inches of Arthur’s cock. 

“Oh my god…” 

“I love you,” Merlin gasped out, fingers digging into Arthur’s back. He rose up Arthur’s body again, his cock trapped between their stomachs, moving only a few inches before Arthur’s grip tightened. He froze, pleasure whipping through him at the slight tension. He couldn’t quite understand its source or purpose, but his pulse pounded more fiercely at his throat, his skin jumping with each rapid beat. Arthur thrust up, stealing back the few inches Merlin had gained, pushing in hard enough to make Merlin’s jaw snap close. 

Merlin relaxed into Arthur’s hold, biting his lip while he adjusted to the constant pressure. It was too much to take, but Arthur wasn’t letting him move and there was nothing to do except hold on. 

“I can’t believe how tight…Merlin…” Arthur dropped his head to Merlin’s shoulder, breathing harshly. 

“Gotta move…Arthur please.” 

Arthur jerked his head. Merlin chose to interpret that as yes, yes go ahead and slowly shifted upwards. This time he didn’t stop until only the tip was still encircled by his muscle, then Arthur snapped his hips, thrusting deep and stalling Merlin’s breath. His walls flexed and fluttered around Arthur, clenching tight, holding him in place. Merlin rotated his hips, surprised that he felt Arthur all the way up his back. 

The third time he shifted, Arthur didn’t fight him, but he did shiver when Merlin sank back. From there, Merlin controlled the rhythm completely, Arthur tense but pliant beneath him. Merlin tried to focus on his breathing, tried to stay relaxed, tried to hold Arthur inside of him for as long as possible. He kissed the top of Arthur’s head, burying his nose in his hair and wrapping his arms around his back. Arthur’s arms enfolded him, and there wasn’t an inch of space allowed between them. 

Merlin rode Arthur until he thought he would break, and then Arthur fisted his cock, and he did break. His eyes rolled back with pleasure and he fucked himself onto Arthur’s shaft harder and harder, head flung back. Come shot from him, splashing across Arthur’s chest, a few strands clinging to his throat. Merlin scooped some off with two fingers and brought it to Arthur’s mouth. Arthur tongued him without further encouragement, cleaning every bit of it away. This boy would eat come all day if he could and he’s going to be a Marine? On the heels of that thought was such a swell of affection that Merlin had to kiss him to keep from choking on it. 

Arthur burst inside of him, the sticky liquid filling Merlin’s channel and flowing back down Arthur’s shaft. As soon as Arthur went lax, Merlin collapsed on top of him, quite certain he would never move again. He felt Arthur sliding down the mattress, and they settled with their arms still around each other, their legs twined together. Merlin felt drained, hollowed out and exhausted. The bitter anger that twisted through him before was gone. It would probably hurt the next day, like the morning after a big cross country meet when everything ached. But for now, he felt okay. Calm. Like he might not dissolve into tears again. 

“Do you think you can talk about this now?” Merlin asked. 

“Do you think you can talk at all? I’m still feeling pretty speechless.” 

Merlin smiled a little. “I think I want to try.” 

“What’s left to say?” 

“Have you really dropped out of school?” 

“Yes. There was no point in sticking around, was there?” 

“And you’re going to take the GED?” 

“Yeah.” 

Merlin lifted his head. “Arthur…you see the problem here, don’t you?” 

“What?” 

“You can barely concentrate when you have the structure of school. What are you going to do if you’re left to your own devices all day without supervision?” 

Arthur stiffened. “So you don’t think I can do it either?” 

“I didn’t say that. Who thinks you can’t do it?” Arthur tried to turn away from him, but Merlin caught his jaw and forced his eyes forward again. “Who said that?” 

“Gaius offered to find a tutor for me, and Uther said that he’d kick me out if I didn’t take him up on it.” 

“Did you?” 

“No.” 

“Arthur.” 

“I’m smart enough to get my high school diploma.” 

“Yes, that’s true. You’re smart enough for a hell of a lot more than that. But the GED will probably cover a lot of information you’re not even remotely familiar with. Fuck, Arthur, what are you going to do if you fail that test?” 

“Merlin, I don’t want to think about this right now…” 

“Too bad.” 

“Not too bad. Can’t we talk about it tomorrow?” 

“No,” Merlin said, a little grumpy from Arthur’s surliness. This wasn’t pleasant for him, either, but he was not going to let Arthur fuck up this opportunity. Arthur needed help, and if he could put his own life on hold and give Arthur a crash course education, he would. But he couldn’t, so he had to help in other ways. “Please agree to the tutor, Arthur.” 

Arthur sighed. “Okay, I’ll talk to Gaius tomorrow.” 

Merlin smiled to himself and pillowed his head on Arthur’s shoulder. He knew he wouldn’t need to say anything else on the issue. Once Arthur told Merlin he would do something, nothing short of an act of God would stop him. 

“I think you’ll make a great marine. Even if you are queer.” 

Arthur huffed. “Thank you.” 

“I’ll help you study, too.” 

“But you have…” 

“Shh. I’ve got things under control. I’ll help you by devising a system of rewards and punishments.” 

“What’ll be my reward?” 

“You can blow me.” 

“What’s my punishment?” 

“You can watch while I jerk off.” 

“That’s not too bad.” 

“But you can’t touch me or yourself.” 

“At all?” 

Merlin shook his head. “Nope.” 

“You’re harsh.” 

“I have to make sure you stay focused.” 

“Like you’re so great at staying focused.” 

“I think it’s been shown more than once that I’m better at it than you.” 

“Is that so?” 

“Yes.” 

Arthur rolled Merlin onto his back and tilted his head, lips closing around Merlin’s nipple. He teased it with his tongue until it hardened. Merlin whimpered, his cock twitching with interest as Arthur sank his fang into the stiff flesh. “Can you focus when I do this?” 

“That’s…cheating.” 

“There are no rules to this. How can it be cheating?” 

“Don’t. I was trying to have a serious conversation.” 

“Keep talking. Stay focused.” 

Merlin’s throat felt tighter by the second. “You’re such a jerk.” 

Arthur slid his hand over Merlin’s stomach and palmed his growing erection. “I’m just trying to prove a point. You probably don’t even remember what we were talking about.” 

Merlin swallowed. “I remember. I just…I just…god, you win, you win. For whatever it’s worth.” 

“It’s worth a lot,” Arthur murmured, still licking at Merlin’s nipple. 

“Arthur? Three years isn’t that long, right?” 

“No, it’ll be over before you know it. I can visit you when I’m on leave. We can still email and call and…it won’t be any different than if we went to different schools.” 

Merlin swallowed the knot in his throat and nodded, deciding he would rather believe that lie than face the truth. 

#

Merlin made it back to his house by five thirty, which was a good half hour before Hunith usually woke up. It was cutting it close, but Merlin thought he gave himself enough of a window. He snuck through the backdoor, slipping into the kitchen and preparing for the careful choreography that would get him up to his bedroom without making a sound. He knew every weak point in the floor boards, and exactly how much pressure would make the stairs squeak. This was the first time he planned to use that knowledge to circumvent his curfew but…

“Merlin Emrys, where have you been?” 

Shit. 

Hunith stood in the doorway in her green bathrobe with the tattered edges and she was pissed. Merlin began summoning his resources, even though he knew it would be a futile effort. Hunith was immune to his charm, and had been since he was four—with rare exceptions. 

“I was with Gwen.” 

“I don’t know when you started lying Merlin, but you’re going to stop right now.” 

“But I…” 

“Do you think I didn’t call Gwen already? Apparently you forgot to let her know that she was your alibi. She said that she hadn’t seen you all day.” 

“I…I was with Arthur.” 

“Arthur?” 

Merlin nodded. “He’s…we’ve…” 

“He’s that boy you’ve been seeing?” 

Merlin nodded. 

“The boy that you never even told me about. Not that it took much thinking to figure out just what had gotten into you.” 

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how…I never even told you that I’m…and suddenly I was with Arthur. I’m sorry.” 

Hunith sighed. “I know you’re not a child anymore, Merlin. I know you’re going to have a personal life and a boyfriend. But don’t you dare frighten me like that ever again. I was worried you were dead on the side of the road somewhere.”

“I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“By the way, I’m your mother, I know you’re gay.” 

Merlin smiled sheepishly. “I’ll make you breakfast.” 

“Gwen told me that you bribed her with food, too.” 

“What else did Gwen tell you?” 

Hunith laughed. “I think you looked more scared now than when you realized your plan had been foiled.” 

“Well, it’s just…” The thought of Gwen and his mother talking always made him nervous. Gwen knew all of his secrets, kept all of his confidences, and generally had the power to destroy him. Not that he didn’t trust Gwen, but Hunith could be very sneaky, and Gwen did love to talk. 

“You don’t want your mother to be involved with your life?” 

“Oh, don’t say it like that. That’s not what I was thinking. Actually…” Merlin looked down and tried his sweetest I’m-really-very-sorry smile. “How mad are you right now? Can I talk to you about something?” 

“That depends. Does it involve failing grades?” 

Merlin shook his head. 

“Are you in any kind of trouble?” 

“No, of course not.” 

“What is it?” 

“I…I wanted to talk about Dad.” 

Merlin didn’t miss the flash of surprise on her face, or the concerned tilt of her eyes. “Sit down. I’ll put some coffee on.” 

Merlin wasn’t sure he was ready to have this conversation now, but he’d never really be ready for it. He just wanted to talk to somebody who would understand. Somebody who would help, and he couldn’t think of anybody better suited than his mother. Talking to her about it might mean coming clean about everything, which wasn’t an appealing prospect, but he could skirt around the facts as much as possible and make vaguely allusions when necessary. 

Hunith made frozen waffles while she waited for the coffee to finish. She hated them, but Merlin could eat a whole box at a time. If she was making him those for breakfast, she couldn’t be too angry, right? He hated upsetting her. He hated the thought of keeping her up all night with worry. He hated that Arthur did something to short-circuit his brain. Merlin wished the whole would could just revolve around his happiness and stop intruding so much on the bubble he was trying to live in with Arthur. 

Hunith put a plate with waffles and syrup in front of him, then brought the coffee and sat. “What’s going on?” 

“I…Arthur is…we’re…I love him.” 

“Is he good to you?” 

“Yes. He’s great. You’d like him, I think. He’s really…wonderful. I’ve never known anybody like him. He’s…he feels like…like he’s the other half of me. Like when we were Kindergarten and he stole my graham crackers, I should have just asked him to be my best friend instead of Will.” 

Hunith smiled a little. “Oh yes, I remember that feeling. Young love.” 

“It’s not just young love, though. Gaius said the same thing. But it’s not. There’s more to it. There’s more to us.” 

Her smile didn’t fade. “I know. I was your age when I met your father, remember.” 

“Yeah, so…you know what I’m talking about.” Merlin sipped carefully at his coffee, his tongue tingling from the heat. She put four sugars in it, just the way he liked it. “He’s really smart, but he hates school. Actually, I think he hates everything that’s not me and his Xbox. And last night he told me that he’s…he’s enlisted in the Marines.” Merlin released a shuddering breath. “And I’m so scared for him.” 

“Oh, Merlin…” 

“He didn’t even talk to me about it. He just…he thinks he’s so much less than he is. He thinks he has to do this.” 

“Maybe he does.” 

“He’s going to die,” Merlin whispered. 

“Merlin, no, he’s not…” 

“He is.” Merlin sniffed, his voice watery. “He’s going to be deployed and he’s…” 

“Merlin. Oh, Merlin, I know that it must be difficult to believe otherwise, but what happened to your father isn’t going to happen to Arthur.” 

“But there are two wars going on right now, Mom. I mean, I know that it’s just support troops in Iraq, but there’s still violence. It’s more dangerous for Arthur than it was for dad.” 

“Serving in the military is always dangerous. But there’s not a one hundred percent mortality rate. Marines come home to their families all the time.” 

“I know. I know that logically but…then I remember…” 

“Merlin, I’m going to blunt with you because I think that’s what you want to hear from me. You know what your choices are. You can accept that Arthur has made his decision and do your best to support him, and he is going to need all the support he can get, or you can walk away from him now. I won’t lie to you. It may save you some grief down the road. But you do have to choose.” 

“I’d never…I could never break up with him.” 

“It’s not going to be easy, Merlin. Long-distance relationships can be especially difficult at your age.” 

“But you did it, right? It is possible.” 

“It is, but it’s hard. What if you get lonely? What if he does? I won’t lie to you. Three years can feel like an eternity when you’re waiting for somebody.”

“I know. I feel like I’m completely boxed in, and no matter where I look, there’s another wall. I can’t ask him not to do it, I can’t pretend I’m happy about it. I can’t imagine breaking up with him, but I can’t imagine being alone.” 

“Perhaps you should just focus on school.” 

Merlin lifted his head sharply. “Are you going to tell me that me and Arthur have different paths? That I shouldn’t let him hold me down?” 

Hunith blinked. “Why would I say that?” 

“I don’t know. Gaius said it.” 

“I’m not going to tell you what you should feel about Arthur. I’m saying…when I first met your father, I was just a freshman in college and we were at a party. I went to a different party every night. I was a bit of a…social butterfly. But after he shipped out, I stopped doing that. I didn’t let anybody distract me from school. I missed him too much when I let myself think about him, so I didn’t think about anything except school. I graduated a semester early because of that.” 

“But…you stopped going to parties? Don’t you regret not socializing? Weren’t you lonely?” Merlin asked. 

“Merlin, knowing you, you’re going to find plenty of things to keep you busy.” 

“Too busy to miss Arthur.” 

“Too busy to find somebody who might replace Arthur.” 

“I wouldn’t!” 

“It’s easy to say that now. But when you’re lonely and tired and homesick, your mind can play tricks on you. That’s going to be especially true for Arthur.” 

Merlin wanted to protest again, but he understood what Hunith was saying. What if Arthur fucked somebody else? Would he tell Merlin? Would Merlin even want to know about it? What if Merlin got drunk and went home with a tall boy who had broad shoulders and blond hair? The thought of Arthur holding somebody else, letting somebody else fuck him, begging somebody else for more stung. Merlin couldn’t deny that. But at the same time, he couldn’t expect Arthur to live like a monk. Especially when he was wary of setting up such lofty expectations for himself. But that was just sex. What the two of them had was so much bigger than that. It was an inevitability. 

“Can I invite him over for dinner? I’d like you to meet him and I don’t think he’s ever had a family dinner in his life.” 

“Of course. But I reserve the right to break out the home movies and photo albums.” 

“Please don’t.” 

“Consider it your punishment for scaring me half to death.” 

“Can’t you just ground me or something?” 

“They aren’t that bad, Merlin. Some of those videos are adorable.” 

“That’s what I’m scared of.” 

“You can also spend the rest of the morning doing the dishes, the laundry, and the floors.” 

“But I’m tired.” 

“So am I. I bet you got more sleep last night than I did.” 

“When did you get so good with guilt?” 

“I don’t know. I’ve never had to resort to such underhanded tactics before.” 

Merlin smiled. “Will you make lasagna tonight?” 

“I don’t have anything I need for that.” 

“Please? Arthur lives off of chips and whatever random thing his housekeeper leaves him.” 

“So then he’d probably be equally impressed with shepherd’s pie. Which is what I planned to make tonight.” 

“Please? Please?” 

“If dinner’s at eight, I’ll need to get the sauce started by two. Should I have everything I need at two, I’ll make lasagna.” 

That meant Merlin needed to add a run to the grocery store to his list of chores. That was fine with him. His first favorite thing in the world was Arthur. His second favorite was his mother’s lasagna. He couldn’t think of a more perfect night. 

“Thanks, Mom. Now go get some sleep.” Merlin grinned. “You look terrible. Like you’ve got suitcases under your eyes.” 

“Ha ha.” 

“The house will be sparkling clean when you wake up!” 

“It better be.” 

“And I really am sorry.” 

Hunith stopped on her way out of the kitchen to kiss the top of Merlin’s head. “I know. Finish your breakfast.” 

#

Arthur didn’t have any experience to back this assumption up, but he was pretty sure that he was not good with parents. It stood to reason, since he wasn’t good with his own parent, or teachers, or any adults really. He tried to explain this to Merlin several times, but Merlin was having none of it. Once he told Arthur that Hunith wanted him over for dinner, he simply refused to entertain an argument. He employed underhanded methods, whispering to Arthur everything he wanted to do in his own bed, liberally sprinkling the conversation with terms like suck your cock and fuck you raw. 

There was a time not too long ago that Arthur wouldn’t have even cared what Hunith thought of him. Her opinion would have been meaningless, good or bad. But Arthur spent the afternoon consumed with anxiety, unable to stop himself from tallying all the faults she’d probably find in him. She wouldn’t like his attitude, his posture, his lack of manners. If he was lucky, she would see how much he adored her son. Unless she didn’t want other boys adoring her son. Arthur refused to consider that thought for long. Merlin hadn’t seemed worried about it, and Arthur wasn’t going to borrow trouble. 

Merlin told him to be there at eight for dinner, so he arrived at seven thirty, eager to be with Merlin again. Then he’d lingered in his truck for ten minutes, wondering if it was rude to arrive early, berating himself for being nervous when he was just going to have dinner with Merlin, and thinking about how wonderful it’d been to fall asleep with Merlin curled against him, so warm and smooth. He’d fought against the urge to sleep for a full hour, too absorbed by Merlin, who never stopped moving. He tapped his foot, twitched his fingers, jerked his wrist, tossed his head from side to side, rolled to his and then to his right, moaned and whimpered while his eyelids fluttered. Arthur had tucked him close to his body, half pinning him to the mattress until he finally stilled. 

At seven forty-five, Arthur found his resolve and marched to the front door. He hadn’t known if some sort of gift was expected or appropriate, so he stopped at the Ralph’s on the way and bought a random bouquet of flowers. As soon as Hunith opened the door, Arthur thrust them in her face with a gruff, “Hello.” 

“Ah, hello. You must be Arthur. Come in. Are these flowers for me?” 

“Yes. I…thought you might like them,” Arthur said lamely, disarmed by both her youth and her warm smile. He’d envisioned somebody with graying hair and wrinkles. Why had he expected somebody old and stern? Maybe because Gaius was a family friend and he seemed older than dirt. 

“I do. They’re beautiful.” 

“Is that Arthur?” Merlin’s voice carried from somewhere above him. 

“Yes,” Hunith shouted back. 

A second later, what sounded a herd of elephants stampeded through the second floor and down the stairs. Arthur barely had the chance to brace himself before Merlin leapt from the bottom and riser and into his arms. Arthur grunted, automatically closing Merlin in a tight embrace. 

“Hi. I thought you’d be here sooner.” 

“I had to stop.” 

“He bought me flowers,” Hunith said, holding up the bouquet. 

Arthur had no idea if Hunith liked the gesture, and Merlin’s smile was a thousand-watt, his eyes sparkling. “Come on. Let me show you around the house.” 

“Don’t be long, Merlin. I just took the lasagna out of the oven.” 

“We won’t be,” Merlin promised, clasping Arthur’s hand. “I’ll just give him the five-cent tour.” 

Silly Arthur thought he was actually going to get a tour of Merlin’s home. Instead Merlin pulled him into Hunith’s sitting room, cupped the sides of his head, and pressed their mouths together. Arthur opened to the kiss, inviting Merlin’s tongue with a soft moan. He licked at Merlin’s lips and teased his tongue, momentarily losing himself in Merlin’s familiar taste. When his cock twitched, he pulled away from the kiss with a sharp stab of regret. 

“That was sweet, you know. Buying the flowers.” 

“Well, I just wanted to make a good impression.” 

Merlin’s eyes softened, and he leaned in for another kiss. Arthur tried to tell him why it was a bad idea for the two of them to suck face while Hunith was only in the other room, but Merlin cut him off. Arthur gave in, wrapping his arms around Merlin and tuning out the rest of the world. He savored every second he had with Merlin, not taking any of their time together for granted. Even when his common sense was telling him to back away before he really lost control of himself and shoved his hand down Merlin’s pants, or dropped to his knees to mouth his cock through his jeans. 

“I’m sorry,” Merlin said before skimming his mouth over Arthur’s jaw. “But you’re so cute when you’re nervous.” 

“I’m not nervous.” 

“You’re not happy to be here, either.” 

“Of course, I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“I don’t know, but I can tell when you’re not comfortable. Don’t worry. It’s going to be fine.”

“What have you been doing all day?” Arthur roughly pulled Merlin closer and sniffed at his hair. “You smell weird.” 

“It’s probably the bleach. I’ve been cleaning all day. And generally being my mom’s slave.” 

“Why?” 

Merlin shrugged. “She caught me sneaking in this morning. She was kinda pissed at me for keeping her up all night, so I got stuck doing everything today.” 

He didn’t sound the least resentful about it. Arthur tried to imagine spending an entire Saturday at Uther’s beck and call, and he couldn’t even imagine what it would be like. He’d sooner jump out the window. 

“I’m sorry you got in trouble,” he offered. 

“It’s no problem. But if we’re going to do that again, you should probably stay here.” 

Arthur gaped at him. “Your mother would allow that?” 

“Well, not technically. But trust me, it’d be a hell of a lot easier to sneak you out than it would for me to sneak in. Come on. We better go sit down before she comes looking for us.” 

Arthur followed him to the dining area, which was just a half-room off the kitchen. The table was already set with a bowl of salad, another bowl of rolls, and the most beautiful lasagna Arthur had ever seen. His stomach growled at the sight, his hunger shifting away from Merlin to the feast laid out before him. Luann had made him lasagna once, but that was his only lasagna experience, besides the occasional noodle atrocity in elementary school. 

Merlin smiled and gestured at one of the chairs. Hunith cut into the cheesy casserole, and the scent sparked sharp hunger pangs. He forgot his trepidation, eager to dig into the food. 

“This is delicious,” he enthused after three large bites. “I’ve never had anything so good.” 

“Thank you, Arthur. That’s very kind.” 

Arthur finished his serving first, and Hunith graciously dished up a second one without waiting for Arthur to ask for more. 

“And I thought Merlin had a healthy appetite.” 

“I haven’t eaten all day,” Arthur said, which was partially true. He hadn’t had an actual meal all day.

“He eats like this all of the time. I hope they feed him enough in the Marines,” Merlin said. It sounded like it was meant to be a joke, but Merlin’s tone took turned somber at the end. 

“I’m sure they won’t starve me,” Arthur said with forced lightness. 

“Is there a particular reason you chose the Marines, Arthur?” Hunith asked before taking a dignified, even dainty, bite of her dinner. 

Arthur lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. “I’ve always been interested in the Marines. It seemed like the best fit for me.” That was Arthur’s practiced response. One he’d prepared just in case somebody did ask him why, and he didn’t want to confess that he really liked the uniforms. 

“How long did you enlist for?” 

“Three years.” 

Hunith nodded thoughtfully. “That’s how long Merlin’s father enlisted for. But he ended up staying for much longer than that.” 

Arthur frowned and looked over to Merlin, who’d stopped chewing and was slouching low in his chair. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware he served.” 

“Oh, yes, he was in the Air Force.” 

His frown deepened as the pieces started to fall together. Merlin never mentioned his father and Hunith kept referring to him in the past tense. Had he died in action? If so, why did Merlin never mention it? 

“Ah well, the Air Force was my second choice. If the Marines thing didn’t work out.” 

“I bet it was. Were your parents supportive?” 

Arthur shifted. “Yes, my father is very pleased.” 

“Mom, let him eat.” 

“No, it’s fine.” Arthur smiled a little. “Since I’ve already eaten half the pan.” 

“Do you want more?” 

“Yes,” he answered instantly. He didn’t even have to think about it.

The conversation was light for the rest of the meal, Arthur desperately searching for something to say that would impress her. Merlin kept talk away from Arthur’s enlistment and his family, though Arthur found that he really didn’t mind answering Hunith’s questions. She seemed genuinely interested in the answers, and he felt like he had her support. It was an odd feeling, considering that he only meant her, but he wasn’t really surprised. After all, she was Merlin’s mother. 

Arthur helped clear the table and volunteered to wash the dishes with Merlin and was rewarded with a pleased smile from Hunith and a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you. And thank you for joining us for dinner. I wish that I’d met you sooner.” 

Merlin had the grace to look sheepish at that. 

“She loves you,” Merlin said, as soon as they were alone. 

“Really?” 

“Yes. It probably helped that you tried to inhale her lasagna.” 

“It was great lasagna! I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me for so long.” Arthur began rinsing the dishes in the sink, knowing it would be easier to talk to Merlin if he wasn’t looking directly at him. “Why did you never mention your father?” 

“I…it never came up.”

“Merlin.” 

“I don’t talk about him much,” Merlin muttered as he opened the fridge. “I didn’t even really know him. I barely remember him.” 

“I didn’t know my mother,” Arthur admitted. “Morgana remembers her a little. But not much.” 

“What happened to her?” 

“She died when I was born. There were complications and I think…I think that my father had to choose between me and her.” 

“Did he tell you that?” 

“No, but Morgana told me she remembers there was talk and…I never had the courage to ask Uther about it.” Arthur methodically washed one of the plates, scrubbing until the sauce was long gone. He looked at his own reflection until he felt Merlin’s gentle touch on his shoulder. 

“My father was stationed in Saudi Arabia in 1996. There was a terrorist bomb in the building where he lived. He was one of nineteen who died. I was four.” 

“No wonder you didn’t seem thrilled when I told you I enlisted.” Arthur abandoned the sink and wrapped his arms around Merlin. Merlin leaned into his embrace, his arms going around Arthur’s waist. “Why didn’t you tell me, Merlin?” 

“I don’t know.” He took a deep breath then stepped back, reaching for Arthur’s hand. “Come on.” 

“What about the dishes?” 

“I’ll deal with them later.” 

Arthur didn’t protest again. He followed Merlin up the narrow stairs to his bedroom, eager to see Merlin’s private space. It was about ten times messier than Arthur expected, with clothes and books strewn from one end to the other. A giant purple owl took center space on the unmade bed, holding majestic court over the shoes, the papers, the rumpled sheets, and the T-shirts that also covered Merlin’s narrow mattress. 

“Do you ever clean in here?” Arthur asked. 

“It’s not that bad.” 

“It’s worse than that bad. There might be rats living in here.” 

Merlin rolled his eyes. “There aren’t any rats or pestilence of any kind.” 

“Merlin…how old is this bowl with milk in it?” 

“I don’t know. I didn’t eat breakfast up here this morning. Or yesterday.” 

Arthur grimaced. “Oh my god.” 

“Like your room is so much better.” 

“Merlin, Luann straightens and vacuums my room twice a week. I don’t think this carpet has ever seen a vacuum cleaner.” 

“Arthur, are you going to nag me about my room all night?” Merlin asked, unceremoniously dumping everything on his bed to the floor. Everything but the owl. “Come here.” 

“When was the last time you changed your sheets?” 

“What do you care? You’re not getting naked on them.” 

“I’m not?” 

“No. For one thing, my mom is still awake downstairs. For another thing, I wouldn’t want to gross you out.” 

Arthur sat on the newly cleaned bed. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s not that bad.” 

“I’m just too busy to clean.” 

Arthur nodded, but he didn’t think that was it. Merlin seemed at ease with the mess, avoiding piles of things under his feet and somehow not tripping over everything. He carefully opened the closet door, putting a hand up to stop the avalanche of crap that nearly fell on his head. Arthur didn’t know how he managed it, but he held the crap with half his body while straining around the pile to reach a box on the top shelf. He pulled it from the shelf, turned his body, closed the door and stepped away in a single motion that told Arthur he’d been pulling that move his entire life. 

Merlin carried the box over to the bed and pulled a picture frame out. 

“This is my parents on their wedding day.” 

Merlin’s father towered over Hunith, much thicker and broader than Arthur expected given Merlin’s slim build. He wore his formal dress, looking handsome and proud with his bride on his arm. Arthur recognized Hunith’s smile. It was the same wide, sweet expression Merlin wore at his happiest. 

“He’s handsome. I can see the resemblance.” 

“Really?” 

Arthur swallowed a sudden wave of affection. “Yes. Merlin…I think he’d be very proud of you.” 

Merlin looked up from the photograph, his eyes glistening. “You do?” 

“Yes. Why wouldn’t he be? You’re brilliant and…and wonderful and kind. I’m proud just to know you.” 

Merlin carefully set the frame aside and pushed the box out of the way, making room to slide closer. Arthur’s arm naturally went around him, and he was moving in for the kiss before Merlin closed his eyes. Merlin’s mouth was slow and sweet, massaging Arthur’s lips with surprising delicacy. Arthur held himself back, following Merlin’s lead for as long as he could before cupping Merlin’s head and pushing him back to the bed, deepening the kiss as he stretched himself over Merlin’s body. Merlin moaned and clasped the back of Arthur’s head with clammy fingers. 

He should have known Hunith would choose that precise moment to knock on the door. 

“Boys? Do you want dessert?” 

“I want you,” Arthur murmured. 

“Later. I promise.” 

“What’s for dessert?” 

“Brownies. We’ll be right down, Mom!” 

“I thought we could watch a movie, too.” 

“Sounds good.” 

“A movie?” Arthur whispered. “I’ve got other plans for you.” 

“It won’t kill you to wait on those plans for a few hours. Besides, we can sit on the couch under the blanket.” 

“I’m not going to cuddle on the couch with you while your mom is in the room,” Arthur protested. 

“Yes, you will. And you’ll love it. Now get off me before she gets impatient and opens the door.” 

Arthur grumbled a bit more, but deep down inside he had to admit that Merlin was probably right. 

#  
Hunith’s presence was enough to dissuade them from anything more than light petting beneath the blanket, but Arthur learned a very valuable lesson about light petting, about all-too-careful touches, about the deliberate slide of fingers along the thigh or the line of his cock. They were far more intoxicating than the most passionate of kisses, and just because Merlin couldn’t do anything explicit didn’t mean he couldn’t play Arthur like a finely tuned violin. Arthur was helpless, forced to sit quietly through the hours of torture, unable to make a single sound of protest because then Hunith would suspect them. She wasn’t a stupid woman—she probably already had plenty of suspicions. But Arthur didn’t want to whisk away the last cobwebs of doubt and plausible deniability with an ill-timed moan. 

They settled on the couch with Arthur sitting against the arm and Merlin tucked into his side, head resting on his shoulder, a blanket pulled over them. It covered Arthur’s lap and most of his stomach, which meant Merlin’s long, delightful fingers never ventured higher than his waist. Arthur had his arm around Merlin’s shoulders, and he couldn’t do anything more except trace tight circles through Merlin’s shirt, hoping the heat and weight of his touch compensated for the fact that he couldn’t reach bare skin. 

Merlin wasn’t shy, either, apparently concluding the blanket formed an impenetrable shield, and Hunith couldn’t possibly see Merlin’s hand moving under there. For the first thirty minutes of Scott Pilgrim, Merlin simply cupped Arthur’s cock, occasionally squeezing the shaft, but otherwise not moving. Arthur’s cock hardened instantly and stayed hard, eager for whatever Merlin had planned, and no amount of reason or logic could convince the flesh that Merlin didn’t have anything in mind. Every second felt like a minute, and Arthur really wanted to watch the movie since he hadn’t seen it before, but he simply couldn’t concentrate. He didn’t know who anybody was, or what they were doing, or why they were doing it. 

For being such a skinny guy, Merlin was a veritable furnace. The weather had been warm, and it was probably still in the low sixties outside. They definitely didn’t need a blanket, and with Merlin’s body pressed into him, he was sure at least a couple degrees above 98.8 degrees. After forty-five minutes, sweat slicked the back of his neck and dampened his collar, but he would sooner pass out from heat stroke than kick the blanket off. Merlin pushed himself even closer, his palm moving in a slow circle, grinding into Arthur’s throbbing cock. His pants were at least three sizes too small. Why did he have such tight, uncomfortable jeans in his wardrobe? It felt like they should have been thrown out ages ago. 

Arthur gently pinched the back of Merlin’s arm when the tension was too much for him to bite back. Merlin eased off, sliding his palm over Arthur’s thigh, drying his palm. He idly dragged his hand up and down Arthur’s leg until the temperature dropped a bit and Arthur felt the tension fading from his muscles. As soon as he relaxed, Merlin’s hand found his crotch again. His dick was only half-hard until he felt the familiar pressure right on top of his shaft. The returned erection was nearly painful, his groin pulling tight, his lower stomach clenching until that dull ache filled Arthur’s head. 

Somehow an hour went by like this, Merlin pushing him and then backing off until he could breathe again, before Hunith excused herself from the room. Arthur wasn’t entirely sure where she was going. Something about tea? Had he said he wanted tea? Had he said anything at all? He honestly couldn’t remember. His mouth was useless for anything except kissing Merlin, and he barely waited until she was out of the room before Arthur caught Merlin by the throat and forced him back on the couch, slamming their mouths together. Merlin moaned and looped his arm around Arthur’s neck, holding him closer as his tongue plunged between Arthur’s lips. 

“What are you trying to do?” Arthur said against his mouth, the words barely audible. 

“I can’t be this close to you and not touch you.” 

“Do you need to sit on the other end of the couch?” Arthur asked, only half serious. 

Merlin shook his head quickly. “No. No, I’ll be good. I promise.” 

Arthur lifted his head to study him. “I don’t believe you.” 

“I will be.” Merlin licked his lips—just to be distracting, Arthur was sure. “And if I’m not you can…punish me.” 

“How?” 

“You tell me. It’s a punishment.” 

“Fine.” Arthur’s hand went to Merlin’s hip automatically, and he rocked forward, grinding his dick against Merlin’s. God what were they even doing there? Arthur’s truck was just outside. They could dive into the backseat and end this torture and make each other scream. “Not that I think threatening you will do any good.” 

“It never does.” 

Arthur sat up, pulling Merlin with him. They arranged themselves around each other, Arthur trying to straighten the blanket while maintaining his innocent expression. He hooked his arm around Merlin’s neck and pulled his head closer. 

“I need to fuck you again,” Arthur breathed in his ear. “Here. My place. I don’t care.” 

“When she goes to bed.” 

“I jerked off after you left this morning.” 

“You had the energy?” 

“Mmm. I thought about fucking you into a wall. Just pounding into you until your all flushed and covered in sweat and begging for more. Once I started thinking about that, I had to jerk off.” 

“Arthur…” 

He heard the kitchen door clicked close, which gave him just enough time to settle back against the couch and pretend he’d never been doing anything inappropriate with Hunith’s only child. Merlin sank lower on the couch and stared resolutely at the television, the color high in his cheeks. 

“What did I miss?” Hunith asked. 

“A fight,” Arthur said. He didn’t really know, but it seemed like a good enough guess, given what he had noticed of the movie up to that point. He’d hoped that turning the tables on Merlin a bit would keep him from resuming his regime of torture, but that was apparently hoping for too much. As soon as Hunith was engrossed in the film again, Merlin’s hand returned to Arthur’s lap. This time he rested his palm on his thigh, but his fingers were still long enough to reach Arthur’s cock, stroke his sac, squeeze the tender flesh along the seam of his thigh. Every muscle between his groin and his throat tightened in response to that, making it difficult to breathe like a normal person and of course Hunith knew what they were up to. Half of Arthur was more aroused than he’d ever been in his life, and half was so mortified he wanted to run away and never show his face again. 

But he wasn’t mortified enough to push Merlin away. Which was the easiest and most obvious solution to his problem. It never occurred to him to make Merlin stop. He wished he could unsnap his jeans, relieve the pressure, guide Merlin’s hand to his exposed cock and push down until his fingers formed a hot sheath around him. 

“Well, boys, I have church in the morning,” Hunith announced when the movie finished. “You can help yourself to the leftover brownies. Merlin, don’t forget your curfew.” 

“I won’t, Mom,” Merlin promised, the very picture of innocence. Arthur’s cock twitched almost painfully. By the time she left the room, Arthur’s heart was pounding so hard he could hear it in his ears. Merlin didn’t move right away, his heat sinking deeper and deeper into Arthur’s flesh until he was quite convinced there was a permanent imprint of Merlin burned into his ribs. 

“You didn’t keep your hands to yourself,” Arthur said softly, his voice as tight as the muscles in his abdomen. 

“I couldn’t.” 

“You didn’t even try.” 

“Didn’t you like it?” 

Arthur swallowed, trying to wet his dry throat, and tossed the blanket to the floor. He took Merlin by his upper arm and pulled him off the couch. “Get on your knees.” 

Merlin allowed himself to be manhandled into position between Arthur’s thighs. Arthur heard the pipes running in the ceiling above them, and then the click of a door closing, and everything was quiet except for his rapidly beating heart and Merlin’s ragged breath. Arthur unzipped his fly and pulled his prick out, rubbing his thumb over the head to wipe away some of the copious pre-come gathered there. Merlin stared at him with wide eyes, but didn’t move, calmly waiting for Arthur’s next instruction—as obvious as it probably was. 

Arthur caught Merlin’s wrist and held it against his head. Merlin’s eyebrows quirked curiously as Arthur took his other hand and did the same thing, wrapping his fingers around both wrists and securing them in place. He gripped the base of his cock with his free hand, angling the slick flesh towards Merlin’s waiting mouth, then used his hold on Merlin’s head to guide him forward. Merlin looked up at him through his lashes as Arthur forced his head lower, still questioning, but not resisting. Arthur dragged the tip over Merlin’s mouth, shuddering at the silky texture of his lips. His crown was sensitive after a full ninety minutes of rubbing against his rough jeans, and the first light touch nearly made him shout. He bit down hard on his tongue, stifling the sound as much as possible as Merlin parted his lips and surrounded his head. 

Arthur didn’t let him stop there. Keeping a half eye on the stairs where Hunith disappeared, he pulled Merlin all the way down until his nose was buried in his pubes. He held Merlin there, letting him sooth the throbbing pain away with the tip of his tongue and the tiny moans that echoed from his throat and vibrated through Arthur’s flesh. When he thought he couldn’t take another second of it, he pushed Merlin’s head up, revealing his wet shaft an inch at a time. Merlin moaned in protest when Arthur pulled him off his cock completely, but he had no intention of depriving either one of them. He hadn’t waited all day to get Merlin alone so he could be a big tease. Besides, he probably only a few precious minutes to enjoy the situation before he exploded. 

Arthur didn’t move, except to guide Merlin’s mouth up and down his cock. He started slow, letting Merlin’s throat close around his crown and his lips seal over his base for long, maddening seconds. But his earlier fantasy was still lingering in the back of his mind, his own words coming back to haunt him. What would it be like to completely unleash himself? What would it be like to lose control? To let Merlin have everything because he knew Merlin could take it? He became caught up in that thought, infected with it, and his hand and hips responded to the fantasies unreeling through him. He fucked Merlin’s mouth onto his cock in faster and faster strokes, hitting the back of Merlin’s throat with his head, but not staying to let the soft muscles flex around his crown. 

Merlin’s face turned red, as Arthur knew it would, and now it was his turn to sweat. Beads dotted his brow and rolled over his sharp cheeks, mingling with the spit and pre-come at the corners of his mouth. If he wanted Arthur to stop, he could yank away from his grip at any time, but he didn’t resist for a second. He adjusted his hold, clasping Merlin’s fingers in his damp hair, sliding lower on the couch, biting his lip until the hurt distracted him from the pleasure threatening to send him spiraling out of control. 

Arthur didn’t dare risk speaking, but if he did, he would shower Merlin with encouragement, pleas, sighs, moans. He would tell Merlin this was so fucking good and he didn’t know anything could ever be as good as Merlin, and he knew he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve anything this good, didn’t deserve pleasure this intoxicating. He didn’t deserve to have somebody as beautiful as Merlin looking at him with such trust even while Arthur tried to fuck his throat raw. 

“Swallow it,” Arthur managed to choke out just before his balls tightened. The next time he felt Merlin’s throat, his come burst from him, flooding the back of Merlin’s mouth. His throat worked quickly, milking Arthur of every last drop. Arthur’s hand tightened around Merlin’s fingers, and he realized distantly that he must have been hurting Merlin, but he couldn’t loosen his hold, and he couldn’t pull away. He couldn’t do anything except try to catch his breath while his cock twitched, the top rubbing against Merlin’s soft palate. 

“It would serve you right if I just went home.” 

That was enough to make Merlin rip away from his grasp. “What? Why?” 

“I told you to stop groping me.” 

“You liked it.” 

“That’s beside the point. Do you think it was comfortable for me to have a giant erection with your mom like twenty feet away?” 

“You’re too uptight. You should relax.” 

Arthur smirked. “I’m plenty relaxed now. Thanks to you.” 

“There’s no way I’m letting you leave.” 

“What are you going to do? Tie me to the bed?” 

“If I have to.” 

Something about Merlin’s tone told Arthur he wasn’t joking. Not quite. He should have scoffed at the thought, not squirmed while his stomach did a weird flip-flop, rolling over and shifting into a new position. 

“Do you think you could? I mean, if you had to?” 

Merlin’s eyes met him, and he felt a familiar rush of lust that left him as dizzy now as it had the first time Merlin looked at him like that. “Yes. I think I could. If I had to.” He pushed himself to his feet, holding his hand out. Arthur took it, let Merlin pull him off the couch, pull him upstairs, pull him through the door of his room. He let Merlin pull his pants down to his ankles and his shirt overhead. 

“Why do you have a giant purple owl on your bed?” 

“That’s Archimedes,” Merlin explained. 

“Why do you have a giant purple owl on your bed called Archimedes?” 

“Because he cheers me up.” 

“Do I have to share with the bed with him right now?” 

Merlin laughed. “No.” 

With Archimedes perched on the nearest pile of junk—which Arthur was just not going to think about—Arthur stretched out on Merlin’s bed. Merlin worked quietly, gathering scarves from various places around the room like they were the prizes in a scavenger hunt. Arthur couldn’t really say why he wanted this all of a sudden, but he did. The thought of being at Merlin’s mercy had his dick hard again, and his orgasm, as sharp and sweet as it had been, was already a distant memory. As enthralling as it was to fantasize about drilling his cock into Merlin’s willing ass, this had its own special appeal. Being at Merlin’s mercy. Wanting what Merlin wanted because he had no other choice. Happily bending his will to Merlin’s. Not just bending it, but handing it over to Merlin’s capable hands, confident that Merlin would never make him regret it. 

Merlin only found three scarves in the end. He tied loose knots around Arthur’s wrist and one ankle, securing his limbs to the bed, leaving him stretched open and vulnerable. Once he finished his job, Merlin took a step back to survey his work and undress, pulling his clothes off in with a few absentminded jerks and tugs. 

“What are you going to do?” Arthur asked. 

“Surprise you.” 

“I don’t even get a hint?” 

Merlin grinned and then disappeared, dropping down to the filthy floor to root around under the bed. Arthur lifted his head, trying to catch sight of what he was doing, but he could only see his smooth back, the skin colored slightly by freckles sprinkled over his shoulders. Arthur automatically shifted to touch him, jerked back by the unforgiving knot. He clenched his fingers in frustration, suddenly not liking this plan at all. Yes, he did enjoy being at Merlin’s mercy. But when he’d so eagerly agreed to this experiment, he’d forgotten that it meant he couldn’t touch Merlin. Which was not acceptable. He basically only had one desire and purpose in life, and that was to touch Merlin as much as possible. 

“Ah ha!” 

“Ah ha what?” 

“I found it.” 

“It’s something good, I hope.” 

Merlin’s head popped up and his grin stretched from ear to ear, a bottle of lube in his hand. “It’s something great.” He crawled onto the bed, settling over Arthur’s chest, facing his feet. His cock slid against Arthur’s chest, drawing a line of pre-come over his skin. He rocked back, reaching behind him to pull his cheeks apart. Arthur licked his lips at the sight of the tight pucker. 

“Fuck me, Arthur. Get me good and slick.” 

“Okay but don’t make any noise. I do not want your mother to find us like this.” 

“I’ve locked the door.” 

“You still have to be quiet!” 

“Shh, okay, okay. I won’t make a peep. I’ll be quiet as a mouse.” 

“I’m serious, Merlin.” 

Merlin looked over his shoulder, eyes half closed, lips full and shining. “So am I.” 

Arthur didn’t exactly trust Merlin not to wake the whole neighborhood, but what was he supposed to do? He wasn’t exactly in the position or the mindset to deny Merlin anything, so he lifted his head and pushed his tongue against the tight muscle, nose pressing into Merlin’s flesh. He turned his head slightly, tongue wiggling over the muscle, the side of his teeth scraping across Merlin’s skin. Merlin whimpered and rocked back, as eager to ride Arthur’s face as Arthur had been to fuck Merlin’s. 

He’d been right about the noise. Merlin couldn’t, or wouldn’t, stifle himself. Every time Arthur moved his tongue a certain way or let his teeth catch against Merlin’s skin, he would damned near shout his approval. When he called out Arthur’s name, Arthur turned his head and sharply nipped at his thigh. 

“Be quiet.” 

Merlin groaned something along the lines of doing my best, but compromised by wrapping his lips around Arthur’s cock. Arthur rose to meet him as much as he could, thrusting into Merlin’s mouth while working his tongue into Merlin’s ass. Merlin caught him by the hip and pushed him back to the mattress, holding Arthur down while he rocked his body in earnest. Pleasure clutched at Arthur, wrapping around him in a snug cocoon. He really, really hoped Hunith hadn’t heard them—or by some miracle had heard but didn’t care to interrupt them because he did not want this to stop. Ever. Merlin’s muscles flexed and shuddered around Arthur’s tongue, and his mouth was, as usual, complete bliss. 

He worked his tongue in and out of Merlin until his jaw hurt and he couldn’t hold his head up another moment. Then he fucked Merlin for another handful of seconds after that before finally dropping back to the pillow. Merlin pulled off his cock with a loud pop and poured a healthy amount of lube over his shaft. 

“God, I’m so ready for you to fuck me. You know that feeling?” 

“I know it,” Arthur managed. “I know it well.” 

Merlin turned himself around, holding Arthur’s cock at a steady angle and carefully impaling himself. His eyes fluttered shut as he sank back, his mouth falling open in a silent o as he took every inch of Arthur’s length. As soon as he was fully seated, his fingers relaxed from Arthur’s cock, around his sac, and sought out his hole. Arthur didn’t even have the chance to catch his breath before Merlin pushed two slick digits into his passage. 

“Like that?” 

“Yes,” Arthur gasped. 

“God…Arthur…God…” 

“Shh, Merlin please. Shh.” 

“Can’t go slow. Can’t.” 

“Don’t. Do anything, Merlin. Whatever…whatever…you want.” 

Despite his words, he did start slow at first. Careful, like he wanted to be sure his muscles were completely stretched, fully prepared to accommodate every centimeter. Arthur held his jaw tightly closed, swallowing down every word that threatened to break free, and he could tell by the way the tendons stood out in Merlin’s neck that he was doing the same. He thrust his fingers in time with his hips, down and in, up and out, over and over. It was amazing, but not enough. Arthur wanted to be spread wide and split open, full to the point of pain. 

Arthur lost track of that thought when Merlin slammed down, squeezing around him like a vise. After that, Merlin wasn’t moving so slow. He bounced on Arthur’s dick, getting all the way to the tip before dropping down again. Every inch of friction burned through Arthur, lit him from the inside out. He kept his eyes open as much as he could, watching in utter wonder as Merlin twisted and flexed above him, thrilling at every ripple, every graceful movement of his lithe body. 

“I want to touch you,” Arthur moaned with genuine anguish. 

“I…I know….” 

“I want to stroke you. Want to make you shoot on my chest.” 

“I’ll come in your mouth instead.” 

Arthur signaled his approval of that plan with a low moan. They stopped talking after that, too lost in the fog of mutual pleasure to bother with things like words. Everything they needed to communicate went beyond words, beyond sound even. Merlin held Arthur’s gaze, his face an open book, every thought, every emotion, stamped across it. 

“Merlin…” 

“Yes, Arthur, please.” 

For the second time in an hour, pure bliss coalesced in Arthur, collapsed down in his chest, then exploded into a rush of sweet heat. Arthur rolled his hips, burying himself as deeply in Merlin as he could get. Merlin’s hand found his cock for the first time, and he began stroking himself as Arthur’s cock jerked against his walls. 

“Merlin…I need…” It was greedy to ask for more while he was still breathless with his second orgasm, but Merlin had planted the thought in his head and now all he wanted was to get his mouth wrapped around Merlin’s glistening cock. 

“I know what you need,” Merlin said, sliding up Arthur’s body. Arthur obediently parted his lips, tongue darting out eagerly. Almost as soon as Merlin pushed into the welcoming heat, he flooded Arthur’s mouth with hot, salty come. He pumped between Arthur’s lips twice, sliding against the tender roof, pushing the liquid down Arthur’s throat until he’d swallowed all of it. Long strands stuck to Merlin’s crown when he pulled away, and he wiped them off on Arthur’s chin before collapsing to the thin line of mattress between Arthur and the wall. 

“I can’t feel my fingers,” Arthur murmured. 

“Oh, sorry.” Merlin smiled sheepishly and reached up to tug the scarves free. Arthur wiggled his foot and worked against the restraint until it slipped over his ankle and allowed him to pull free. As soon as he could move, he wrapped himself around Merlin, rolling him over to the mattress and pinning them there with his weight. 

“I’ve got an idea for next time.” 

Merlin laughed. “I bet you do.” 

“I’ll tell you about it later.” Arthur nuzzled against Merlin’s cheek. 

“I’ll wait with bated breath.” 

“It’s a really good idea.” 

“Your ideas always are.”

“I don’t want to leave.” 

“I know.” 

Arthur sighed. “I wasn’t talking about tonight.” 

Merlin turned his face into Arthur’s neck. “I know. Don’t think about it right now.” 

“I’m going to think about it no matter what you say.” 

“Think about what happens after that.” 

Arthur lifted his head. “What happens after it?” 

“You come and find me and we live happily ever after. You can even carry me out to your car, like the end of An Officer and a Gentleman.” 

“I’ve never seen it.” 

“What? What? How can you…Richard Gere!” 

“I don’t really see the appeal.”

“Because you’ve never seen that movie. The point is, after your three years, we can be together and nothing can stop that.” 

Arthur closed his eyes. “Would you wait that long?” 

“Of course. Of course I’ll wait.” 

“I’d understand if you…it’s silly to think that in three years you’d never…you know.” 

“I don’t know,” Merlin said slowly. “I guess that depends on you.” 

“How?” 

“What you want me to do.” 

“I…I want you to be happy. Even if that means you’re with somebody else.” 

“Arthur, you clotpole.” 

“What?” 

“Idiot,” Merlin said, not unkindly. “Nobody else could make me happy.” 

“You don’t know that. You can’t see into the future, Merlin. You might meet somebody, or you might realize that…that I’m…” 

Merlin sighed. “I can’t believe you could even think something like that after what just happened.” 

“It’s great sex, but that doesn’t mean anything…” 

“What?” 

Arthur growled with frustration. “That came out wrong. I’m just saying…maybe this only feels great because we don’t have anything to compare it to.” 

“It feels great because it is great. Arthur, listen, no matter how lonely I get, I’m never going to want anybody like I want you.” 

“I believe you. But if you do…then you shouldn’t be lonely.” 

“Fine, Arthur Pendragon. In the very, very unlikely event that I want somebody more than you, I’ll be sure to fuck his brains out. Happy?” 

Arthur pouted. “No.” 

“You’re impossible.” 

Arthur huffed. 

“We’ll be fine,” Merlin murmured, running his fingers through Arthur’s hair. He sounded so sure, Arthur almost had to believe him.

#

In the end, Arthur agreed to work with not one, not two, but three tutors. Arthur had the chance to meet them before Uther officially hired them, Gaius assuring him that if he didn’t like them for whatever reason, Gaius would find replacements. Arthur didn’t like them, but he agreed to work with them anyway. Uther paid them each a pretty handsome fee to spend two hours a day with Arthur, so between the three of them, he was basically attending school again. Except, he didn’t get to see Merlin at all during the day, he didn’t get ten minutes between classes to relax, and he barely got a decent lunch. There were no other students to distract them from Arthur’s lack of attention, and they all sat a little too close, leaning over him while they discussed their topics and the test. 

He hated school. There was no way around it. He hated school whether he was in a building dedicated to education or in his own home. He hated school when he was by himself and when he was in a classroom full of other slack-jawed automatons. He especially hated every second that kept him from Merlin, who never made it to Arthur’s house before eight, and then he always had to leave by twelve. 

Edwin showed up promptly at nine every morning. Arthur didn’t mind the scar on his face—though he did spend a lot of time rather morbidly speculating about what had caused it—but the man’s eyes unnerved him. They were empty. When he looked at Arthur, he could have been looking at anybody. His smiles were small and humorless, and he tended to express his approval with flat words of encouragement like, “Yes, that’s it” and “Good work.” Fortunately, since he tutored math and science, they rarely had reason to speak. Arthur worked out the problems in the test booklet, diligently drudging through his mathematical-related memories, and when he was done, Edwin either gave him a slight nod of approval or told him to “try again.” Fortunately, Arthur had a head for numbers, so he could middle through well enough. He had no doubt he could pass this portion of the exam. 

Aulfric arrived at half-past eleven, a stack of books under his arm, a vaguely disapproving frown on his face before Arthur even opened the door. Arthur disliked him on sight, the combination of his age, his heavy countenance, and all the books too much to overcome. He talked to Arthur like he barely believed Arthur was literate, he assigned too much reading, and he started every single session with a thirty-minute essay. Arthur had been tempted to forget about the reading and reduce his daily essays to blow me, but he remembered Uther’s promise to kick him out and cut him off, and he thought about how Merlin managed to look encouraging and worried with a single twitch of his lips. Aulfric was a retired professor, and Arthur shuddered to think how old was too old when it came to a comfy gig like that. But he was patient, even when Arthur was feeling surly, and sometimes he told a dry little joke that made Arthur huff a laugh. 

Morgause arrived after lunch three days a week. She covered a bit of the social studies section, but she mostly covered test prep. Arthur didn’t really know why he needed somebody to tell him the best way to choose a multiple-choice answer—he’d been faking his way through multiple-choice questions for years—but Gaius insisted knowing how to take the test was just as important as knowing what was on the test. Arthur never argued with her, never got surly with her, never gave her any attitude at all. He wasn’t even sure why she wasted time as a GED tutor when she could probably kill a man with her bare hands. On the one hand, she was worse than the most joyless of his high school teachers, strict and no-nonsense. On the other hand, he really liked her. He couldn’t say why, except maybe she always had a genuine smile when she was pleased. She was the one he could have real conversations with, if he were so inclined. 

“You’re a smart young man,” she commented while grading one of his sample tests. 

“Thanks.” 

“Why aren’t you in school?” 

“I don’t want to be.” 

“It’s more fun than studying for a massive test, isn’t it?” 

“Not really, no. I’ll be glad when it’s all behind me.” 

“You don’t plan to go to college?” 

“I don’t know. I’ve joined the Marines. I don’t know what’ll happen after that.” 

“Yeah, Gaius mentioned you’d enlisted. Sounded like a rash decision to me.” 

“It wasn’t,” Arthur muttered. 

“Gaius said your father was pretty shocked.” 

“Oh really? What else did Gaius say? Did he tell you every detail about my life?” 

Morgause glanced up, clearly unimpressed with Arthur’s outburst. Her brown eyes seemed to look right through him, shrewdly taking his measure with every glance. “He told me that he thinks you deserve much better.” 

“Better than this?” Arthur held his hands out, gesturing at the palace that was his home. “I’ve got the sort of life people fantasize about.” 

“No, you don’t,” Morgause said mildly, the three words like a pinprick to Arthur’s ego. He deflated and watched her grade, finger sliding down the page while she compared his answers against the key. He was getting better at the exam, somehow retaining the knowledge for more than a few seconds. 

“Do you think I should go?” Arthur asked. 

Morgause shrugged. “Nobody can answer that question but you, Arthur. Everybody who enlists has their own reasons. I’m not going to tell you if yours are right or wrong.” 

“What if I just didn’t know what else to do? Is that a good reason?” 

“Why didn’t you know what else to do?” 

“I was going to flunk out of high school, and everybody else is going to college.” 

“College isn’t the only option available to you, Arthur. But like I said, we all have our own reasons.” 

“Can I ask what your reason was?” 

“My parents are both in the service. I was the proverbial army brat, and I liked it. I couldn’t imagine a civilian life, so I enlisted as soon as I could.” 

“Were your parents proud?” 

“Yes. But I think my dad wanted me to be open to other options. I was honorably discharged six months ago due to shrapnel from friendly fire.” Morgause recited these facts as though they belonged to somebody else, without so much as a hint of emotion. Arthur studied her profile, looking for any sign that talking about her past caused her distress, but she was very matter of fact. 

“Is that why you started tutoring?” 

“The pay is good and it keeps me busy. I’ll start school in the fall.” 

“Yeah. Everybody’s starting school in the fall.” Arthur sighed. “How terrible is my score?” 

“So far? Not terrible.” 

“That’s good to know.” 

Arthur lapsed into silence, leaving her to finish the task while his mind drifted to Merlin. At least it was Friday night and Merlin would be coming over. Somehow—Arthur couldn’t even guess how and he didn’t ask—Merlin had convinced Hunith to lift his curfew on Friday nights. Which meant he could stay until morning, and Arthur wouldn’t have time to think about this shit anymore. Merlin had mentioned going out for Mexican that night, but Arthur didn’t want to leave the house. Their time was dwindling. He’d be taking the GED test in a little over a week, and then how much longer would they have together after that? A month? Maybe six weeks if they were lucky? 

“Well, Arthur, if you do this well on your actual test, you’ll score in the 98th percentile.” 

Arthur blinked. “That’s…that’s really good, right?” 

“It’s amazing. I thought you said you weren’t very good at school.” 

“I’m not.” 

“This score would suggest otherwise.” 

Arthur shrugged. “You and Edwin and Aulfric tell me what I need to do and I do it.” 

“That’s all school is,” Morgause points out. “The teachers tell you what to do, and then test to see if you remember it.” 

“It’s not the same.” 

“Why not?” 

“I don’t know. None of my teachers were like you, I guess.” 

Arthur meant it in the nicest possible way, but Morgause instantly tensed, pulling away from him. Only a few more inches separated them than before, but Arthur felt like a twenty-foot gulf had suddenly opened between them. 

“Yes, well, there’s only one more lesson before you take the test. So think about any questions you might have and…” 

“Arthur! Where are you?” 

Arthur sprang to his feet, forgetting all about Morgause’s existence as soon as he heard Merlin’s voice. “In here!” 

Seconds later, the study door flew open and Merlin barreled in clutching a handful of envelopes. He didn’t even spare a glance at Morgause before flinging his arms around Arthur’s neck and kissing him with a sort of exuberant joy Arthur hadn’t seen from him since Arthur announced he dropped out of school. 

“I got in!” 

“Where?” 

“Everywhere!” Merlin announced before kissing him again. “I came over here as soon as I got the mail. They all just showed up today. Well, not all of them. But most of them. The good ones.” 

“Let me see.” Arthur plucked the envelopes from his fingers, shuffling through them to see the school emblems for UCLA, Berkeley, UC Davis, Brown, and Harvard. Arthur’s heart swelled painfully, and of course he wasn’t surprised to see the proof of Merlin’s brilliance and desirability, but he was still so proud. The ache in his chest only increased when he looked up into Merlin’s shining eyes. “I think we should celebrate.” 

“You read my mind.” 

“It’s not hard when you only have one track.” 

“As I was saying about next week, Arthur,” Morgause cut in. 

They jumped apart, Merlin’s cheeks turning pink. 

“Oh, sorry. Morgause, this is Merlin. Merlin, Morgause is one of my tutors.” 

“What’s all this?” Merlin asked, gesturing at the pages covering the table. 

“I took my practice test today.” 

“Oh? How did you do?” 

“Okay,” Arthur hedged. “I’ll see you on Tuesday, Morgause.” 

“He did better than okay,” Morgause said. 

“Really? How much better?” Merlin looked between the tutor and Arthur. “Come on, tell me.” 

Morgause briefly met Arthur’s gaze before smiling. “He scored in the 98th percentile.” 

She said it with such pride, and Merlin looked at him with such pride that Arthur couldn’t help but blush. His temples throbbed and the last time he’d felt so awkward was when he tied all those damned pink balloons—which felt like it must have happened a hundred years ago. 

“Arthur, that’s amazing!” 

“It’s…well yes.” He grinned. “It is pretty amazing.” 

“I’ll just leave you boys to your celebrations,” Morgause said, gathering up her books. “Don’t worry about showing me out.” 

Arthur wasn’t. It hadn’t even occurred to him, and he was pulling Merlin back to him before the door closed behind her. 

“She seems nice.” 

“I think she thinks I like her.” 

“Why does she think that?” 

Arthur shrugged. “I told her she wasn’t bad as my teachers.” 

“She looks like she could beat you up.” 

“That’s kind of why I like her.” 

“God, Arthur, you are such a bottom.” 

“What? I am not.” 

“You are so.” Merlin nudged him towards the desk, his hands going to Arthur’s pants. “I’ll prove it.” 

“Right here?” 

Merlin only grinned and pulled Arthur’s fly open. Arthur opened his mouth to protest, but the words were utterly forgotten by the time Merlin fisted his cock. 

They were always so careful when they were at Merlin’s. They locked doors. They muffled their moans, bit back their shouts, buried their faces in each other’s necks to block the sound of gasps. Arthur visited once or twice a week for dinner and a movie, and they even managed to keep the groping beneath the blanket to a minimum. Arthur never tried to stay too late and went out of his way to make sure Hunith never had any evidence of what she already knew. Merlin thought Arthur’s extreme anxiety was adorable, and he played along with it, even though he was sure his mother wouldn’t be scandalized if she caught them holding hands. After all, Merlin spent the occasional night at Arthur’s—she didn’t think they were playing video games all night. 

But when they were at Arthur’s, it never occurred to them to lock the fucking door. They were too accustomed to having the entire house to themselves, and though Merlin was usually aware of Luann or the gardener, he rarely saw them and they never disturbed the two boys. He didn’t give security a second thought before ripping Arthur’s pants off and bending him over the large, mahogany desk. They pushed the books to the floor, spilled pens everywhere, knocked the phone off the hook. Arthur pressed his face to the smooth wood and reached behind with both hands to pull his cheeks apart. 

If he didn’t think Arthur would kill him, he’d snap a picture with his phone so he could relive the moment any time he wanted to. It was impossible to put into words how beautiful and hot Arthur looked like that, how amazing and perfect. Merlin dropped to his knees to worship him until his cock ached. He slid his hand between Arthur’s thighs, stroking his cock with each flick of his tongue over the tight muscle. He smoothed his other hand up and down Arthur’s back, soothing away the tremors while he used his tongue to find more ways to make Arthur shiver. 

By the time he stood, his cock was slick and Arthur was jerking his hips, rutting against the desk with desperate hunger. Merlin would never get tired of the sight of this. He’d never be bored with Arthur, never take Arthur’s pleasure and perfection for granted. Merlin lined his cock up with Arthur’s ass, his mouth dry, his skin feeling far too tight, his hands tingling as he gripped Arthur’s hips. He keened and bucked, pushing back on Merlin’s cock until he was completely filled. Merlin adjusted his grip, covering Arthur’s hands and bracing himself as he drove forward in short, hard thrusts. He didn’t worry about hurting Arthur because he always seemed to like it when Merlin was a bit rough. 

Merlin didn’t hear the door open. He’d forgotten that such things even existed. He did, however, hear the startled gasp. His eyes flew open and Morgana was right there, standing within touching distance, her hand over her mouth and her blue eyes wide. Uther stood just behind her, his face thunderous. Merlin froze, his cock immediately softening, his heart pounding so hard it threatened to break free of his chest. 

“Merlin, don’t stop!” 

“Um…” 

“Merlin, what is going on?” 

“On my desk, Arthur?” 

Arthur jumped up, pushing Merlin away from him so quickly that he lost his footing and fell flat on his ass. His cheeks flared with heat, and now he couldn’t feel his heart beating at all. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. His cock had basically shriveled up to nothing, but Morgana was still standing right there and nobody was moving and why wasn’t anybody moving? Why were they all just standing there, staring at each other? Staring at him? 

“Father…” 

“Get dressed,” Uther growled. 

Merlin desperately wanted to get dressed. He didn’t know why he was so terrified. His hands weren’t working. They were slick with sweat and they felt swollen. Was it possible for his fingers to swell from nerves? It didn’t matter. The important thing was that they were both legal and they weren’t doing anything wrong and Uther could go fuck himself anyway. 

Confidence buoyed by that thought, Merlin dared to lift his eyes, intending to defy Uther’s rage. Except he was physically incapable of looking at Uther, which meant he could only look at Morgana, and he had no desire to do that. Arthur tossed his clothes at his head, repeating Uther’s order. Flustered and feeling ill, Merlin managed to get his shirt over his head and his legs through his pants. He snuck quick glances at Arthur, trying to at least get a handle on him, but his features had hardened into an unrecognizable mask. Merlin had never seen that before, but he still understood what it was, where it came from. 

“Now get out of my house,” Uther said, as soon as Merlin’s clothes were in place. 

“Okay.” 

“No.” Arthur stepped between Uther and Merlin. “I don’t want him to go.” 

“Arthur, it’s fine.” 

Arthur didn’t even seem to hear him. “Merlin’s my guest and…” 

“Merlin Emrys? The class president?” 

“How did you…oh, right, the prom.” Merlin looked over Arthur’s shoulder. “Thanks for that, by the way.” 

Uther’s face turned a deeper shade of purple. Morgana moved quickly, grabbing Merlin and pulling him away from Arthur. “Come on, Merlin. We need to catch up.” 

“Wait, you know each other?” Arthur asked. 

“Well, yeah. He was my little protégé,” Morgana said, with unmistakable pride. 

“Protégé?” 

“I was student body president when Merlin was a freshman,” Morgana explained, clearly struggling not to roll her eyes at Arthur’s obliviousness. “Remember?” 

“No.” 

“Get out!” Uther snapped, clearly tired of being ignored. 

Merlin didn’t want to leave Arthur, but he would rather be anywhere else in the world. Wherever Morgana was taking him, it had to be preferable to that room. He didn’t breathe easily until they stepped into the cool corridor, the door shutting behind them. 

#

“Wow. You and Arthur?” 

Merlin made a small, miserable noise. As far as he knew, Arthur never intended to tell Uther about the two of them. If Arthur was closer to his father, that would have hurt Merlin’s feelings, but as it was, Merlin was glad that it was just the two of them in their own little world. Arthur was happier if Uther didn’t know, and that was good enough for Merlin. 

“How long has that been going on?” 

“Since Valentine’s Day,” Merlin said, smiling a little at the memory of their first date. Uther’s voice boomed from the room and Merlin’s smile faded. Maybe they should try to get Arthur out of there. He could start a fire in the kitchen, and then they’d all have to evacuate. And then the whole house might burn down, which would certainly make the entire situation worse. 

“Come on. Arthur will want food when he’s done in there.” 

“He will?” 

“Yes. I always made him something when he’d get in fights with Uther. It’d cheer him up.” 

Merlin nodded, finally understanding why Arthur lost weight after Morgana graduated and moved out. He didn’t eat well by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, he had terrible eating habits that caused Merlin a great deal of distress, but he also didn’t eat a lot. 

“Tell me everything,” Morgana invited. 

“I…everything?” 

“Yes. I’m sorry, Merlin, but this is the most interesting thing Arthur’s ever done. You know he’s never shown any interest in anybody. He watches so much porn I thought he might some sort of deviant.” 

“You know he watches porn?” 

Morgana rolled her eyes. “I lived with him until he was fifteen. I’d have to be blind, deaf, and totally stupid not to realize it.” 

“He thinks nobody knows.” 

Morgana smiled a little. “I know. He can be so dumb.” 

Merlin matched her smile. “I didn’t know you were going to be visiting. Arthur never mentioned it.” 

“It was supposed to be a surprise.” 

Merlin shuddered. “Oh, it was. It really was.” 

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of.” 

“Gee, thanks.” 

“Arthur sure looked like he was enjoying himself.” 

The flush had been fading from Merlin’s cheeks, but now the blood raced back to his face. “Please stop talking.” 

“I was just trying to compliment you.” 

“Yes, well, thank you. Now please stop talking.” 

Morgana’s eyes glinted with amusement, but at least she wasn’t laughing at him to his face. She started pulling all sorts of wonderful things from Arthur’s fridge. Food that Merlin never suspected. She had a small bundle wrapped in white paper, LAMB written across the front, carrots, potatoes, a giant onion, purple garlic, and a small yellow container full of something mysterious. Merlin didn’t pay attention to her for long. His attention went to the door and his impulse to save Arthur from Uther’s wrath returned tenfold. A fire would be a bad idea, but surely they could do something? Morgana must have some idea. 

“Relax, Merlin. Watching the door like a dog isn’t going to get Arthur in here any faster.” 

“What will?” 

“Nothing. It’s best to just wait it out.” 

“Arthur doesn’t deserve to get in trouble,” Merlin said hotly. “I don’t know what Uther is saying to him in there but he doesn’t deserve any of it.” 

“I know,” Morgana said, her voice as measured as each downward stroke of the knife as she chopped the onion. “I know, Merlin, believe me. But I also know that when those two lock horns like that, it’s best to be somewhere far away. Uther won’t listen to reason and Arthur won’t step down. So help me with these potatoes.” 

Merlin didn’t want to help with the potatoes, but he accepted the cutting board and knife. He worked slowly and carefully, knowing he couldn’t free his mind of distraction, compensating by moving like he was under water. He didn’t want to slice his finger off—though that would cause about the same amount of distraction as a fire. It wouldn’t hurt anybody else, and if they moved fast enough, they’d probably be able to reattach it at the ER. It wasn’t the smartest plan Merlin had ever had, but it was probably the most effective. 

“Are you thinking about cutting off your own finger?” Morgana asked. 

“No.” 

“I saw you eyeing the knife.” 

“I was just…thinking. I don’t even like the sight of blood.” 

“Arthur’s going to be fine. They’re long overdue for this talk, anyway.” 

“It sounds like they’re long overdue for every talk. I don’t even think Uther cares about him,” Merlin said harshly. “How could he be such an asshole? How could he not love his own son, especially when his son is Arthur?” 

“What makes you think Uther doesn’t love him?” 

“A loving parent would never just abandon Arthur the way he is. A loving parent wouldn’t threaten to kick him out of the house, or scare him to the point that he thinks Afghanistan is a better alternative to his own home. If Uther wasn’t such a…a dick…Arthur would have never enlisted. I hope he realizes that, too. I don’t want Arthur to even get a scratch while he’s gone, but if something happens, I hope Uther dies with the knowledge that it was his fault.” 

Merlin looked up as he finished his rant to see Morgana watching him with sad eyes. “Uther’s made some mistakes…” 

“Some? Arthur is…Arthur has so much potential and he doesn’t even know it. Imagine what he’d have accomplished with any support.” 

“I know how bad it must look to you now. But you don’t know the whole story, Merlin. Uther has made some mistakes, as I said before, but Arthur shares some of that responsibility. Uther tried for years to give Arthur what he wanted, make him happy, but Arthur…well they’re both very stubborn.” 

“But it’s not Uther’s job to give Arthur things until he’s happy. Maybe it is complicated. Families usually are. But that doesn’t change the fact that Arthur thinks Uther is going to kick him out any day now.” 

“He’s not going to kick his son out to the streets.” Morgana sighed. “That’s part of their communication problem. Uther starts bellowing things because he’s trying to bully Arthur into submission, and Arthur takes every single word seriously. Uther is beside himself right now. He doesn’t want Arthur to be sent to fight.” 

Merlin sighed. “None of us do. But Arthur’s mind is made up, so I guess he’ll have to get used to the idea. Especially since Arthur thinks there aren’t any other options for him.” 

“That’s why I’m here.” 

“Are you going to try to broker a peace agreement? Because I don’t think they’ll be interested, honestly.” 

“No, something better than that. I’m going to give Arthur an option besides getting himself shot at and potentially killed.” 

Merlin perked up. “Really? But…no, he’s already committed to this. I don’t think he’ll back out now for anybody.” 

“Trust me, Merlin. I think I’ve got an offer he won’t refuse.” 

“What is it?” 

“Finish up those potatoes and I’ll tell you all about it.” 

#

A part of Arthur had known—had always known—that this would happen. This being an actual, real, perhaps even bloody, war. Not Uther yelling and Arthur shouting back when his stung pride demanded some sort of retaliation. This wasn’t a fight. Fights were easy. Fights tended to be short because Arthur tended to keep his mouth shut as much as he could. But if Uther said one word about Merlin, one tiny negative thing, if he even had a tone Arthur didn’t like, then Arthur was going to completely unleash the anger and frustration that had been building for the past six years. Maybe even longer than that. 

“How long has this been going on?” Uther asked, taking his place behind his desk, though he didn’t sit. The test sheets and Merlin’s letters were strewn all over the floor. Arthur wanted to gather up Merlin’s letters and arrange them in a nice, straight pile. 

“Since February.” 

“Were you ever going to mention it?” 

“Mention what?” 

“Any of it, Arthur. That you’re seeing somebody. That you’re gay.” 

“No.” 

“I’m your father and…” 

“So?” 

“So I have the right to know what’s going on in your life, Arthur,” Uther said tightly. “You’re not yet an adult.” 

“I’m eighteen. Legally, I am an adult. I can vote, I can sign contracts…” 

“Oh yes, you’re quite good at signing contracts. You should have spoken to me before you ever went to the recruiter’s office, Arthur.” 

“Why? You already made yourself perfectly clear. You don’t want me here, and now that I’ve found a way to give you exactly what you want, you bitch at me. That’s all I do, father. That’s all I’ve ever done.” 

“You think that this is what I want from you?” Uther bent and scooped up the answer sheet for the exam. He held it in his first and shook it Arthur’s face. “Do you think I would dream about the day you’d so proudly receive your GED? You were supposed to graduate the top of your class, Arthur.” 

“Why? Because you say so? Where were you when I failed my freshman math class? Where were you when I enrolled in remedial courses? You weren’t there to stop me because you never knew. Because you never gave a shit about anything I did.” 

“That’s not true, Arthur! But it’s not easy to be a CEO and a father and I did the very best I could. If only your mother…” 

“Right. If only my mother had lived, then he wouldn’t be standing here at all right now, would we?” Arthur sighed and began collecting Merlin’s letters. Had he escaped Morgana’s grasp? Would he even want to see Arthur again? They had so little time before they were separated. Some days, Arthur was quite optimistic about their future. At other times—times like this—it was impossible to imagine the two of them finding each other again. “I get it, father. Believe me, I understand. If somebody took Merlin from me, I would hate that person, too. I’d probably never forgive them.” 

“Arthur, what are you talking about?” 

“I know how my mother died. Morgana told me, all right?” 

“She told you,” Uther said slowly, as though the very notion staggered him. “When was this?” 

“When I was twelve. She told me that I should try to understand things from your point of view, since it must be difficult to live with the reminder. And that it had been hard for since both Ygraine and Vivienne died.” 

“Arthur, please, what did she tell you exactly?” 

Arthur rolled his eyes. What difference did it make what Morgana told him exactly? It’d happened six years ago, and the details were a little vague now, though the core of the story never faded in his memory. Arthur had been breech, and during the birth there had been complications that resulted in uterine tearing and hemorrhaging. The doctors had managed to save Arthur, but in doing so, they lost valuable time and Ygraine had died. At the age of twelve, all Arthur had understood was that his mother would still be alive if she’d never been pregnant. If he’d never been born. How could his father do anything except resent him and despise the sight of him? Now that Arthur had Merlin, he understood even better. 

Uther remained silent as Arthur explained, his face impassive and his eyes twin chips of ice. Arthur hated that he brought the situation up at all. Despite their difficult relationship, he did still love his father, and perhaps the choking despair he felt every now and again was the result of knowing Uther would never—could never—return that love. How much did it really matter that he was gay when there were so many other things to be angry about? 

“Arthur, I should have told you this. I should have…but I didn’t know how and then time simply got away from me. I know it’s difficult for you to understand since you are only eighteen, but I thought I would have more time. I didn’t expect you to grow up so fast.” 

“Tell me what?” 

“I should have told you about your mother. Ygraine always wanted to have children. She had your name picked out by the time she was fifteen, and when I met her at twenty, she made it quite clear that she was searching for somebody who wanted to settle down and start a family. I was utterly enchanted by her. There was nobody else in the world for me, and I told her I would give her a hundred children if that’s what she wanted. 

“But shortly after we married, we learned that Ygraine would be placing herself at great personal risk to have a child. We were advised that adoption would be best but…she wanted to have her own baby.” Uther sank down in his chair, weighed down by the memories, but Arthur remained standing. “I told her that no matter where the child came from, we would still love it, it would still be ours. But I loved her and I wanted her to be happy. So…we decided that the risk was worth taking and shortly after that, she became pregnant with you.

“The doctors advised us quite bluntly that the only way to ensure Ygraine’s safety was to terminate the pregnancy. She refused. She…she told me that she felt like carrying a child was her greatest work. She loved…she loved being pregnant. I understand some women do. She and Vivienne became friends during that time, bonding over the experience. She kept a journal. Every day she wrote down how much she weighed, and what she ate, if you were kicking or quiet, any cravings she had, even her morning sickness and her aches and pains. She kept a perfect record of every moment, it seems, and I had never seen her as happy as she was in those nine months.” 

“But she should have listened to the doctors,” Arthur started. 

“No. Don’t you understand, Arthur? She knew what she was doing, knew the price she would have to pay for your life, and she did not regret it. She loved you so much.” Uther curled his hand into a fist and brought it up to his mouth, like he could physically stave off the emotions threatening him. “She read to you, sang you songs, planned your future as much as she could. She had a chance to hold you, you know. Just for a moment, but she had the chance to see your eyes and…she looked…she looked like an angel. Losing her was the worst thing I ever went through, Arthur. But I couldn’t regret the choice she made.” 

Arthur looked down at his hands, something hot and bitter rolling down his throat. “I guess I understand why I’ve always been such a disappointment to you.” 

“You’re not. You’ve never been a disappointment to me, Arthur. You are the greatest accomplishment I have ever seen, and I only wish that you were my accomplishment. I have failed you in many ways, but you’ve never failed me.” 

“How am I supposed to believe that when you’ve made it crystal clear exactly how I’ve failed you?” Arthur demanded, still feeling hot and bitter. He was choking, struggling to breathe, and trying not to let Uther see the pain awakened by his story. 

“Arthur, if I could have given you the perfect grades, the perfect game, perfect confidence, a perfect life, I would have done it without thinking twice. But I can’t. I can run an empire, but I know nothing of running a family, and you’re the person who suffered from that. I’m sorry. You’re my son and I love you. No matter what you do, or who you do it with, that will never change.” 

“You told me you would throw me out of the house.” 

“I was merely trying to motivate you. I didn’t mean…I would never do that to you, Arthur. I see now that treating you as though you were an insubordinate at work was not the best strategy.” 

“Do you still have her journal?” 

“Yes. I kept everything.” 

“I’d like to see it.” 

“Of course. Arthur, one more thing. If you enlisted because you want to be a Marine and fight for your country, then I will not say another word on the matter. But if you did that simply because you thought you had no other option…please reconsider. I can’t stand the thought of anything happening to you.” 

Arthur didn’t even know what to say to that. He didn’t know what he wanted, or what he thought, or even what he was feeling. Everything jumbled together in chaotic static. He heard the crunch and crack of television static roaring in his ears. Everything was white and broken. He couldn’t say why he’d enlisted, what he wanted to do, what his goals were, what he even felt about his father. 

“Can I see it now? Her journal?” 

“Yes. I keep it upstairs.” 

He stood and gestured at Arthur, indicating he should follow. He needed to see Merlin, but that could wait. Just a little bit longer. All of his life, he wished he had more of his mother than a few photographs and home movies—artifacts that told him the color of her eyes and the shape of her smile, but never gave any deeper insight than that. Was he like her? He didn’t think so. He was certain he must have been her complete opposite—except in terms of his coloring which he had obviously inherited from her and not his dark-haired, dark-eyed father. 

Arthur never, ever encroached on his father’s private space. As far as he knew, Uther didn’t even use the lock on his door. It certainly made no difference to Arthur, who was so fiercely protective of his own private life that it never occurred to him to go rooting around in somebody else’s. As a result, he could count on one hand the number of times he’d gone into the master suite for any reason, invited or not. It felt a little bit like stepping into another country. He recognized the superficial details, but he didn’t quite understand the local customs and what was expected of him. 

Uther crossed directly to the locked chest at the foot of his bed. He produced the key from a chain hanging around his neck—Arthur had noticed the key before but never asked where it fit or why Uther kept it—and pushed the heavy lid open before beckoning Arthur to his side. 

“Most of her belongings were put into storage. But Vivienne helped me sort through what I should keep with me.” That was the second time Uther mentioned his second wife’s name in the last five minutes. In the years since Morgana graduated and left home, Arthur hadn’t heard her mother’s name spoken at all. It was almost as though that chapter of Uther’s life never happened at all. It might have been utterly forgotten but for Morgana—a living, breathing reminder that Uther had once loved, and lost, two women. 

Uther had kept obvious things like yearbooks, photo albums, and the guest book from their wedding. There were also cassette and VHS tapes with vague labels, envelopes inexplicably stuffed with receipts, a pair of sunglasses, a pair of ballet shoes, her high school diploma, at least six spiral notebooks (all of which were full from the first to the last page), several scrapbooks, and near the bottom, a lacy white book that was thicker than the scrapbooks but thinner than the photo albums. The front had the rather corny image of a stork carrying a baby boy, a single golden curl on the top of his head, his hands grasping for the air. 

“Honestly, there may be more than this. There were several drawers that I didn’t go through thoroughly.” 

It was on the tip of Arthur’s tongue to ask why Uther had never shown this to him before, but he didn’t waste his breath. He couldn’t expect a logical explanation for an illogical decision. Everything Uther did when it came to Arthur’s mother was motivated by emotions, not reason. Arthur had never been capable of grasping that before, but now it all made perfect sense. 

“You can take your time with this, Arthur. In fact, feel free to move the chest into your room for now. You can ask me any questions you might have.” 

“Are you angry with me? For being gay?” 

“I’m angry with you for having sex on my desk. Though I was young once, too, and I do know what it’s like to make use of whatever is on hand.” 

“We were…we normally don’t…this was just a weird fluke. But I took my practice test today and he got his acceptance letters and we…” 

“Your practice test? How did you do?” 

“Morgause said I scored in the 98th percentile,” Arthur said, already indifferent to the score and distracted by the book in his hands. 

“That’s…well that’s quite good.” 

“Yeah, I guess.” Arthur stopped on a Polaroid he’d never seen before. Ygraine was heavily pregnant, like her water might break before the photo even processed. She cradled her stomach under her arm and waved at the camera with her other hand, her eyes sparkling, her smile shining brightly. She wore a white sundress and they must have been on a picnic, because she was clearly in a park. Sunlight bathed her pale skin and golden hair. “When was this?” 

“The week before you were born.” 

Arthur swallowed hard and touched the image with the tip of his finger. One week. What had she done with her last week on Earth? Had she been happy every day? Had she known it was her last week? What would Arthur do with his last week on Earth? For the first time, Arthur realized that question wasn’t just some hypothetical, random thought. He could very well die before the end of the year. 

Arthur didn’t want to die. 

But more than that, he didn’t want to make his father bury another person. Ygraine had sacrificed too much to end his existence after only eighteen years. 

“Arthur.” Uther put a firm hand on Arthur’s shoulder, and Arthur realized too late that Uther intended to pull him into a hug. Arthur allowed it to happen, his arm going around Uther’s back awkwardly. A hug was not going to fix it. A hug wasn’t going to undo all the damage, and Arthur couldn’t even begin to understand what the damage was. But it still felt good. 

“As for your friend…” 

“Merlin,” Arthur provided. 

“Yes, Merlin. He’s welcome to stay for dinner, if he wishes.” 

“I’ll let him know.” Arthur pushed himself to his feet and clutched the baby book to his chest. “I’m going to look through this tonight.” 

“You’re welcome to look through it any time.” 

Arthur stepped out of the bedroom in a bit of a daze. He couldn’t even believe this was real. Maybe they were still fighting downstairs about Arthur being gay, and he’d simply gone into some sort of psychotic delusional fantasy. He followed Uther back down the stairs, waiting for his father to turn around and inform him that no son of his would be queer, and he’d best send Merlin on his way. But despite his constant fear, Uther did no such thing. 

Merlin was waiting for him in the kitchen. He visibly restrained himself from jumping into Arthur’s arms—and Arthur wasn’t the only one who noticed. Uther’s face flickered, and Morgana couldn’t suppress her grin. 

“I was helping with the potatoes,” Merlin blurted. 

“Everything’s fine,” Arthur assured him. “Would you like to stay for dinner?” 

“Dinner? Really? With the three of you?” 

“Yes, that’s what I meant, Merlin.” 

“Yeah. Okay. That sounds like fun.” Merlin didn’t sound completely convinced of that, but Arthur wasn’t going to let him flee. He might have reached a tentative peace with his father, but Arthur still needed Merlin there, still needed his smile and his support. 

#

At least Merlin wasn’t outnumbered. Both Arthur and Morgana seemed to be on his side, keeping the conversation rolling just enough to distract Uther from the stranger sitting at the table. The stranger who had been quite enthusiastically fucking his son over his desk in his study. Merlin wasn’t sure how or why Arthur had allowed this to happen, but Merlin pretty much just wanted to die. He could barely taste the food he’d helped prepared and he wanted to go somewhere far, far away. Preferably somewhere he’d never see Uther Pendragon again. 

It wasn’t that Uther was being unpleasant. He wasn’t. He was being rather charming and…warm. He laughed readily at Morgana’s stories of college and the motley group of freaks and geeks she’d attracted, and shared a few of his own stories from college. Which were so completely insane that Merlin had a hard time reconciling this man with the same one Arthur viewed as nothing more than a distant jailer. Merlin laughed when appropriate, but mostly just tried to eat without choking, plotting out his revenge. At least when Merlin invited Arthur to dinner, they got to have a pleasant meal with Merlin’s lovely mother who wasn’t the least bit frightening or intimidating. 

“Merlin,” Uther said during a lull in the conversation. 

Merlin froze, as frightened as a rabbit in the headlights. His throat ran dry, his tongue suddenly heavy and useless. “Yes?”   
“Arthur mentioned you received acceptance letters today.” 

Merlin nodded. 

“Where are they from?” Uther prompted patiently. 

“UCLA. Berkeley. Brown. Uh…Harvard.” His gaze darted to Arthur, who was smiling rather proudly, and some of the nerves in his stomach settled. “I tried to hedge my bets.” 

“That is quite impressive,” Uther said with genuine warmth. “Have you made your selection yet?” 

“No. I…well, my mother wants me to go to Harvard. But I would rather stay here and go to Berkeley.” 

“I don’t think you could go wrong either way. Have you any scholarship offers?” 

“He’s probably got tons,” Morgana cut in. “He’s had a 4.0 since birth and he only takes AP courses.” 

“That’s not true,” Merlin protested. 

“Yes it is. Always the smartest boy in the room. And teacher’s pet,” Arthur said. 

“I wasn’t a teacher’s pet! They were just my friends…” 

Arthur arched his brow. “See? Teacher’s pet.” 

Morgana laughed. “He’s right, Merlin. Normal people don’t count their teachers as friends.” 

“I’ve applied for a number of scholarships,” Merlin said, choosing to ignore Arthur and Morgana. “I should be hearing about them soon.” 

“Well, congratulations Merlin. That is very exciting news. I suppose an exuberant celebration was appropriate in these circumstances.” 

Merlin didn’t know quite how red his cheeks suddenly were, but he felt at least as flushed as Arthur looked. Uther chuckled in a rather polite, understated way, but Morgana barely tried to hide her amusement. Arthur shot her a dirty look, perhaps because he didn’t quite dare to shoot one at his father. Merlin just hoped that would be the end of it. And if it wasn’t the end of it, maybe the floor could split open and demons could drag him to hell. Like in that movie. 

Thankfully, Morgana took over the conversation from there, giving Merlin a chance to send a beseeching look Arthur’s direction. Please please please get me out of here. 

Eat your soup. At least, that’s what Merlin thought the rather strange gestures at the bowl meant. 

Please pleae please please. 

Arthur shook his head. Cleary he wasn’t going to be any help. Merlin fantasized about announcing he needed an early night and just booking it for the door, but he really wanted to know just what had happened behind the closed study door. He’d been pretty sure there would be bloodshed, despite Morgana’s reassurances, and to see them step into the kitchen as, well…not friends, but certainly not enemies, had been enough to throw Merlin for a loop.

What was this insanity? Even more peculiar was that Arthur was being on his best behavior. Like, he was eating dinner with Hunith. Merlin hardly ever saw him like this—perfectly pleasant without a hint of surliness. Merlin liked Arthur’s surliness. He didn’t slouch in his chair or stare at the soup with barely contained irritation. 

Merlin wasn’t complaining about Arthur’s good humor, but he just didn’t quite know what to make of it. Perhaps Uther had mentioned Morgana’s offer to him? No, no, that couldn’t be it. If Arthur thought Uther or Morgana were trying to manipulate him out of his current plans, he would not be smiling about it. In fact, there was nothing more guaranteed to bring out Arthur’s most disagreeable nature. 

He kind of wished Morgana would bring it up, though. Now would be a perfect time. Merlin could barely stand to think about what she might say. His stomach twisted into painful knots, and it was difficult to resist the temptation of believing things were well and truly fixed. Mostly, he understood that Arthur was going to leave no matter what Merlin did, no matter what Morgana offered him. Arthur’s mind was made up, and Merlin would just have to live with that. No matter how much it pained both of them. 

But there were options besides the military for Arthur, and now that Morgana had one to put on the table, maybe Arthur would start believing it. Arthur could see reason when he wanted to. But he’d never have the chance to prove it if Morgana never mentioned it. 

“I’ll take care of cleanup,” Arthur announced. 

The other three at the table froze at the same time, looking at Arthur and then at each other in confusion. 

“You’ll what?” Morgana asked. “Did you just say you would clean up?” 

“Yes.” 

“You mean the dirty dishes?” From Merlin. 

“Yes.” 

Morgana laughed. “Do you even know how to load the dishwasher?”  
“He doesn’t. He tried to load the one at my house, and he put the plates on the top rack.” 

“That’s a perfectly reasonable place to put them,” Arthur protested. “Look, if you don’t want me to…” 

“No, of course you should do the dishes if you want to do them,” Morgana said quickly. 

“I’ll help,” Merlin said. 

Arthur smirked. “Well of course you will, Merlin. As you’ve already pointed out, you’re the one who knows how to load the dishwasher.” 

Morgana tossed her napkin on the table. “I’m in the mood for ice cream. Who’s up for some Cold Stone? Uther?” 

“Of course, my dear. I’ll drive.” 

Merlin didn’t breathe properly again until he heard Uther pull out of the garage. “Oh my god, Arthur, what the hell is going on?” 

“I don’t know. We…talked.” 

“About what?” 

“My mother.” 

“How…I thought…how did you get to that point?” 

“I told him that I…” Arthur’s face turned a strange shade, and Merlin thought that he wasn’t going to finish the sentence and he’d never know the turning point. “I told him I understood why he hated me.” 

Merlin didn’t think, didn’t try to find the words to protest, just wrapped his arms around Arthur and pulled him close. He couldn’t even insist that Uther didn’t hate him, because what did he know of the older man’s heart? Of course, by that same token, he couldn’t understand any heart that knew Arthur and didn’t love him completely. He didn’t push, didn’t give voice to his curiosity, just waited until the entire story fell from Arthur in halting fragments. Merlin’s heart broke about a thousand times, and he wished so much he could meet Ygraine and thank her for the sacrifice she was willing to make. 

“You’d think that he would have mentioned all of that sooner.” 

Arthur snorted, and then sniffed and wiped his cheek against Merlin’s shoulder. “No shit.” 

“It must have been difficult for him to talk about.” 

“Yeah, I guess.” Arthur tightened his arms around Merlin, pulling him closer. “I’m so tired.” 

“You’ve had a long day,” Merlin murmured sympathetically. 

“Let’s go to bed.” 

“We can’t right now.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because you said you’d clean the kitchen.” 

“Oh. Fuck. I didn’t mean it. I just wanted them to go away.” 

“Whether you meant it or not, you’re pretty much stuck with it now.” Merlin kissed him just above the ear, smelling the sweat and the day’s weariness clinging to Arthur’s hair. “But I can stay tonight.” 

“Thank you.” 

“And besides, Morgana wants to talk to you.” 

Arthur groaned softly. “About what?” 

“I promised her I wouldn’t say anything.” 

“You can’t tell me that Morgana wants to talk to me, imply you know what it’s about, and then say nothing. That’s not fair, Merlin.” 

“I can’t break my word.” 

“We shouldn’t have any secrets between us.” Arthur slid his hand around Merlin’s hip and massaged his cock through his jeans. “We don’t have any secrets, do we?” 

“That’s playing dirty.” 

“I’m trying to prove a point.” 

“And if you’re not careful, Uther and Morgana are going to get another eyeful. I don’t think we want that, do we?” 

“You’re right. We don’t. So you’d just better tell me.” 

“She’s going to kill me if I tell you, Arthur. Kill me.” 

“I’ll protect you. I’ll be your knight in shining armor.” 

Merlin sighed. He was always going to give in to Arthur. That was a plain fact, and it wasn’t his fault if Morgana didn’t realize it. Frankly, he was amazed that he’d held out for as long as he had. 

“It’s like this. Morgana is visiting because she wants Uther to fund a trip she’s putting together.” 

“A trip? Like a vacation to Europe or something?” Arthur asked with a hint of irritation. 

“No. Not like a vacation. Like a Peacecorps thing, except fully sponsored by the Pendragon Corp. Morgana has got plans to help animal conservationists. In Africa to start with, but I think in her mind she’s already well on her way to saving all the endangered species.” 

“Why hasn’t she told me about this?” 

“She didn’t exactly have a window to mention it yet. I’m not sure why she didn’t bring it up at dinner. But…this could be an amazing opportunity for you, Arthur. Arthur?” 

Arthur took a step back. “Africa?” 

“It’s not worse than Afghanistan.” 

“No, I know. It’s just…where in Africa?” 

“Uganda, I think.” 

“Is that dangerous?” 

“Well, it’s not more dangerous than Afghanistan.” 

“I don’t want to go.” 

“With Morgana?” 

“Away from you,” Arthur admitted, his voice raw. For the first time, Merlin realized how truly exhausted Arthur probably was. Not just from the emotional toll of that evening, but from the tumult of the whole year. 

“You don’t have to.” 

“I’m either going to war or to Africa. You’re going to Harvard.” 

Merlin cupped Arthur’s face and pulled him back so he could look him in the eye. If he didn’t, he might lose his nerve. And he didn’t want to lose his nerve. “I won’t go to Harvard. Or anywhere else.” 

“What? No. No, Merlin, that’s simply not acceptable. We’ve already established that you’re not going to throw your whole life away because of me. If you don’t go to Harvard, everything we’ve done has been for nothing. And if you think I’ll stand by and let you…” 

Merlin silenced him with a hard kiss. “Will you listen to me for a second please?” 

“I’ll give you one second.” 

“I can defer enrollment. If they want me now, they’ll want me next year.” 

Arthur’s brow furrowed as he processed that information. “That won’t fuck you over?” 

“No, of course not. Listen, Morgana has a really good plan. She must, if Uther’s willing to back it. You and I could make a real difference.”

“We don’t know anything about animal conservation.” 

“So we’ll learn,” Merlin said gently. “Look, you should talk to Morgana about this. She’s very convincing.” 

“I can tell. You know she probably thinks she’s going to go stop animal poachers? She’ll get us all killed.” 

“You’ve enlisted in the Marines.” 

“I remember, Merlin, thank you. But at least the Marines would give me proper training. What do you think we’re going to do against armed poachers?” 

“Okay, look, nobody’s said anything about armed poachers. Morgana didn’t say anything about armed poachers. She’s already been working on this for a year. This isn’t just going to be a crazy safari to Africa.” 

Arthur looked at him thoughtfully. “Do you really want to do this?” 

“I want to be with you. I want to see the world. I want to help Morgana and make a difference.” Merlin touched his brow to Arthur’s. “And did I mention I want to be with you?” 

“How do I get out of the contract I signed? I think the US Government is pretty strict about these things.” 

Merlin smiled. “Tell them your boyfriend doesn’t approve.” 

Arthur crooked his finger under Merlin’s chin and kissed him slowly. Merlin followed his lead, holding himself back from the much harder caress he longed for, letting Arthur take what he needed. His tongue was probing but the reserved, almost shy, and Merlin felt something tremble in his chest. Going to Africa to stay by Arthur’s side wouldn’t be a hardship. Not when the alternative was to be completely without him. As long as he could wake up in Arthur’s arms, he didn’t care what continent they were on, or how dangerous it was. 

“I love you,” Arthur whispered. 

“I love you, too. But…” Merlin forced himself to take a step back, out of the reach of Arthur’s oh-so-tempting lips. “Your father is going to be home any minute and I do not want him to catch us going at it on his kitchen counter. Once in a lifetime is more than enough. So I guess he’s not upset that you’re…you know…” 

“Gay? No, he doesn’t seem to mind. He is annoyed about the desk.” 

Merlin blanched. “Is he?” 

“Don’t worry. I don’t think he’s going to call for your head or anything.” 

“You think you two are going to be okay?” 

“Someday, I do.” 

Merlin thought, given the circumstances, someday was the best answer he could hope for. 

#

“Oh, Merlin, it’s perfect. It’s like a dream in a fairytale.” 

“A dream in a fairytale?” 

“Yes. A dream about unicorns in a fairytale. With princesses and brave knights and magic,” Gwen said, her hands clasped in front of her in girlish glee. Merlin had marshaled every volunteer he could find, called in every favor, committed himself to owing about a hundred favors, begged, stole, borrowed, and sacrificed sleep and private time with Arthur for the past three days, but his vision of the perfect Senior Prom finally came together perfectly. 

Well, almost perfectly. 

Arthur had been absolutely critical in the whole process. He showed up that morning with Merlin, hours before even Gwen was expected to arrive, and he jumped to every task with affable eagerness. When he needed to take orders, he did so without complaint, and when he needed to bark out a few, he wasn’t shy. It was such a far cry from his behavior for the Valentine’s dance that Merlin had paused more than once just to watch him with a goofy grin on his face. The problem was, after the final light had been hung, the final table set up, the final instructions given to the DJ, Arthur had disappeared. 

They never talked about Arthur actually accompanying Merlin to the dance. Merlin hadn’t bothered asking, knowing Arthur’s general aversion to school dances. After all, he’d survived every other dance without a date, what difference did this one make? He could still have fun with Gwen and Lance and Will. He could still dance, drink punch laced with booze, and tease Gwen about Lance until she blushed. He truly believed it would be fine and he wouldn’t miss Arthur beyond the usual level of longing he felt any time Arthur wasn’t right at his side. 

About two minutes after the first song started, Merlin missed Arthur with a fierceness that almost took his breath. He declined three invitations to dance, one of them from Freya, and sat at the table he’d claimed for himself, watching Gwen step into Lance’s arms like they were meant only to hold her. Watching the two of them was bittersweet, to say the least. He knew they were already committed to going to different universities—Gwen would be at Berkeley and Lance at Cal Poly. It would be difficult for them, the world would do its best to tear them apart, no doubt, but they got to have that night together. That dance, and that shy little smile that was meant for Lance alone. 

“What’s wrong?” Gwen asked. “Look at what you’ve accomplished. This is amazing, Merlin. You should at least smile.” 

Merlin tried to smile, but it was just hard to muster any genuine happiness. He was happy that the whole event was perfect. He truly was. But it hurt a little that after four years of planning dances, he’d never even get to participate. It shouldn’t have hurt at all, Merlin knew. School dances, the little ones and the big ones, were meaningless. Holdovers from tradition that nobody even cared about. But in their own small way, they did matter, the way all the high school traditions mattered when you were in the middle of it all.

“I guess I shouldn’t be so down. It’s not like Arthur would want to dance with me, even if he was here.” 

“I’ll dance with you.” 

“No, thanks.” 

“I’ll make Lance dance with you.” 

Merlin perked up a little. “Do you think he would?” 

“Yes.” Her eyes narrowed. “But how do I know you wouldn’t try to get fresh with him?” 

Merlin nodded at the large cluster of people on the floor who currently seemed to be involved in an orgy with clothes. “How could you even tell? I could take him out there and do all sort of vile things to him, you wouldn’t be able to prove a thing.” 

“I leave for an hour and you’re already planning to grope Lance?” 

Merlin jumped up from his seat so fast he knocked it over. But once he turned around to face Arthur, he couldn’t move at all. He’d seen Arthur dressed and undressed, rumpled, freshly showered, dirty, sweaty, dripping with water inside the shower, and in every other possible state. He remembered Arthur bloody and angry in schoolyard fights, and talking back to teachers, and openly defying every authority figure he’d ever met. He knew Arthur’s deepest insecurities, his vulnerabilities, his blue eyes dark with fear and self-doubt. But he’d never, ever seen Arthur like this, and he wasn’t sure he could even begin to process it. 

The first obvious difference was the clothes. As far as Merlin knew, Arthur never saw any event as reason to dress up, even though he had the money to put together one hell of a wardrobe if he had the mind to. Morgana must have helped him pick out his suit, because even to Merlin’s untrained and unknowing eye, it was absolutely exquisite. The collar was high with a wide, silver tie, which was tucked under a sharply cut vest. The jacket fit his shoulders perfectly, the cuffs held together with pearl links. His pants didn’t bunch up around his ankles, like so many of the rented tuxedos in the room did, and even in the dim light, they were attractively shiny. 

But it wasn’t the clothes that left Merlin breathless. Or the fact that is hair was actually shining like gold. It was the set of his smile and the undeniable light in his eye. He looked good, no doubt about that. He looked better than anybody Merlin had ever seen. But he obviously felt good, too. Confidence seemed to roll off him in waves, and he didn’t have that hint of doubt Merlin so often caught when Arthur was in a crowd of people. If he gave the impression of not belonging in that room, it was only because he looked like a Hollywood star who’d just stepped off the red carpet for his photo op. 

Merlin kept staring until Arthur’s eyebrow crawled into his hairline. “Merlin? Hello? Earth to Merlin? Anybody there?” 

“You’re here,” Merlin squeaked. 

“Yes. Where else would I be?” 

“Not here.” 

“Why wouldn’t I be here?” 

“Because you never go to dances. You hate dancing. You never said. I didn’t think.” 

“Oh, in that case I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t get yourself another date.” He stepped forward and took Merlin’s hand, pulling him against his body and wrapping his arm around Merlin’s waist. “Of course I’d be here. This is my father’s building after all, and my boyfriend made me work like a dog to get it ready in time. Do you think I’d go to all that effort and not see the fruits of my labor?” 

“Can we dance?” 

“That’s usually what people do at these things, right?” 

Merlin wasn’t going to cry. Really. He wasn’t. But he might have sniffed a little bit as he wrapped both arms around Arthur. His heart thumped painfully in his chest, but it was a good pain. The sort of pain that he wanted to feel every single day for the rest of his life. 

“I’m so happy you came.” 

“Me, too. Come on. Our song will be starting soon.” 

“Our song? We don’t have a song.” 

“We do now.” 

“What is it?” 

Almost as soon as Merlin asked, the familiar guitar chords started. “ Are you joking?” 

“No. Why? Do you think it’s funny?” 

“It’s a little funny, you big girl.” 

“Look, are you going to dance with me or not?” 

And I’d give up forever to touch you  
Cuz I know that you feel me somehow  
You’re the closest to heaven   
That I’ll ever be… 

“Can I ask why this is our song?” Merlin asked, once Arthur had him in the middle of the floor. In the middle of everybody. Every single member of the senior class, and a fair handful of juniors, were watching the two of them dance to one of the cheesiest songs ever recorded. 

“Can’t we just dance?” 

“I really need to know.” 

“Because I used to…think about…maybe asking you to dance. And I always thought this would be a good song if I did.” 

“When did you think about asking me to dance? You’ve never been to a dance.” 

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t think about it. I used to fantasize about getting up the courage to show up, and ask you, but…I never thought you’d say yes.” 

“Oh, Arthur.” He rested his cheek on Arthur’s shoulder and closed his eyes, the scent of a new and unfamiliar cologne working deep into his brain and forever melding itself to the part that lit up when everything was just right. He’d never be able to smell the mellow, citrusy scent again without experiencing a wave of contentment, a faith in the natural order of the Universe. “I love this song.” 

“Do you really?” 

“I do now.” 

“I’m sorry you thought I wouldn’t be here.” 

“I should have had more faith in you.” 

“You’ve already had more faith in me than anybody else has in my life.” 

“Arthur?” 

“Hmm?”

“You know how we promise each other everything’s going to be okay, even though we don’t really quite believe it?” 

“Yes.” 

The music swelled up around them, the guitar and the orchestra building in a triumphant arc. “Tonight I believe it.” 

Arthur nodded his agreement, and neither of them spoke again for the rest of the song. Merlin kept his eyes tightly shut until the final notes bled into a new, faster paced song. When he looked up again, Gwen was staring at him with shining eyes and an even brighter smile, tucked into the curve of Lance’s body. He flashed her a quick smile and she grinned in return. Years and years later, that was how he always thought of her, even when her hair turned gray and she had a dozen grandchildren. 

Arthur tried to take advantage of Merlin’s distraction to bolt from the floor, but Merlin caught him by the cuff. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” 

“To sit down.” 

“Nope. You’re here to dance.” 

“I don’t know how to dance, Merlin.” 

“You managed it when you had a cast on your leg.” 

“That was different.” 

“It’s not so different.” Merlin caught him by the tie with his other hand and pulled him close. “Actually, I know for a fact you’re familiar with quite a number of moves.” 

“Am I?” 

“Yes. Just move your hips like this.” Merlin rolled his hips to the beat of the music, smiling as Arthur’s cheeks turned pink and his cock hardened. “See? You love dancing.” 

Arthur’s laugh was loud and vibrant, as golden as his hair, better than any music, and Merlin’s heart twisted in a new, wonderful way. He promised himself then that he would never get tired of that sweet sound. People break promises every day, the ones they make to themselves and the ones they extend to other people. But Merlin kept this one every day. For the rest of his life. 

##  
hirty years ago, Douglas Adams and his friend, wildlife conservationist Mark Carwardine traveled all over the world searching for endangered species. Twenty years later, in 2009, I accompanied Mark in search of the same animals, crisscrossing the globe for the last chance to see these incredible, unique creatures. Now I’m curious how the ongoing battle against poachers, deforestation, pollution, and general ignorance is advancing. When last I saw them, these unique creatures—the manatee, the aye-aye, the komodo dragon, the kakapo, and the blue whale—all had a fighting chances if we humans could curb our wicked ways.

In this episode, we’re traveling back to Madagascar, home of the remarkable Aye-Aye and nearly one hundred other species of lemur. Most of them are on the endangered list, though none were as threatened as the elusive Aye-Aye. Several critical programs were instituted to help save these fascinating animals, including planting jungle corridors to encourage breeding and awarding significant prizes to the villages that could preserve and maintain parts of the surviving forest. Now we shall see if their efforts have been paying off. 

“So how did you get involved in the efforts to save the aye-aye?” Stephen asked, his curiosity and interest undeniable. 

“Well, it’s a long story,” Arthur said, licking his lips and trying not to look directly at the camera. Merlin had insisted he should be the one to answer Stephen’s questions, claiming the camera would absolutely love him, but Arthur couldn’t quite figure why he’d agreed to it. How much was he supposed to say? Surely Stephen Fry, the Stephen Fry, didn’t want to hear the actual answer to the question, but Arthur hadn’t really thought to prepare any responses. Why hadn’t he thought to prepare any short responses?

Stephen chuckled. “I’ve got plenty of time. Did you always know you wanted to work with lemurs?” 

“No.” Arthur laughed. “No, not at all. I came here with my sister about six years ago to see if we could use any of the techniques they’ve implemented here to help animals elsewhere. And I sort of just never left. “ 

“What of your partner, Merlin? Did he have a passion for lemurs?” 

“No. He was working on his degree back in the States when I first visited. He was a little skeptical at first about living here, but once he visited, he didn’t want to leave either.” 

Which might have had something to do with the fact that he absolutely hated having a long-distance relationship. Merlin probably would have moved anywhere Arthur had said, including Antarctica, if it meant they didn’t have to be separated again. 

“Now, when you visited here with your sister, Morgana, the Pendragon Wildlife Fund was just the two of you, wasn’t it?” 

“Yes, and Merlin.” 

“Now how big is it?” 

“We have a field operation on every continent and we’ve helped introduce several animals back into the wild.” Uther had been most generous in the early years, though they were now beginning to attract enough funding that they no longer needed to rely on his wealth. 

“That’s extraordinary. Absolutely extraordinary. Now what can you tell me about the aye-aye.” 

“They’re still vulnerable to extinction, but the population has grown in the past decade as we’ve been able to preserve more of their habitat.” 

Over Stephen’s shoulder, standing just behind the filming grew, Merlin beamed at him and gave him a thumbs up. In the almost ten years since they graduated high school, Merlin had hardly changed at all, and Arthur’s devotion had only grown. If somebody had told him in those directionless days that he’d eventually be shooting a documentary with Stephen Fry, discussing an animal as ugly and weird as the aye-aye, while Merlin looked on proudly, Arthur wouldn’t have even dignified that deluded person with a reply. But there they were. 

In the previous decade, they’d spent more time apart than together, but that had hardly mattered. Yes, there were some very lonely nights, and weeks when he was outside of any signal and couldn’t even send Merlin an email, but it had all been worth it. If they could get through the rough years, he knew they’d have an entire lifetime to look forward to, with a world of goals and possibilities and accomplishments. 

“I’ve never seen anything like it before.” 

“What?” Arthur asked, dragging his attention back. 

“The way you look at him. I daresay it’s as rare as your lemurs.” 

“That’s probably because there’s only one of him.” And Arthur would know. He’d seen a good chunk of the world before he settled on his island, following Morgana from one corner to the other. Merlin truly was one of a kind, as Arthur was pleased to discover. It made a literal lifetime of devotion entirely reasonable and perfectly justifiable. 

The End. 

Hey love we’ll get away with it  
We’ll run like we’re awesome  
Totally genius  
Hey love we’ll get away with it  
We’ll run like we’re awesome.


End file.
